I go to the chapel to pray. No one is in there. It is quiet. Silence is beautiful. I crave it these days.
I sit in the pew right opposite the Blessed Sacrament. I just sit. I have nothing to say really. I just sit with the Lord.
I remember something from a poem about how prayers in the chapel are interwoven with prayers from others who have come before and will come later. I like that thought. So I just sit and ponder. Like Mary pondered.
When I go to Eucharistic Adoration, I often bring a bag of books. I don't know why. Am I afraid of the silence? Am I afraid of just "being" with God? Do I always have to accomplish something? Like reading this book or that one, or studying a devotional or a scripture verse? All good things, course. But what if I just went to Adoration to just sit with the Lord in the silence? Would I be bored? Would I know how to pray without a book?
Of course. I used to do centering prayer everyday. I don't any more. These days I like just sitting there. There is a story of a man who just sat in the church everyday. A priest asked him one day what he was doing. The man answered, "I just sit here and look at Jesus and he looks back at me."
I have to go back to work. Did I pray or did I just ponder too much? I take a deep breath in, reminding me that Jesus is present with me. I offer up all my ponderings (is that a word?).
Next time I go to Eucharistic Adoration, I will go with no books (well, maybe just one). And I will just sit there and look at Jesus. And know he is looking back at me. Loving me.