 |
|
Courtesy of Marnocha Funeral Home
Dear Friends,
 Winston Churchill famously said: "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty . . . never yield to the apparently over-whelming might of the enemy." Of course, he was encouraging the people of England during World War II when the enemy was Germany. His words can also apply to all those facing bereavement. The "enemy" is grief and it can appear to be an overwhelming mighty force. In order to tap into the enormous emotional, physical and spiritual energy necessary to continue on and not give in or give up, it can help to affirm faith in yourself with these kinds of statements: ✔ I believe I have the strength to see this through. ✔ I believe I have the wisdom to deal with the many changes. ✔ I believe I am being guided by a higher power. ✔ I believe I am capable of rebuilding a new life for myself. ✔ I believe I am able to learn and grow through this experience. ✔ I believe I can choose to focus on what is left, and not only upon what is gone. ✔ I believe I can find ways to be more grounded and centered. ✔ I believe I have the ability to create my life anew each day. ✔ I believe I can do whatever it takes to manage the pain of loss. ✔ I believe I can create meaning out of my loss. As you move through grief keep in mind this advice from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov: Always look for the good in yourself. Focus on that good; highlight it.... |
|
LEARN FROM A MISTAKE AND THEN MOVE ON
Nothing can cast more gloom over our days than failure. Yet, every life has its ups and downs. When you make a mistake or experience a failure, learn a lesson by using it to establish a new chapter in your life. Don't get bogged down with regrets.
 That is a lesson imparted by Wally Amos who established the gourmet cookie line Famous Amos in 1975. In 1989, at age 53, financial problems caused him to lose his company.
Today he says: "Whatever happens, learn from it and move on. Too often, we wish we had handled things differently. We start replaying in our heads all the things we should have done. Until you accept what has happened and move beyond it, you can't make things different."
Wally Amos followed his advice and moved forward. He became a professional inspirational speaker, making $10,000 per speech. In addition, he has authored five books. The lesson: don't let a failure, a mistake a setback, ruin your day and your life.
|
GUIDE CHILDREN THROUGH BEREAVEMENT
On September 11, 2001, David Rathkey died as a result of the tragic terrorist attacks, while he was at work at the World Trade Center. His wife - Julia Wilcox Rathkey - became a widow and the single parent of three children. Ms. Wilcox Rathkey has since published an exceptional book, What Children Need When They Grieve.
Here are some suggestions she offers to parents, grandparents and other important adults in a child's life to help guide children through the grieving process:
· Say "I love you" as many times a day as you are able and show your love with actions.
· Hug your child.
· Listen to your child.
· Praise your child.
· At bedtime, give a child at least five or ten minutes of your undivided attention.
· Let your child know you are there for him, and be sincere in your words.
· Combine routine with love by developing a new evening ritual when putting your child to bed or saying good night. A back rub, a story, or reciting prayers can be very soothing.
· If a child upsets you with bad behavior, reprimand the behavior and not the child. Let the child know you love him but not the behavior.
 · Loving a child means being a parent and helping a child through right and wrong. Don't use grief as an excuse for forgiving or allowing bad behavior.
· Children may need love in different ways. Some children may need comforting bedtime conversation, some may need to be held, and others might need constant attention and reassurance.
· Don't be overprotective. Guarding your child from all the outside elements is doing that child a disservice. A child needs to heal, and healing involves pain.
· Grief causes insecurity. Loving a child will help that child to regain some security.
| |
|
|
|
|
LINKS &
UPCOMING EVENTS
_________
Pulaski Area Bereavement Group
"Sometimes the loveliness of God's presence comes
in the midst of pain."
Madeleine L'Engle |
Research from my
laboratory shows that
there are three strategies
in particular that are
effective at boosting
happiness.
Number one is counting
your blessings, expressing
gratitude to others,
appreciating what you
have.
The second strategy is to
practice acts of kindness,
generosity, philanthropy,
giving the gift of your
time and resources.
The third strategy is
training your mind to
practice optimistic
thinking, to see the glass
as half full.
-Professor Sonja
Lyubomirsky
|
TIPS FOR NUDGING YOURSELF FORWARD
While you can't change the past, you can look at the experience differently. It can help nudge you forward on the journey. Here's how. 1. Make the choice. Choose life. Choose to accept reality. Choose to stop dwelling on what is gone and begin to see the new life emerging. Say to yourself, "I know this is hard but I choose to move forward." 2. Begin to contain your grief. Rather than allow it to consume most of your waking thoughts, consider scheduling blocks of "grieving time." This could be half an hour, twice a day. Remember the words of Kahil Gibran: "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you will see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." 3. Modify your thinking. When you find yourself thinking "I'll never be happy again" stop that thought. Tell yourself it's not the truth and replace it with this: "There's no reason why I can't be happy again and have a good future with new people and new experiences." Writer Mary Engelbreit offers this reminder: "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." 4. Live in the present. The most effective way to break free from living in the past is by focusing on the present. Every morning when you wake up remind yourself that the new day is a gift. Take advantage of it. Make the most of it. "Don't let the past steal your present" is the advice of Cherralea Morgen. 5. Clarify your goals. Besides the desire to complete the grieving process, establish and clarify other goals for yourself such as: making new friends; getting some training; pursuing additional education; re-entering the work force. "If you don't know where you are going, how can you expect to get there?" asks Basil S. Walsh. |
 |
|
