Greetings!  

 I recently saw the Harlem Superstars, a comedy basketball team who entertain children and their families and helps organizations raise money for various activities.  I have seen the team perform before, but this time I witnessed a memorable interaction between a parent and child.  

Kids ages 3-16 volunteered for the half-time show.  They went behind the scenes for several minutes with one of the players and learned what they were going to do.  They then paraded out and circled around the Harlem Superstar player at center court.  He began to pass the ball to each child and then prepped the audience by saying that when a child misses a pass we should say together, "You - Are - Out."  He further said, "Even if it is your child, join in, because sometimes they have to hear it from their mama."  It was clear he recognized that parent input could be helpful in moving a child, who was done with his or her turn, off the court.

The ball was passed to each participant multiple times, and as the passes got trickier kids of all ages got out.  What was clear, was that each enjoyed the challenge of the game and showed amazement when they missed a tricky pass.  There was not a single tear shed or real frown expressed.

One boy, who I would estimate was 7 years old, finally missed one of the trickier passes.  The crowd chimed in -- "You are out."  He didn't budge and instead looked up into the stands as if to say, "Mom, help me out, don't I get another chance?"  The Harlem Superstar player asked, "Where's your mama?" and the boy pointed.  She was standing blowing kisses to her son, mouthing I love you, and then said, "It was a bad pass."  The boy walked off the court on his own accord, marching back up into the stands.  

I might choose to focus on how the Harlem Superstar player assumes everyone has a "mama,"  or I might be cautious and wonder if the child had a disability, but I think something else was going on here.  The child wanted another chance, which could be expected, but when I heard and saw the mother's reaction I quietly wondered, "What will this child be like by the time he goes to college!" 

I don't know that any of us can say that some aspect or another of our parenting doesn't muddle our child's development in some shape or form -- but perhaps we can spend a bit more time giving thought to the ways we do.  

• Co-presenting a half-day workshop at the Pre-conference Institute for the 34th Annual AHEAD Conference (Association on Higher Education and Disability), in Seattle