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| January 2012 Newsletter | SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com |
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Successful College Parenting Strategies
When you are more successful in your parenting your student is more successful in gaining skills for life! TM
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Greetings!
 Chances are your student has been home for several days or even a couple of weeks and your time together has been a mixed bag of joy, stress, amazement and hope. You might be experiencing a sense of futility as you attempt to have things function within a normative range around your home. Your son or daughter is likely continuing to live his or her college-paced life in the midst of the rest of the family needing to get to bed at a decent hour and get up early. It is not that your son or daughter is trying to be intentionally disruptive, but rather this rhythm of life has become his or her "new normal." Meanwhile you are living in a home that likely never sleeps -- where kitchen cabinets mysteriously open and close when the lights are off, washers gyrate at odd hours and their contents rarely seem to make it to the dryer. And then, some nights, as the garage door lowers just when you are nodding off to sleep -- the guys come over to "just hang out in the basement to play NBA 2K12." A chorus of "Shh" can be heard periodically and the smell of popcorn fills the house. Instead of only being frustrated by bumping up against your student's independent ways, take a moment to think about how you might change things up a bit in your parenting. As the new year emerges consider changing a predictable reaction, asking different questions, adopting a new approach, assuming a different perspective, or becoming aware of a counterproductive communication pattern. Step away from parenting on auto-pilot and step up to choosing to expand your parenting skills and strategies during 2012. All the best, -Kay Kay Kimball Gruder Follow me on Twitter @KKimballGruder or http://twitter.com/KKimballGruder |
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| Recommended Reading from the
Successful College Parenting Archive
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| Kay's January News |
- Co-presenting at Colleges of the Fenway
- Presenting, New Student Parent Orientation, Berklee College of Music
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| Helping Your Student Navigate Risk |
 Colleges are not a safe haven from any of the ills of society. The opportunities to make bad choices are multitudinous and they come at a time when students feel vulnerable, experience uncertainty, and when they might not yet have the skills, maturity, or perspectives with which to adequately cope, resist,or change the situations to which they are exposed.
Parents often ask, "What quality or characteristic prevents students from engaging in bad decisions and making poor choices while at college?" We know that, with tuition as high as it is, the campus learning ground can be an expensive teacher.
So what's a parent to do?
Read more to gain strategies and tips to help your student to better navigate his or her independence.
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| "Communication Central - A Time to Reflect |  Many students arrive at college having been shuttled through the college process as the next step on an educational journey. Once attending college they typically have little time to reflect and find themselves taking required courses, studying for the next test and being pushed to choose a major in order to get on the right track to graduate in 4 or 5 years. There is little sense of "free time" as there are always things to do, people to see and places to go. Your student might experience a little down time during summers or breaks, but often they consist of working a job to help pay for expenses. Students suffer from not having time, making time, taking time to reflect on what they might want to pursue. Resist the urge to be your student's career advisor, and instead of asking "So what do you think you want to do when you graduate?" (to which your student inevitably replies, "I don't know"), consider interspersing the following questions from time-to-time: - "When do you feel the most energized in what you do?"
- "In which classes do you feel engaged and prepared, and why do you think that is?"
- "Who do you see doing jobs that you'd like to learn more about?
- "What do your friends tell you you're good at, and do you agree or disagree?"
- "What aspects have you liked about the various jobs, internships and volunteer experiences that you have had?"
- "What are you doing when you are least bored?"
The goal in asking these types of questions is to stimulate your student's awareness. While your student might not know what work or what career he or she wants to pursue, it is through greater self-awareness that he or she will start to connect the dots. Additionally, encourage your student to frequently access the career and advising resources at his or her college and engage in internships at every chance to gain exposure to various jobs and work environments. |
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Did You Know... What Men Think About (& Women Too)
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 Terri Fisher, a professor of psychology at The Ohio State University at Mansfield conducted a study with college students that "debunks stereotype that men think about sex all day long." Professor Fisher's research indicates that men and women think about a range of needs with frequency, including eating and sleeping. Her data indicated that the differences in frequency between what men and women think about are not as disparate as you have probably been led to believe by the fairly common remark that "men think about sex every seven seconds."
Go to http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sexthoughts.htm and learn more about the biological needs that are most frequently on the minds of male and female college students.
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As always, enjoy this month's newsletter and please email me with topics you'd like to learn more about. SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com is your resource for enhancing your young adult's college experience and reducing your stress. Visit the website to read this month's article and to access the archive of articles.
Sincerely,
Successful College Parenting Strategies Newsletter Copyright © 2011 by Kay Kimball Gruder
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