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The Shoulds Revisited
My most well received article was published in Dentaltown Magazine in February 2011. It was titled "A Prominent Dental Disorder: The Shoulds." What does this topic have to do with finance? For dentists, everything! I'd like to return to the subject and delve a bit deeper. For the full article click here.
From the article:
The drive to succeed and the fear of failure are established early in childhood. Dr. Bob Levoy has noted that dentists often come from controlling families. With the trauma of expectations at home and school, families often wind up with neurotic children. And perfect dental school candidates!
Many dentists develop an early appetite for guilt, brought on by a hefty portion of childhood shoulds: I should only get As on my report card; I should do well at sports; I should keep my clothes immaculate; I shouldn't injure my (future doctor) hands; I should control conversations with my peers.
Issues such as keeping up with journals, having a nice office and practicing high-tech dentistry, having attractive staff members, keeping one's children in the right schools and making sure they represent you well, and being "successful" are a part of the list covered in the Dentaltown article.
Other issues confronting all professionals:
- I should always speak seriously to be taken seriously. Humor in the office is not appropriate.
- I should appoint myself with designer clothes, proper automobile, and appropriate jewelry to be noticed and appreciated correctly.
- I should always be able to deflect criticism or bad news.
- I should never be the first one to work or any event---that indicates lack of control.
Shawn Worthy, Ph.D., describes "shoulds" as one of the core irrational behaviors related to Rational Emotive Behavioral Theory, identified by psychologist Albert Ellis in 1993. According to Ellis, emotional difficulties take simple preferences like desires for love, approval, and success and turn them into dire needs, musts, and shoulds. Worthy further notes that "Musts or shoulds, when turned inward, create depression; when turned outward, create anger. Also, self-worth may be irrationally contingent upon arbitrarily self-created criteria.
Let's look at the new list from above:
I should always speak seriously to be taken seriously; humor in the workplace is not professional: To be direct regarding any issue is certainly appropriate, yet to allow yourself no humor is downright dangerous to your business' health. Chris Robert, assistant professor of management in University of Missouri's Robert J. Trulaske, Sr. College of Business, said that humor "particularly joking around about things associated with the job" actually has a positive impact in the workplace. Occasional humor among colleagues, he said, enhances creativity, department cohesiveness and overall performance. For the full article, click here.
Blue humor? That's not appropriate in most situations and offices.
I should appoint myself with designer clothes, proper automobile, and appropriate jewelry to be noticed and appreciated correctly: This one is downright silly! It's about service to customers; you are not the center of attention! The customer is the center. To make patients comfortable is all-important. A clean person that dresses nicely is miles ahead of the fashion maven that wreaks of Chanel Antaeus all day!
I should always be able to deflect criticism or bad news: This one is a career buster. To not take responsibility for your actions never works for long. The blame game is a loser for all. If you have any of that in your office, address immediately. If you don't, all will suffer. The employees will suffer in that they know policy is not taken seriously, and the boss will suffer for lack respect from employees.
I should never be the first one to work or any event---that indicates lack of control. To be a bit late promotes my importance: Dr. Phil says it best: "Those that are chronically late show arrogance." This is another career buster. Arrogance does not work in business.
Click on Dr. Phil to view a four minute video on those that are chronically late.
It's all about being you, docs. It's also about respecting your patients, no matter if it's a fidgety three year-old or a forgetful 90 year-old. I was fortunate to sit in on a Dr. Rhonda Savage lecture last week at the Townie Convention in Las Vegas. Her list of patient wants: No waiting. Team friendliness. Good atmosphere. A good relationship with the office. It's all about the patients, doctors. If you establish a respectful relationship, you'll never want for team members, patients, or money. To access additional Carlsen Dentaltown Magazine articles, click on the image. 
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