Quick tips on how to comfort a grieving person

Originally, the word "comfort" did not have it's present soft connotations of ease, contentment and well-being. It comes from Old French confortare meaning "to strengthen greatly."

Doing that means providing those who are struggling with emotional and psychological shelter during a storm in their lives. The first step in doing this is simply to listen without judging, interrupting or advising.

The second step lies in responding with words that help and heal rather than with comments which come across as trite cliches. To "strengthen greatly" those who comfort here are some common cliches followed by more helpful expressions.

Less helpful...Be strong and you'll get through this.

More helpful...I admire your perseverance.

Less helpful...This was for the best.

More helpful...I am sorry this happened.

Less helpful...You are fortunate your mother died peacefully.

More helpful...I was saddened to learn of your mother's death.

Less helpful...You have your whole life ahead of you.

More helpful...Give yourself time to heal.

Less helpful...That's life.

More helpful...No one should have to go through this.

Less helpful...If I can do anything, just give me a call.

More helpful...I will call you Wednesday evening just to check in.

Less helpful...This was God's will.

More helpful... God's heart is also broken over this.

Less helpful... You should join a support group.

More helpful... Have you considered looking into a support group.

Less helpful... I know how you feel.

More helpful... Can you tell me how this feels?

Less helpful... You can have other children.

More helpful... Your child brought joy to everyone.

Less helpful... At least he didn't suffer.

More helpful... I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.

...it is important to create space where the child can express and explore his or her feelings. If a child is fortunate he or she may have a good friend with whom to do this.

However, many children feel isolated from their friends after a death in the family has occurred. Not knowing what to say or how to act, their friends may simply avoid them. This leaves a grieving child feeling different from their peers. Here are some ways young people have successfully dealt with

their loss:

 · Confiding in a trusted adult. This could be a parent, grandparent, relative, teacher.

· Using art form. If your child has a talent for writing, art, or music then encourage him or her to write in a journal, write poetry, draw or paint, play or write music.

· Peer support group. Many communities have peer support groups for children of various ages. Check with your funeral director, spiritual leader or school nurse to locate one.

· School counselor. Check to see if your child's school has a counselor on staff. This person can become an invaluable resource.

· Other families who have had family death. It can help to identify another family in the community, talk with them to gain insights. Most people who have suffered a loss are more than willing to reach out and help others who are grieving.