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| April 2010 Newsletter |
SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com |
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Successful College Parenting Strategies |
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| Greetings! |
During this past month I found myself thinking about the expression "life can turn on a dime." The phrase is in reference to the dime being the smallest coin in U.S. currency, and that to make a turn or to change direction on a dime the turning radius would have to be very tight. When life turns on a dime it changes direction very quickly, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, but always very different than it was a moment ago.
I had several situations this month where I thought "Wow, life really does turn on a dime," and I became increasingly aware about the time and energy I put into worrying about things that will eventually just change anyway. You know the kinds of situations, the ones where all the wonder and worry in the world will have no impact on the final direction or outcomes.
What it brings to mind is that especially in our parenting we can fall into patterns where we spend lots of time worrying about things that will eventually just change. It is unrealistic to think that we will never worry, but in my parent coaching it is clear that the world of "what if" is usually far more overwhelming and emotionally draining than the actual events and circumstances with which my clients are dealing. It is also known that worry comes from a place of fear and not from a place of hope or action.
I invite you to try the following exercise:
1. Make a list of all the things about which you are presently thinking and date it.
2. Circle anything on your list that is accompanied by worry and add a plus sign if the worry feels significant.
3. Identify which aspects of the situations you can do something about and for which aspects you can do nothing. Take time to write down some of this as it will give you thoughts and possibly action steps to which you can return.
4. See if you can rephrase your worry to reflect a sense of hope. In doing so it is common for new opportunities for action to surface or a sense of calm to emerge as clarity is gained about what can and cannot be done.
5. Periodically look at your list and identify how and when things changed. What, if anything, contributed to the change? Did you have a role? Look for any interesting patterns that can inform your parenting.
If you feel that worrying dominates your time and relationships then seek professional help -- as worrying creates high levels of stress which can impact your overall health. And keep in mind the following favorite quote to which I refer from time to time:
"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."
-Winston Churchill
All the best in your parenting, -Kay
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A Sense About Cents |
This week, while traveling to Milwaukee to present at a conference, I found myself sitting among several executives talking on their cell phones. Three out of the four talked about financial issues, and phrases like "meeting the project budget", "re-working the financials", and "locking in now" were part of the various conversations.
I began thinking about how important it is to give our children a strong financial education. I was reminded how little the college students whom I advised knew about their personal finances. Graduating seniors would often say "I need to make a lot of money," but they would not be able to identify how much or for what expenses. I am certain this wasn't unique to the students I advised, because more and more colleges and universities are offering personal financial management and budgeting classes to students in the first year or so of attending college.
In working with my parent clients, and hearing stories from colleagues at colleges and universities, I know that most of us are not nearly doing enough to prepare our children for all the temptations to overspend while they are no longer under our watchful eyes.
Click here to read more and to view opportunities to expand your child's knowledge about budgeting and money management. |
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April
Webinar Offerings |
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Register for a scheduled webinar or approach Kay about conducting one for your group.
View workshops and register to attend sessions. You can reserve your spot in as little as 48 hours in advance.
April Webinars:
Parenting Your Student Toward College Success Skills (NEW)
Parenting Beyond the Here & Now
Communicate, Coach, Connect
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| Kay's News |
Begin Spring with a Parenting Check-up -- to periodically discuss your parenting approach, explore new strategies, and affirm your parenting choices. Learn more here |
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| Communication Central - The Credit Card Debate |
 Many parents are understandably cautious about having their child get a credit card before going to college, while other parents dive into the potential for debt hand-in-hand with their son or daughter.
One school of thought is to have your child get a credit card, because if he or she were to get one without you knowing about it the opportunities for disaster are great. Also, if the card was attained in secrecy then your child would not have the benefit of your knowledge and guidance. Another school of thought is that the chance of a costly learning experience looms with every swipe of the card, so why not postpone the opportunity for disaster as long as possible. The truth is, I think you need to consider the level of maturity that your son or daughter exhibits, the extent of his or her knowledge about the dangers of overspending, and your own willingness to have your child take a risk.
If you decide that you would like your son or daughter to have a credit card, then consider having him or her get one well in advance of college -- so that both you and your student will be able to have a sense of whether he or she can make the kinds of responsible decisions needed to use a card without going into debt. Additionally, if you haven't had the chance to do so already, I encourage you to review the Credit Card Act of 2009 and learn how it pertains to teens and college students under the age of 21. Even consider reviewing the Act with your student -- using it as a chance to talk about concerns, expectations and common pitfalls.
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| Did you know... |
 Half of college undergraduates had four or more credit cards in 2008.
That's up from 43 percent in 2004 and just 32 percent in 2000.
(Source: Sallie Mae, "How Undergraduate Students Use Credit Cards," April 2009) | |
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Enjoy this month's newsletter and please feel free to e-mail me with topics you'd like to learn more about. SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com is your resource for enhancing your child's college experience. Visit the website to read this month's article and access the archive.
Kay Kimball Gruder, M.Ed., Parent Coaching Institute™ Certified Parent Coach®
Successful College Parenting Strategies Newsletter Copyright © 2010 by Kay Kimball Gruder, SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com
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