We have all met someone who loves to say, "This is who I am, take it or leave it." Or, "You'll always know where you stand with me, I make my positions very clear", with the implication of World, Adjust to Me.

Add some hierarchical title in there (if they are VP, EVP, or a C-something) and look out, because now they feel even more justified to ask the World to do the Adjusting. There is one thing about Ego and EQ - they are mutually exclusive. When I operate from a place of Ego, I make choices that are good for me, I do things that meet my needs, and I expect others to make me comfortable. When I operate from a place of EQ, I understand that it can't be about me, and the burden is on me to read situations and people accurately in order to respond in most appropriate ways. And I get that it means that I have to be the one doing the adjusting, and that it won't always be comfortable.

Take the following scenarios:

• The executive who doesn't attend the pre-sales meeting planning sessions, arrives the day before and wants the entire agenda changed. Ego over EQ.
• The employee who receives a terse email from a co-worker and instead of writing an equal attack right back, makes the effort to speak to the co-worker in person and uncover the real issue. EQ over Ego.
• The front-line employee who finds an interesting article on an innovative approach and leaves a copy of it for a senior leader with a note of suggestion. The executive chews out the front-line employee's boss for not teaching her to follow chain-of-command. Ego over EQ.
• The senior leader who, despite political consequences, publicly takes responsibility for a bad decision. EQ over Ego.
• The business owner who sees that the office is overwhelmed with work and jumps in to help with administrative support. EQ over Ego.