One of the greatest college basketball coaches was John Wooden, who died earlier this year at age 99. In 1932 Wooden married his high school sweetheart, Nell Riley, saying she was "the only girl I ever went with." They had a long happy marriage. In 1985, Wooden was devastated when Nell died at the age of 73, after a long illness.
They had been married 53 years and had remained remarkably close given the demands of professional coaching. Nell attended UCLA games, even on the road, and in a pregame ritual John would look for her in the stands and exchange their "the lucky look." He would wave his rolled-up program at her and wink and she would give him the OK sign.
After her death, Wooden became what he described as "bordering on" a recluse for several years, staying in the condominium they had shared, refusing to change anything about it. He stopped going to the NCAA Tournament's Final Four, saying: "She was always with me at the games, so the memories are too painful." Each month he wrote her a letter, adding it to a growing stack on her pillow.
Observing his grief reaction, some may have criticized Wooden for being "too reclusive" or "too morbid." Neither of those would have been correct observations. John Wooden adjusted to the loss of his beloved wife, continued working as a motivational speaker and author. The lesson from his grief experience is this: people grieve differently; there's no 'right' and 'wrong' way.
Here's some wisdom from John Wooden to think about. They apply to life in general and especially to those who grieve.
· Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by
what you should have accomplished with your ability.
· Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
· Be quick, but don't hurry.
· Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are, while your
reputation is merely what others think you are.
· Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
· If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm
positive that a doer makes mistakes.
