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| September 2010 Newsletter | SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com |
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Successful College Parenting Strategies |
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| Greetings! | |
 As I write the September issue of Successful College Parenting Strategies it is mid-August and I am vacationing in Ocean City, Maryland. Within the first 24 hours of being here I am impressed with the quality of customer service interactions. Yesterday I interacted with the cashier at the grocery store, our waiter at dinner, the lifeguard, photographers on the beach, and the ice cream server at the cafe in our building. Why am I sharing this? Because all of these encounters were with college students -- and what I experienced were motivated, personable, happy and confident emerging adults who had been working really hard to serve tourists, and who were now ready to get back to college.
In my parent coaching practice I often advise parents who are frustrated with an aspect of their student's behavior --- and I am reminded that the student who frustrates his or her parents can be wildly competent in other areas of his or her life. The college students whom I met on this vacation had most certainly gone through stages of causing their parents worry, concern and frustration -- failing a class, staying out all night, appearing apathetic, talking back, getting homesick, having a car accident, and so on.
What is important to note, is that the lens through which we see a child significantly shapes our interactions. If we see the son or daughter who stays out all night as defiant, then we will parent in a zone of frustration and will likely focus on their insolence. But if we seek opportunities to stand back and broaden our view, and not get trapped behind our lens, we will likely catch glimpses of how others perceive our son or daughter. When we can expand our view we are better able to appreciate the growth in our children, to see more of what is positive, and to experience their behaviors as opportunities for further development toward adulthood.
"Sometimes only a change of viewpoint is needed to convert a tiresome duty into an interesting opportunity."
-Alberta Flanders
All the best in your parenting,
Kay Kimball Gruder
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Communicating With Your Student: How much is too much? |
 With a range of technology right at your fingertips it is easy and tempting to communicate with your college student several times a day. We most commonly communicate with our student because we want to: -
offer support and guidance;
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allay a worry or fear that we or our student has;
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express a concern;
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know how he or she is doing;
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celebrate a success;
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share information from home;
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find something out;
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say "hello".
If you find that the nature of your communication focuses on checking up on your student or directing him or her in day-to-day decisions consider resisting the urge. Too much contact can actually send the unintended message that you don't trust your student or that you think he or she lacks the ability to navigate life. For some students, too much contact can also prolong natural feelings of homesickness and prevent the development of important supportive relationships with peers, professors and advisors at the college or university.
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September Webinar Offerings |
Webinars are $35.00/registrant(Your spouse or parenting partner attend for free.)
September Webinars Include:
Communicate,Coach,Connect: Strategies for Guiding Your Student Sunday, Sept. 19, 7:30PM, Eastern Time
Parenting Through the Twists & Turns of College Life
Thursday, Sept. 30, 8:00PM, Eastern Time
Contact Kay for customized webinars. Get 10 registrants and your registration is free! |
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Kay's News |
Visit my Expert page to gain more college parenting tips and strategies through new articles and videos!
Selected to co-present at NAFSA (Association of International Educators) Region XI Conference
Co-presenter & developer, Carroll University Webinar: What to Do When They're
1-Month Through |
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| Communication Central - Let Your Student Know The Possibilities |
 Often students think that their parents won't let them do certain things, like have an internship in an unfamiliar location, study abroad, or go to a friend's home for Thanksgiving instead of celebrating it with family.
In my experience, as an advisor to students, I would discuss all sorts of opportunities and they would often say, "My parents wouldn't let me do that."
I would respond, "Have you asked them?" The students would answer "No," and I would share that they shouldn't assume the position their parents might have, but instead explore possibilities with them, being prepared to explain the benefits of what they desire to do.
Of equal importance, parents need to let their student know all that is possible: expanding the learning opportunities for their student, supporting situations that widen one's perspectives, and encouraging their student to develop or enhance skills through new experiences. |
| Did you know... Arguing Less |
 Millennials, born in the late 1970's to early 1990's, "...get along well with their parents. Looking back at their teenage years, Millennials report having had fewer spats with mom or dad than older adults say they had with their own parents when they were growing up. And now, hard times have kept a significant share of adult Millennials and their parents under the same roof."
Pew Research Report, The Millennials: Confident. Connected. Open to Change.
February 2010 |
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Enjoy this month's newsletter and please feel free to email me with topics you'd like to learn more about. SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com is your resource for enhancing your child's college experience. Visit the website to read this month's article and access the archive.
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