News from Marnocha Funeral Home

July 2010

Courtesy of Marnocha Funeral Home

Dear Friends,

Have you ever considered living with this philosophy:
Time will tell.

Here's how it operates: Rather than jump to the conclusion that your life is a disaster, or impossible or a mess, try offsetting those types of thoughts by saying to yourself: time will tell.

Don't make important or final emotional decisions about your situation while you are in the midst of it. Give it some time. In so doing you will gain wisdom, balance and perspective.

As an example, consider these events which took place over a year in the life of one man:
   · After working for the same company for 32 years, he was fired
      at age 53.
   · His boss explained the firing by saying
      "Sometimes you just don't like somebody."
   · He was deserted by friends, including his best friend who never
      called after he was fired.
   · He started to drink heavily.
   · He developed tremors.
   · He considered suicide.
   · His best job offer was from a company on the edge of
      bankruptcy.
   · He took the job and became widely criticized for the company's
      worsening problems by the press, the US Congress and many
      prominent business leaders.
   · He gave up his entire salary due to the company's rapidly
      deteriorating financial condition.
    · He began waking up in the middle of the night with panic
      attacks, fearing that he was going insane.
    · He started seeing double.

That man was Lee Iacocca. Five years after being fired he was universally acclaimed for saving the Chrysler corporation and the jobs of its 600,000 employees. His success was so stunning that he was widely encouraged to run for president of the United States.

Iacocca probably felt the day he was fired was the worst day of his life. In retrospect, that one bad day made everything else possible. The day he was fired may have been the best day of his life.

So, in the middle of a crisis, don't judge yourself. Remind yourself: Time will tell. Then use the time to make your life better.

A Tale of Two Grievers

Tlae of two grievers Two women who lived side by side in a neighborhood were both in their early 30s when they were widowed. One husband died as result of a sudden heart attack. The other died in an automobile accident. Both women were left with two children each to raise as single parents.

Though it would appear that both women would have about the same chance at grief recovery, that's not what happened.

Two years later, the woman whose husband died in an auto accident, is lonely, frustrated, dealing with major depression and appears to be stuck in her grief. After the death, she withdrew and retreated from life, isolating herself from healing opportunities.

On the other hand, the woman whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack has successfully adjusted and adapted her life to loss. Shortly after the death, she joined a grief support group, continued involvement in various civic and religious organizations, and educated herself about grief by attending several workshops.

Those two women are symbolic of something which happens every day in the lives of people. When a life crisis strikes, some people flounder while others eventually flourish; some roll over and give up while others rise up and go forward.

The difference comes down to the power of choice. One chooses to recover and recoup. The other is unable to make the choices which lead to new growth and evolution.

Whether your loss is recent or more distant, make the choice to heal. Choose life in spite of the painful blow life has sent your way.

Eleanor Roosevelt was wise when she said: "In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."

HOW TO HELP A GRIEVING FRIEND

To help a friend in grief, follow these five basic guidelines:

1. Be there with compassion. This means listening with your heart

    in such a way that your friend can express his or her feelings
    knowing they will not be judged nor criticized by you. Let the
    griever do most of the talking. Your task is simply to listen.

2. Avoid cliches. Be skillful with your help. Avoid responding with

these cliches: