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| November 2010 Newsletter | SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com |
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Successful College Parenting Strategies |
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| Greetings! |
Early November is often a time when our excitement about our student returning home collides with our student entering the peak of his or her end-of-semester stress. We might even take a few days off from our other commitments and begin to think that we are going to have a mini-vacation, but most families experience quite the opposite! If your student comes home for the Thanksgiving Break, he or she will likely encounter additional stress trying to:
- use the time to get caught-up on school work;
- connect with as many friends at home as possible;
- juggle family expectations with his or her own needs and desires.
On top of this, your student is sleep deprived. Let me say that again, "Your student is sleep deprived.", and it is only at about the time that your student needs to return to college that you might see a glimmer of the son or daughter whom you brought there three months ago.
Consider this November break as a test run for some of what might occur during the longer break in December. Think about what you would hope to do differently, gain clarity about your expectations for your student's participation in family-life, and plan to have a conversation with your student about how you and he or she envision the longer break. Having this conversation is important even if your student didn't come home for Thanksgiving, but is planning to come home in December.
As I always say to families -- "college is not home and home is not college", and you will know that your student is maturing when he or she can begin to adjust his or her behaviors to different living environments and expectations. 
All the best in your parenting,
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| Problem Solving - Whose Solution Is It? |
Parents often ask me how they should respond when their son or daughter tells them that he or she is failing a class, experiencing significant roommate issues, or is falling behind in homework, etc. I suggest that the primary goal is to be a resource to your student without leaving an imprint, and to recognize that when your son or daughter chooses to share a problem or challenge he or she is particularly vulnerable. It is during these initial moments that your student is testing the waters to see how you are going to react. Whether your son or daughter will share more, ask your advice, or abandon seeking your guidance is largely based on your reaction. Your reaction will shape the role you will or won't play in guiding your student.
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November
Parenting Webinars |
Webinars are $35.00/registrant(Your spouse or parenting partner attend for free.)
Free Book Discussion (limited to first 15 registrants)
Title: College of the Overwhelmed
Navigating the Holidays: Tips, Tricks, and Traps for Interacting With Your Student
Communicate,Coach,Connect: Strategies to Effectively Guide Your Student
Contact Kay for customized webinar topics. Get 10 registrants and your registration is free!
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Kay's News |
National workshop proposal selected from nearly 1,000 submissions!
Title: Keeping Parents in the Picture, to be presented Mar. 2011, at the College Student Educators International Conference
3-Part Webinar Series Now Available for parents of students with disabilities:
Part 1: What's My Role
Part 2: What To Do When They're 1-month Through
Part 3: Mission Transition
Co-Presented & developed with Marty Bledsoe, Carroll University, Director of Services for Students With Disabilities
Contact Kay to learn more.
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| Communication Central - Changing Habits | |
 During October I spent quite a bit of time with parents and students who were attending family weekend events, and I noticed a pattern in communication to which I want to draw some attention.
Please stop completing your student's sentences!
What became very clear to me, was just how annoying it was for the students. In fact, no student said to their family member, "How cool, that was exactly what I was going to say."
Real Life Example
(I asked a student) "What are you learning about yourself now that you are living in the city (the student was from a rural area)?
(The student responded) "I am really loving it" and the student paused for a split second, but clearly had more to share.
(The parent jumped in) "And he found it really hard to adjust."
(The student then responded, feeling embarrassed) "No I didn't, that was just the first week."
As you might guess, I never did find out what the student was learning about himself.
And if this example hits close to home, count to ten, pause, truly listen, be "okay" with seconds of silence -- do whatever you need to do to let your son or daughter fully articulate his or her thoughts and responses. You might even learn more about what your student is thinking than you imagined possible. |
| Did you know...the forecast in degrees |
During the 2010-11 school year, U.S. colleges and universities are expected to award degrees in the following numbers:
798,000 associate's degrees;
1,669,000 bachelor's degrees;
659,000 master's degrees;
96,500 first-professional degrees;
and 69,600 doctor's degrees.
Source: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, Integrated Postsecondary Education Data System |
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Enjoy this month's newsletter and please feel free to email me with topics you'd like to learn more about. SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com is your resource for enhancing your child's college experience and reducing your stress. Visit the website to read this month's article and to access the archive of articles.
Sincerely,
Successful College Parenting Strategies Newsletter Copyright © 2010 by Kay Kimball Gruder
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