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| August 2010 Newsletter | SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com |
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Successful College Parenting Strategies |
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| Greetings! | |
 When I ask parents what they would like to know more about in terms of parenting their college student, they often reply by saying "Everything." What strikes me about this response is that we have all heard it from our children on more than one occasion. We might ask, "What did you like about the (fill in the blank)?" or "Which of your classes do you like?" and they reply "Everything". For the parents whom I encounter I believe that some say "Everything," because the depth and breadth of what they seek to know is truly extensive, and for other parents I think they might not want to feel too exposed about what they want to learn. Responding this way also means that one doesn't really have to reflect on that which might be challenging or causing him or her concern. I think similar patterns exist when children respond to us with an all-inclusive answer. Perhaps what they experienced was so amazing that it is difficult to isolate what they liked or enjoyed -- or even to capture it in words. Maybe they don't want to reveal too much to us in their desire for independence and separation, or in that moment they don't want to have to think about the very thing we are asking them.
So as our children head to college, whether going for the first time or as a returning student, listen to the language that they use. When you ask questions and get an all inclusive answer like "everything" -- think about whether or not you were hoping for more. In our natural desire to know things about our student's life we ask questions, but parents often share that they feel less than satisfied about the information they get. Many parents then move into interrogation mode which then often shuts down the conversation. So when you feel dissatisfied by your child's response, consider asking different questions, especially questions your child has never heard you ask before, and see if this approach provides both of you with greater clarity and a more satisfying conversation. Your questions might begin with the following phrases: Tell me about ... (Perhaps the #1 most useful question). What did it feel like when ... What do you think about ... Could you help me understand what it is like to ... How did you discover ... What do you want to have happen ...
Just like anything, when something becomes predictable we fall into patterns -- and this is true in our conversations too. Think about creating opportunities for your child to think, and not to just respond.
All the best in your parenting, -Kay
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| Saying Good-bye |
 Saying good-bye to your college-bound student often feels as awkward as a first date -- with anticipation intensifying as one wrestles with thoughts of what to say or not to say, deciding when and how to express important feelings, and then often talking one's self in or out of the possibilities as the final moments draw near. The entire departure phase can also feel a bit interminable, especially if there isn't a defined time to depart and you find yourself wondering more than once "Should I leave now? Nope, guess not, the roommate's family just walked in."
There are many ways to say good-bye, but my question to you is, "How do you want to say good-bye and what do you want to express?"
Click here to begin shaping your good-bye with your college-bound son or daughter and to see what other parents have done. |
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August Webinar Offerings |
Get 10 webinar attendees and your registration is free! Contact Kay to schedule a session.
Webinars are just $35.00 per registrant.
Webinar Suggestions for August Include:
Saying Good-bye with Purpose & Ease
Communicate/Coach/Connect: Interacting with your college student
Anticipatory Parenting: Parenting through common challenges & events in your student's life
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Kay's News |
Co-authored proposal for November NAFSA - Association of International Educators, Region XI --
2010 Conference
New for parents of students with disabilities
3-part webinar for parents of students with disabilities,
co-led with Martha Bledsoe, Director of Services for Students with Disabilities at Carroll University
New for parents of students studying abroad
3-part webinar for parents of students studying abroad,
co-led with Susan Atkins, International Education Consultant
To schedule webinars for your campus or parent group, contact Kay directly |
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| Communication Central - To Cry or Not to Cry | |
 Parents often ask me, "Is it okay to cry when I say good-bye to my child at college?" I respond by saying, "Shift your focus and think about what your child would want."
Now shedding a tear is different than sobbing. Crying after you have left your child's presence is different than crying in your child's residence when others are around. A tear or two accompanied by something that has made you so proud about how your son or daughter has handled something in the past 24 hours is different from tears that are accompanied by the words "I'll miss you so much."
Ultimately, the one thing that your child needs most from you, in that moment that you leave, is to know and believe that you are okay and to know and believe that you think that he or she is okay too. |
| Did you know...What Our Students Are Saying |
Our children sometimes call us to share various complaints about their college experience, but students at four-year private and four-year public institutions nationally identified more strengths than challenges in their educational experience.
These findings were revealed in the 2009 National Student Satisfaction and Priorities Report, which presents the responses to the Noel-Levitz Student Satisfaction Inventory™ (SSI) from more than 686,000 students at nearly 1,000 four-year and two-year public and private institutions
across North America. |
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Enjoy this month's newsletter and please feel free to email me with topics you'd like to learn more about. SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com is your resource for enhancing your child's college experience. Visit the website to read this month's article and access the archive.
Kay Kimball Gruder, M.Ed., Parent Coaching Institute™ Certified Parent Coach®
Successful College Parenting Strategies Newsletter Copyright © 2010 by Kay Kimball Gruder, SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com
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