Last week we learned that the quickest way to transformation was via "what's so" or "what really happened."
Complaining is something we do when some "reality" doesn't agree with how we'd like things to be.
In other words, something occurs to us as being wrong and we complain about it. Nearly all of us have complaints that have lasted years and have greatly impacted the quality of our lives!
Think about it. People frequently complain about their money situation, job, spouse, children, neighbors, clients, health, and home environment. Some complain out loud and some complain to themselves. Either way, it costs the complainer time, energy, happiness, and health.
How do you put a stop to this complaining? One way is to figure out what's really happening!
As human beings, we are always interpreting things. So things that are happening may actually be very different from what we assume is happening.
Example: a sour look from your client might be "interpreted" any number of ways, such as: "they are in a bad mood," "they are being a jerk," or "I'm not going to be able to close this deal,"...or whatever. As you can see, the interpretation of the event is in the mind of the person and is not what is really happening. In fact, your interpretation is never what's really happening! The two are distinct, yet we collapse them all the time.
Over time, these thoughts become constant complaints, and our reality often then reinforces those complaints. The more your client has a sour look, the more they're a jerk, and the more you want to avoid them.
In fact your client might simply have a case of indigestion or may be concerned about a loved one.
What's true is that you have no idea what's really going on. All you see is your client's face looking a particular way, and immediately you have a thought that isn't based in reality. You're thoughts may seem real, but they really aren't. (That's a pretty powerful insight to dwell on!)
So once you figure out what really - really - is happening, you can address the issue. In this case, you might want to pull your client aside for a moment and check in with them. Find out what's going on and express your concerns.
It takes some courage, but it can make all the difference in the quality of your day and in your interactions with your client. The conversation could also make your client feel better. Perhaps they just need to speak for a while with someone who cares about them.
So why do we complain, if it's so harmful to ourselves and others? Because, underneath, we really like to. It's easier to do that than to deal with or address what's really going on.
Next week: Our filters.
Send any questions, comments, stories, or sales problems to
dan@optimumbizdev.com, and I'll personally send you a response!
LAST WEEK'S HOMEWORK: Did you resolve any of your main complaints this past week? If not, check out this week's homework.
THIS WEEK'S HOMEWORK: Take a big complaint that you have about a client and get to the root of it. How could you make a difference in the life of both the client and yourself?
Please take a minute and let me know how you're doing out there. How have these tips been helping you?
