Listening is critical to any kind of communication, but for business developers it's crucial for survival.
First, we've got to make a distinction between listening and "hearing." Hearing is when you detect sound of some sort, but it's more like "part of the background." You hear things, but you're not really paying that much attention.
For example, you can hear birds singing, but if you listen to birds singing, that's a completely different experience. You're paying closer attention, maybe to identify the type of bird, or maybe to enjoy being "one with nature."
There's a whole quality of experience available when you listen that you don't get when you simply hear. When you're listening, you're hearing with some kind of intention. There's a reason why you're engaged in communication; you're not uninterested (you couldn't care less) or disinterested (you're indifferent to what's being said.) You have a stake in the conversation if you're listening.
So, that being said, here are some ideas about what listening is, and what it isn't.
Listening is active. You can listen to show empathy, to uncover an issue, to find common ground, to express appreciation or gratitude for something, to show love or affection, to provide instructions or directions, to express something in an artistic domain, or to make a point or argue for some value or belief. You may also listen to uncover an unspoken request, promise, or intention of some sort. What often makes an incredible difference, though, is to just "get," or understand what the other person is communicating. (This isn't as easy as it may seem; we'll take a look at this next time).
Listening is not passive. It's not avoiding or resisting what's being said. It's not coloring the communication with opinions, judgments or assessments. It's not about trying to find a weakness or something to exploit. It's also not about trying to figure out a strategy about how to get what you want. It's not about filtering what the other person is saying through a complaint you have about him/her. It's also not "knowing" who the person is or what he/she is going to say next. It's not about determing the other's agenda or reason for communicating.
These aren't complete lists, so feel free to add your own.
This week, pay attention to how you're listening when others are talking to you. What's going on behind the scenes? Can you just be present to the communication, and not add anything or take anything away?
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Dan Kusner
Chris Rasmussen
Please take a minute and let me know how you're doing out there. How have these tips been helping you?
