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College Decisions: Be Proud of
Yourself, but Be Gracious Too!
Tim logs into the account that he
created when he applied to
Elite College at 5 pm on March 31, just as he was instructed to do.
He has been waiting for this moment for a long time, and he fervently hopes he
will be admitted. The decision is there--and the first word he reads is Congratulations.
Tim is in. He logs into Facebook and posts on his wall: I did it. I am going to Elite
College next year!
Across town Reid has also logged
into his account for the same college. However, the news isn't promising. Reid, along with hundreds of other students,
is on the waitlist. He and Tim are
friends, and they have very similar grades and SAT scores, and are both
actively involved in activities and leadership roles in their high schools and
larger communities. Reid sees Tim's message and quickly logs out of
Facebook.
When students receive good news
about the colleges of their choice, they have every right to  be proud and
excited, and it is only natural that they want to share that information with
their friends. Likewise, when students are disappointed, they need to move on,
embrace the choices they have, and be happy for their classmates--even if they
perceive that their friends have fared better than they have in the college
decision process.
Is this easier said than done? Here
are some questions to think about: -
How might my friend, who is just
as worthy a candidate for this college as I am, be feeling about not being
accepted?
- What can I say to my friend who received
disappointing news?
- How
do I hide my own disappointment and express my congratulations to my friends?
As you ponder these questions, here
are some actions you might consider:
Delay posting on Facebook -- Think
about waiting one day before posting so you can see how your classmates are
faring at school the next day. In your rush to post, you might appear
insensitive or like a bragger.
Don't begrudge others' success -- It's a red flag that you
have the wrong attitude if you find yourself saying things such as "she only
got in because she is a legacy," or "His SATs weren't that good, but his dad
has connections." Not only is it unkind to gossip in this way, but students
also do not really know their classmates' academic profiles and what they have
accomplished, nor do they truly understand what a college might be seeking.
Put yourself in their shoes -- One student we know found out early
that she was admitted to an elite college because she received a likely letter
as an athletic recruit. She elected to keep this exciting news within her
family until after her classmates received their early decision (ED)
notifications. "A lot of people from my school are applying there and are nervous," said the high school
senior. "I don't want to add to their stress."
Even if the admissions' outcome
wasn't what you had hoped for or expected, the good news is that every student
is likely to have many wonderful options for life after high school. After an
often stressful and arduous college admissions process, it can feel good for students to
leave the competition behind and support one another as they head toward
graduation.
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Off the Beaten Path: College Visits Beyond the Official Tour

Even though spring break can give you some well-deserved
time-off from the rigors of junior and senior year, these periods are also the
time you might be thinking about visiting college campuses. For juniors, it is
the perfect time to start looking at schools; for seniors, it gives them one
more opportunity to visit the schools to which they have been admitted as they
try to decide where to matriculate.
The college tour is the traditional way to let students see
a lot of campus sights in a short amount of time, but there is much more to
visiting colleges than just the official tour. Besides watching a cheery
student ambassador walk backwards while spouting off facts about the college,
you also gain a great deal of insight into a college (and whether it is right
for you) by doing a little of your own research and legwork. While this takes a
little more effort than simply signing up online for a group tour, the benefits
of tailoring a visit to your interests and needs are considerable. Here are
some tips to help you go beyond the tour and get the most out of your campus
visit.
Go to Class
Attending a college class is one of the best ways to find
out if the college is a good fit for you. Contact the admissions office to see
if any classes allow prospective students to sit in and observe. Not only will
you get a taste of what a typical college class is like at that particular
college, but you will also get a better sense of the school's faculty and
students.
"Visiting classes can give you good insight on the
students by showing you their level of engagement with the subject matter,"
says Karen Miller, a college sophomore. "Class visits are especially helpful
for getting a handle on the teachers--do they facilitate discussion well? Are
they interesting lecturers?
In this same vein, observe what happens at the end of class.
Are the students able to interact with the professor to ask questions or get
help? If you have the choice of
visiting several classes, opt to visit one that is in your area of interest.
Besides being a topic that you are already interested in, this allows you to
see what majoring in this particular subject might be like.
Spend the Night
Many colleges, including Williams and Vassar, allow prospective
students to spend the night in the dorms. Besides getting to see dorm life up
close, spending some time with your host (usually a freshman or sophomore at
the college) will give you a better feel for the college and its student body.
Whether you are looking for classmates who love the nightlife or ones who want
to spend time in the library, chances are you will get a chance to see what
happens on the campus after dark.
Pursue Your Interests
If you are passionate about a particular subject or extracurricular
activity (and you plan to continue it in college), your campus visit is the
perfect time to find out more about the college's offerings. Don't hesitate to
request meetings with professors in departments that interest you. Talking to a
professor or department head can give you a better perspective on the program's
offerings and accessibility, especially if you are interested in taking courses
in a particular subject but you might not want to major in it.
Besides academic offerings, you can also ask admissions if
you can tour specific facilities, such as the school's art studio, theatre or
athletic facilities, or if you can speak with the program's participants,
instructors and coaches.
Call in a Few Favors
If you are visiting a college where you have a friend or
relative (or even a friend of a friend), try to get in touch with this person
to see if he or she can show you around. This is an authentic and low-key way
to get to sit in on a class, learn about the campus hot spots, and get a candid
opinion about the college in question. Unlike the typical tour guide, this
person does not have a vested interested in selling the school and its talking
points, so getting his or her view can be very valuable.
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March To-Do Lists
Juniors
- Compile
a list of colleges with the help of your counselor. Research and take
notes on each college. You can learn more by reviewing books such as the
Fiske Guide to Colleges and college web sites and blogs.
- Keep
your grades up and, if necessary, meet with teachers to develop a plan for
improvement such as regular extra help sessions or engaging a tutor.
Evaluate your study habits and environment to identify obstacles such as
use of Facebook or cell phone during homework time.
Seniors
- Write
thank you notes to the teachers and counselor who wrote recommendations on
your behalf.
- Keep
your counselor informed as decisions come in so you can respond
appropriately to deferrals, wait lists or other unexpected outcomes.
- Avoid
senioritis and keep your grades up. Most colleges will request a final
transcript, and while it very rare for a college to rescind an admission
offer due to poor senior grades, it can happen.
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Juniors: It's Time to Start Planning for College
Educational
Advocates offers a range of services to support you through the college
admission and application process. Call us at
617-734-3700 for more details.
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Newsletter editorial staff: Joan Casey Terri Suico
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