Recently, a hurricane ripped through South Texas. The city of Houston felt the brunt of the fierce storm accompanied by powerful winds. Many of the city's trees-some 140 feet tall-could not withstand the 100 mile per hour winds. All over the area pines, oaks, elms and magnolias, were uprooted and broken, littering the ground.

Only one tree was able to survive hurricane force winds - the palm tree. Unlike a majestic, thick oak tree, the palm is thin, narrow and appears frail. Yet, the palms held up when other larger, stronger trees succumbed.

The reason: palm trees are highly flexible. They have learned how to bend so as not to break under high winds. The palm tree can actually bend all the way over so that the top leaves touch the ground and still not break. They survive by being flexible, adaptable, pliable, fluid and elastic.

Those same characteristics can be applied to people managing the death of a loved one. In order to withstand and survive this stormy time in their lives one needs to be flexible, adaptable, pliable, fluid and elastic. Those who remain rigid and inflexible will take longer to recover and complicate their grieving process. The sailor's creed is one which also applies to the bereaved: "We cannot direct the winds but we can adjust our sails."

AN OPTIMIST'S VIEW OF CHANGE

Everything on our planet is subject to change. Rivers change. Lakes change. Trees change. Even the mountains change. And, change will come to every single person.

Some changes are welcome but many are not. Much of our suffering results from our inability or unwillingness to adjust our lives to the change which has come. When change comes we suffer more deeply when we cling to the way we wish our lives were rather than adapt to the way it really is.

Because change is inevitable, it is crucial for us to view change with the eye of an optimist. Rather than fear and loathe an unwelcome change, we can train ourselves to embrace it by viewing it in these ways:

· Change comes to everyone.  

· Change is an opportunity for personal growth.  

· Change brings new opportunities, new people, new perspectives.  

· Change nudges us to become more flexible and resilient.  

· Change creates new patterns of thinking and viewing life.  

· Change enables us to learn important lessons.  

· Change is a reminder we are not always in control.  

· Change helps us surrender or relinquish control.  

· Change empowers us to tap into our Higher Self.  

· Change gives me a choice in how I will respond.  

· Change develops and deepens my personality.  

· Change heightens inner strength and resolve.  

· Change provides me with an opportunity to regroup and rebuild.  

· Change can be good.

HELPING OLDER ADULTS DEAL WITH GRIEF 

Grief can be compounded for older adults because they often experience multiple losses over a brief period of time. Some older adults lack the support systems they had when they were younger. Here are some basic ways to help a parent or grandparent deal with the losses  they face.

- Spend time with the person. Simply being alone and sometimes housebound accentuates feelings of sadness and can deepen depression. Make time to visit. Invite the person out for a morning coffee or afternoon tea. Your friendship will be a source of healing.

- Ask them how they are feeling. Without being intrusive, gently ask how they are doing, feeling, adjusting to loss. A simple question or two opens the door for the person to talk and share his or her feelings. Then listen quietly, allowing them ample time to share memories of the person who has died.

- Be patient. Older adults deal not only with the loss of partners and long time friends but experience other losses as well: health, physical strength, loss of youth and beauty, social interactions, etc. They may need more time to process feelings and information. They may take longer to complete some activities. Your patience will show both your concern and respect for them.

- Encourage healthy habits. Remind them to get enough sleep, eat healthy meals, visit and talk with friends. Encourage them to exercise regularly at whatever level they are capable.