If there's anything you should NOT be afraid of, it's commitment.
How do you know whether you have a commitment? It's actually pretty easy.
- Everything you do is inside some commitment. The commitment may not be visible, but it's there, working behind the scenes. For example, you may go to a holiday party that you really don't want to go to. You may do so because you genuinely care for the people who are throwing the party; you may be interested in networking; or, you could be interested in what people might say or think if you don't go (in other words, you may want to avoid looking bad).
- Anytime you get upset about something, you have a strong underlying commitment. The more upset you get, the stronger the commitment. (Note: the commitment may not be a particularly "nice" one; for example, you may have a fierce commitment to be right, no matter what!
- You have a commitment whenever you make a promise.
- This may be obvious, but you have a commitment whenever you commit to something. Many commit to things and then back out of their commitments thinking that there are no repercussions. In fact the opposite is true; whenever you break a commitment to something, there is an impact. It just may take some time to figure out what it is.
Many people (you've heard the stories) are terrified of commitment - to the point that they don't commit to anything powerfully because they fear they'll fail to keep those commitments. These folks are actually more committed to safety and freedom from personal risk; in short, they live a life that's relatively small compared to what they could be living (see the quote below). Another way of looking at this is that they're committed to what they perceive as perfection (commit to things only that you can be absolutely certain of). Or, worse, they are committed to be uncommitted!
People like this are afraid of making commitments, and are robbing themselves of the joy of having a full, exciting life. True, there's more exposure to failure living a life like this, but failure isn't a bad thing. That's right - failure isn't a bad thing. Failures, and recovering from them powerfully, lead to success, confidence and empowerment.
That leads to a paradox: People are afraid of making commitments often because they think their life will be constrained. They won't marry, have children or take a scary-looking promotion because they fear that they may find themselves "trapped." In fact, the opposite is true. When you commit to something that actually looks more than a little scary, you are actually striking a "blow for freedom." When you commit to something large, you are getting yourself out of your own way, surrendering to growth, and being vulnerable to having a great life.
It turns out that when we're afraid of making commitments, it's because we're afraid of how great we could be. Quoting Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
So, I encourage you to feel the fear and do it anyway. By committing to something large and extraordinary, though you may fail, you will always become larger and more extraordinary.
Next week: Family.
Send any questions, comments, stories, or sales problems to
dan@optimumbizdev.com, and I'll personally send you a response!
LAST WEEK'S HOMEWORK: What did you promise with your boss last week? Did you have a commitment that displaced your promise or that empowered it?
THIS WEEK'S HOMEWORK: Go back and have a conversation with your boss about what you're committed to, and how that will make a difference in reaching the goal that you promised. Also, consider taking on a big commitment that you've been avoiding for a while.
Please take a minute and let me know how you're doing out there. How have these tips been helping you?
