Touching Jesus By : Feliz Morris 

I was born into very violent, abusive and neglectful environment. Child Welfare was involved in my life at 6 months old. My parents were too busy getting drunk to care for my brother and I. We were locked in the porch or locked out of house all together and they would take off. Our father abandoned us when I was 2 years old and then our mother left us on a doorstep for Child Welfare.

We were orphaned at a early age. We already knew that the world was not safe. We could not trust anyone for the very people that were suppose to love and take care of us abandoned us, what would strangers do. At least we had each other so I thought, then Child Welfare decided to separate us because my brother was having behaviour problems because of what we experienced. That is when something in my spirit died. I was never really the same after that. That very act left me very wounded.

I went through 25 foster placements never finding a family to love me and then I was left to fend for myself. I went through horrendous trauma and abuse as a child and adult. I learned to depend totally on myself and no one else. I married early to find out the he was a brutal and sadistic person. I was thrown around the room like a rag doll. I ended up in the hospital numerous times. He was so abusive that I believed what he was saying about me. He would say "How could anyone love you if your mother didn't even love you." He treated me with such contempt and cheated on me every chance he had.

One day I could no longer take anymore. I escaped his grasp and divorced him that was appropriately twenty eight years ago. That was so empowering. I didn't realize then how strong I really was. I moved to another city not knowing any one but I knew I could make it because what I had been through. I realized a few years ago that what I have been doing is just surviving not dealing with the scars, deep wounds and extreme sadness.

I realized I have never felt joy, happiness and especially love. I gave my self to God when I was thirteen but I think I was just going through the motions and never had the teaching of God's Word. I drifted away from Him for many years but would cry out in anguish when things got to much to deal with. Jesus said that he would never forsake or leave us that is so true. We reject Him which is so wrong. Without Him I can do nothing but with Him we can do all things! I rededicated myself to God about 8 years ago and my life has never been the same. I am still being healed from all the pain, abuse and trauma but I know I am in God's hands and it is in His time not mine! I have built very high walls around myself and I find it hard to let anyone in.

I spend a great deal of time by myself and my beloved pets because I felt safe and I know they won't hurt me. I had a lot of anger and rage inside, God transformed me because I don't have that rage & anger any longer but I had to forgive all the people that used and abused me and my so called parents and my ex-husband etc and let them go and give them to God. Satan still tried to upset me by sending tormenting spirits bringing thoughts of the past. I rebuke them and casted them out and told Satan that he had no control over me because I belong to God and I will only think of what is pure, lovely, truth etc and I will not look back but forward. I told Satan that I am covered by the blood of Jesus and protected by God. I suffer from severe arthritis and chemical imbalance in my brain which I only take natural supplements.

I believe that I am healed because Jesus died that I am totally free from sickness, disease, poverty, lack anything that is the curse. I thank God always that I am healed even if I am in pain. By His Strips I am healed.  I am on Disability Benefits and live well below poverty line but I know that God can change my circumstances in a instant. I don't look at my circumstance I look at how big my God is. I believe that my payday is coming. God gives us the power to get wealth and I am blessed not cursed. Satan will never defeat me.

I have decided to learn to make wire jewelry and sell it online and dedicate the business to God and pray over every piece and I have asked him to bless the craft and business so I can give more to him and the gospel. I do give him 10% of my disability benefits.  I love God with all my heart, soul and being and I am trying to live a honorable, righteous and God filled life. I want to be a blessing to others everyday of my life. I want to help others by my testimony and make a difference in someone's life.There is approximately 143 million children orphaned worldwide, probably more now. Please keep me in your prayers & thoughts.

There is a scripture is means a great deal to me; Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close" 

Dear Lord Jesus, we too are subject to presumption in our praying to You. We also harbor commitment to various sins and vices within our hearts - and we require Your help in bringing us to proper repentance. Renew a right spirit within us and restore to us the joy of Your salvation. Deliver us from all hypocrisy in our praying to You. Amen.