Last week we introduced the topic of transformation. It's something that can't be adequately described and can't be understood. But you can understand various ways of getting access to it. The process to achieve transformation is usually an inquiry - asking some good, tough questions in order to get at the nature of something.
What will accelerate the process of transformation is a commitment, a burning desire, to transform. But transformation itself isn't really the end result you want; you want something out of your transformation that will provide something in your life, such as "I want a breakthrough in my business," or "I want to have a closer relationship with my clients." Once you have a commitment to achieving a particular result, it's time to move on with the inquiry.
What's the quickest access to transformation? The answer is actually quite simple, but "getting it" is much more difficult in practice.
Are you ready? Here it is: The quickest access to transformation is "what's so," or "what really happened."
This sounds easy, but it really isn't. Why? Because we don't deal inside reality. (We don't even know what reality really is, but that's a topic for another day.) Instead, we deal with meaning or interpretation. Something happens, and immediately we try to figure out why it happened, comment on it, assess it, complain about it, or strategize so that it either will or will not happen again.
In short, we are rarely "there," or just "being," with what's happening. We're usually not present.
To take this one step further: you have a constant stream of language in your head. It just never stops, and it's always judging, evaluating, assessing and strategizing. (What's important to understand is that what's going through your mind isn't reality.)
Want a quick example that could alter your life forever? Let's say you're a guy, and you say your wife/girlfriend nags you.
Nothing odd about that; we hear that all the time. It kind of fits with what we know about husbands: they complain that their wives nag them.
But, in reality, there's no "nagging"! You can't walk into a room and point at "nagging." There's only a husband and wife talking with one another. Nagging is an interpretation of what's going on. It's not the reality of what's going on.
So if there's no "nagging," and there's simply two people talking with one another, what's a possible interpretation of what's going on?
That's a great question. Let's say "nagging" is a disempowering context, or disempowering interpretation, of what the wife is saying. What interpretation could empower the husband and transform the relationship?
The husband could try on that the wife is committed to something: like a clean house, a closer relationship with her husband, health, joy, well-being, or whatever else would "shift" the nagging to something that would create a way of listening in him that would empower her, empower the relationship, and contribute to both of their lives.
If the husband does that, the conversation transforms, the wife is actually heard (and gets that she's heard), and a difference is made in the relationship, because something has been resolved powerfully.
Moral of the story: When you find yourself complaining, you're not dealing in reality. Step back and think about what's really going on.
Nxxt week: more about complaints.
Send any questions, comments, stories, or sales problems to
dan@optimumbizdev.com, and I'll personally send you a response!
LAST WEEK'S HOMEWORK: You probably found out that you either couldn't think of any transformations, or have had only a few. Imagine what could happen if you could cause transformations at any time, in any situation?
THIS WEEK'S HOMEWORK: Take one of your chief complaints and ask yourself, "What is the reality about this situation?" What would an empowering context be of the situation that could resolve it and make it disappear?
Please take a minute and let me know how you're doing out there. How have these tips been helping you?
