Q: Are there communication techniques that will prevent power struggles? Communication Skills - In a discipline situation, DO NOT use commands or questions.
a. Commands: Do the thinking for the child. Sit down. Be quiet. Commands don't invite a conversation so that win/win problem solving can occur. It makes it seem like the adult is the only one that knows the answers.
b. Questions: Most people use questions so automatically that it is like breathing. Questions have the effect of handing over too much power to the child. Children can easily say yes or no, which invites unproductive arguing.
c. Statement Sentences: When you use "I statements," you equalize the power between yourself and your child. In order to promote win/win problem solving, you need to use the principle of participation in order to get a "buy in" so that you end up with an agreement. The goal is to invite a conversation with your child - not an "I don't know" response. The very best way to do this is with I statements. "I would like to know"... "I understand that" ... "I'm wondering how"... "I'm not sure that I have it right" ... "I'm confused" ... "I statements" are magical because they give the impression that "I" am the one with the problem and it appeals to a person's desire to help. It takes the pressure off of "YOU" haven't done something right and thus diminishes defensineness. Furthermore, a statement is a fact, a fact is the truth. It is hard to argue with the truth.

Q:What is the best way to get a child to stop playing and get down to business? Yes, nevertheless - When you get resistance, nod your head and state the child's point of view. "Yes, I know you are busy," "You want to watch TV," "You are having fun playing with your friends," "You don't feel well." "NEVERTHELESS," then tell them what needs to be done. This is a powerful technique once you've mastered it. Be sure to use other words such as "but", "however, there is a problem." What needs to happen now is ______." For example: "You would like to finish playing with your friends because you are having a lot of fun, nevertheless it is time to wrap it up and get ready for bed." This technique works because it uses receptive listening. A child doesn't feel controlled or manipulated if you make it clear that you understand his or her point of view.

Q: What is the single most important parenting technique that is a sure fire way to be successful? Catch Them Being Good! - Be prolific with this technique by using it over and over again. Notice how your child helped, even if it is picking up a piece of paper off the floor. It makes children feel good and most of all it promotes rational thinking.

My teenage son is a master at changing the subject when we are trying to solve a problem that it is maddening. I fall for it every time. Diversionary Tactics - When a child changes the subject with diversionary tactic to take your attention off of what you are talking about, say, "What we are talking about is ___." Be a broken record if you need to. Say it until they stay focused. If diversionary tactics (DT's) are chronic, call to the child's attention what they are doing and ask them to stop. Changing the subject is a diversionary tactic that is frequently used when a person (child or adult) feels uncomfortable or defensive about the subject being discussed. It is easy to lose track of the problem that you really want to solve when people manipulate this way.

Q:How can I make agreements with my child that they will actually accept that it is important for them to follow though? The Principle of Participation: First, identify the problem; second get a "buy in" to what each person will do; third, end up with an agreement. Let the child know the facts of the situation, by identifying a problem to be solved and turn it over to your child to participate in solving it. Stop, listen, and let them think about it. Have a conversation with the child. Don't merely state your solution without using their participation. Use discipline (teaching), not punishment. This means letting your child talk. Thinking takes time. Don't turn off all the good you want to do by lecturing. Children don't listen to lectures as much as parents think that they ought to. You may also have them write down their agreement and post it in the kitchen. Set the rules and boundaries WITH the person's participation as to what the agreements are. If someone falls down, go back to, "I understood that we had an agreement that you would _____." EXPECT compliance by getting agreements using the communication techniques described in #3 as soon as is developmentally able to do so.