Update from the School Director    

"Kids thrive when they feel the adults in their lives see them in a consistent way."

Michael Thompson, Author

Dear Lanikai Families:

October is a very busy time of the year for the school and I am sure students are more interested in the Fall Fest and Haunted House rather than the upcoming Parent-Teacher conferences set for Friday, October 28th.  Involvement in a child's school life is a delicate balance between the social events as well as the academic support side of schooling.  Both are equally important and vital for a healthy and thriving school experience.

Parent-Teacher conferences are designed to give you a dedicated time to review your child's progress and share successes as well as barriers to learning.  Because the time is short, we ask that you come on time to your scheduled appointment, but also to be prepared with questions of your own.  Remember, we are partners in your child's education.  With that, I have included an article that appeared in Time Magazine regarding Parent Teacher Conferences by Dr. Michael Thompson (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1027505,00.html).

Kids thrive when they feel the adults in their lives see them in a consistent way.  So parents and teachers should try to use the precious minutes of a conference to reach an agreement about a child's strengths and challenges and to unite on the best ways they each can respond to them. Here are some tips on how to build a relationship that will benefit all:

1. Be there. Research shows that children do better academically when both parents attend conferences and PTSA meetings. A parental no-show sends a message to a child that maybe school isn't such a high priority--or perhaps that the child isn't.

2. Remember the F word: focus. The aim of a parent-teacher conference is for adults to build a mutually respectful alliance that will support a child's sometimes difficult journey through school.

3. Share insider information. Tell the teacher what you know about your child as a learner. You know what your child loves and hates about school, what motivates your child, what has worked with teachers in the past. Also tell the teacher about your hopes and fears for your child. That information can help a teacher fine-tune instruction or interactions to be more effective. It builds the relationship between the adults when parents can share some of their own feelings about their child's future.

4. Use a report card as a jumping-off point, not as the centerpiece of the discussion. Turn any review of grades into an opportunity to get the teacher's more detailed observations about what's working and what's not for your child. Do not dwell on the grade itself, and do not attempt to pressure a teacher to change a grade, especially at a conference. (If you believe there is a real issue of injustice, take it to an administrator.)

5. Inquire about your child's progress in areas that aren't easily measured by grades. Not every child is going to be a brilliant student, but you want your child, brilliant or not, to be a loving, respectful, productive citizen who can live in community with others. Ask whether she or he has friends, is part of a group, knows how to socialize and work respectfully with other children. How your child functions with other people is going to make a big difference in later life.

6. Ask what you can do. Be receptive to advice on how you can support your child's success without micromanaging or rescuing him or her from mistakes and the valuable lessons they offer.

7. Trust your child's development. Try to relax a little and have faith in your child and your child's journey through school.

8. Leave your own school baggage at home. We all have memories of teachers and classes that made us miserable. Set those aside and approach your child's teacher as a peer and partner. Assume a teacher wants to see your child succeed in school and in life--just as you do. The respect you show a teacher is contagious and will find its way back to your child.

Michael Thompson, Ph.D., is the author of The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child to Achieve Success in School and in Life and co-author of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys

   Counselor's Corner 

This can be a SPOOKY time of year when those SCARY report cards come home! Some parents will worry and be anxious about how their child does. Others might say, "My child does fine, it's not scary for my, but I worry about their friendship skills.

Children come in all shapes and sizes, all temperaments and personalities. If your child is doing well, praise them, encourage them, and keep up the good work! If not, encourage them to do their best, and start today.

What if your child is not doing as well as you think they can in school? I hope you were able to meet with their teacher and discuss strategies for improvement. Please feel free to give me a call if you need some other help, or just encouragement, in this area.

• Read to your child! Do you do this as a regular routine?
• Create a "special" place for homework: the kitchen table keeps them nearby while you make dinner or do dishes, and answer questions.
• Read what your child reads! It's a good way to start discussions in the car or over dinner and encourage comprehension. It also shows you what children's literature is up to, and what young minds are thinking.

I have continued visiting the classrooms with our Character Education program. For the lower grades, we read "I'm Telling the Truth" when we covered the Character Value HONESTY in September. The older students did an activity "The Truth Be Told", which they took home and shared with you.  

Our Character Value for the month of October is COOPERATION! Talk to your children about what it means to them, and what it means to you and your family.

"The NED Show is coming! What is NED? A fun show for our students, using yoyos, with the message to Never give up, Encourage others, and Do your best. It will be November 8th in the morning. Yoyos will be for sale after school for a few days following the show."  

           Happy Halloween!

            Julie Halpern, School Counselor