August 2009 Issue Vol 1, Issue 2


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  


I wanted to thank everyone for their support since we launched the website in April.  I am so grateful for all of your suggestions and encouragement.
This month I am delighted to feature an article from Ann Leach.  Ann is the President of Life Preservers, a global grief support community.  Her personal and professional experience provides a unique perspective into ways you can assist your friends and family members through the grieving process.   Ann's article will give you concrete ways to provide support in the simplest of ways.  I am sure you will find her article Should I or Shouldn't I very insightful.
Also, be sure to check out This Month's Inspiration featuring Give Forward.   Give Forward is a unique way to assist friends and family members raise funds for funeral experiences, medical expenses and/or donations for a favorite charity.  The ability to assist those in need at a very difficult time is a blessing that Give Forward can assist you with managing.
Each month we will be featuring a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process.  Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.
Have a suggestion or a story to share?  We would love to hear from you.
With Love & Gratitude,

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
Oscar Wilde

In This Issue
Featured Article of the Month
Free Special Report
This Month's Inspiration
About Us
Quick Links
Pass It On 
Forward to a Friend
Join our Mailing List!
Featured Article of the Month
By Ann Leach, President, Life Preservers: a global grief support community
If we were honest with one another, I bet we'd both remember a time in our lives when we got the call that someone close to us has died.  And again, being honest, I bet after the initial shock or sadness came, the next thought was "yikes! What should I do?"
Sending flowers can help and so does a chicken casserole, but what if our friend or family member needs a little bit more to sustain him or her than that?  Now what am I supposed to do?
Should I call frequently and ask how he's doing?  Maybe stop by and stay awhile so she'll know she's not alone?
It isn't easy knowing how to show up as a strong support person for someone who has had a devastating loss, but, in my experience as a grief recovery specialist, I have seen and heard some effective ways of showing support and helping someone who is grieving.  Here are five you might want to use:
1.      Simply ask "what happened?"  This question gives your loved one permission to tell the story of their loved one's death.  In telling the story he or she will be able to release pent up emotions and begin to let the reality of the situation sink in.  Your task is to simply listen.
2.      Offer to sit in your friend's house.  I know, what's so helpful about that?  Well, you'd be surprised how much your friend will appreciate knowing someone is there to answer the phone, receive flowers and food and just generally watch over the place while he or she is running to the funeral home to make arrangements, closing bank accounts and making a To Do list for the office staff to take care of over the next few days.
3.      Make some phone calls.  Ask your friend for a list of secondary names and numbers of people he or she wants notified about the death.  These names might include daycare providers, church members, co-workers or friends from social clubs.  Being willing to make these calls can save your friend time and having to repeat the same story over and over, thus creating an emotional mess for themselves.  Yes, there are certainly those who need to hear the news from their loved one directly, but there are plenty of others who don't.  Your call to them can still include them in the offering of sympathy to your friend.
4.      Offer your car.  Chances are out-of-town family members will be arriving for the funeral and, even though they may have their own transportation, they may not feel comfortable driving unfamiliar streets.  Your offer to chauffer them to restaurants, the funeral home and other city sites will be appreciated.
5.      Run to the grocery store.  Sure, there is plenty of food that will show up, but will any of the sacks contain your friend's favorite wine or snack food?  You know what he or she likes, go get it for him or her.  They'll be grateful.
Your kind gestures will go far in helping your friend cope with the loss of an important person in his or her life.  We're all busy and managing multiple roles, but there is nothing like fulfilling the role of 'friend'.
Interested in more tips for grief recovery?  Visit and sign up for our FREE award-winning Ezine, In the Flow.  You'll also receive a free report entitled From Pain to Peace: 5 Tips for Riding the Waves of Grief.  And want to post this article on your site or use it in your publication? 
FREE Special Reports
As part of your Free Monthly Newsletter Subscription to I Did Not Know What To Say Ezine, we are including a copy of our Free Special Report.  Please click on the link below to download the report.
This Month's Inspiration
Give is a free, online fundraising tool that makes it easy for you to raise money in memory of someone you love or to help support a friend or family member currently battling an illness. Whether you need help paying funeral expenses, medical bills, or simply want to raise money to donate in a loved one's name, can help by providing you with a personalized fundraising page where friends and family can donate.
To get started, simply visit and create a user account.  After logging in, click "Start Fundraising," and the site will walk you through filling out your personal fundraising page.
About I Did Not Know What To & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
6614 Tenth Street, A1
Alexandria, VA  22307
(703) 660-8522
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and blog.   Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to
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I Did Not Know What To Say is a website designed to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude, 
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

 Copyright 2009' I Didn't Know What To Say(TM) & Lori Pederson.  All Rights Reserved.