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eNewsletter - 4th Quarter 2010

NYPCMA Puts Listening Skills to the Test in New Jersey


By Lisa Boyd, CMP
Manager - Communications & Events
IEEE


On Thursday, October 28, 2010, 54 attendees gathered at the Hyatt Morristown in Morristown, NJ for a "Let Your Listening Skills Do The Talking" session led by PCMA Best in Class Speaker - Al Borowski, Med, CSP, PP (Professor of Positivity). Al, who spoke at the PCMA Annual Conference in Dallas earlier this year, delivered an interactive session designed to assist chapter members in becoming more effective listeners, leaders and committed colleagues.

 

His objective for the day was to coach us in listening skills.  I'm sure you've heard that "practice makes perfect".  Al challenged this all too familiar phrase with the counterpoint that "coached practice" makes perfect - without coaching, practice just perfects mistakes.   Simple audience participation activities were a part of the presentation and were very effective in differentiating those that were listening and those that weren't. Al went on to explain and illustrate the four reasons why we are "Poor Listeners".


 

We are poor listeners because we...
  • Never had listening skills training.
  • Don't recognize and appreciate the differences in personalities and learn their styles so we can communicate in a way they'd understand.

    • Ex.: Insiders & Outsiders - in meetings and life, some people process information inside their heads and some process outside their heads;
    • Ex.: Lookers, Talkers and Touchers - at an art museum - which one are you when you see a fine work of art?
  • Don't understand the concept of speed traps.  The rate at which we process information - like a computer.
    • Think speed, See speed, Read speed, Speak speed, Write speed
    • As people speak and you listen, your mind sometimes wanders/races.  It's because you think speed could be 1000 words per minute and their speak speed is only 100 words per minute.  During that lag in speed your mind wanders.
    • Whatever you say to someone competes with what's going on in their heads (business and personal).
  • Tend to focus more on body language than words.
    • Ex.: If someone looks tired to you but explicitly says they are not tired (it could be something else) - you can't go with your assumption - an effective listener will focus on the words the person is saying.

The 7 Laws of Effective Listening presented were:

  1. "You cannot NOT communicate".  As the listener you must focus, listen and observe.  Make sure their words match their emotions.
  2. People can and will succeed with clear, correct, complete, concise and conversational language.  It's your responsibility as the listener to receive and absorb this information.  It's important because you are the one that needs to get something out of this conversation.
  3. Real listening involves an intellectual and emotional trigger.  The intellectual piece is "what helps you gain the most" and the emotional side exhibits "I need your help".
  4. Everyone wants and needs to be listened to.  Be patient.
  5. Focus on the person speaking - eye contact.
  6. Make people feel special.
  7. Take 100% responsibility as listener and speaker.  Communication is not a 50/50 proposition - its is 100%/100%.

 

The other 3 "R's" are a strategy to help follow the chronology of a good listener.  This upside down triangle symbolizes a face (2 eyes and a mouth):

     
Respond (Left Eye)                                                                                   React (Right Eye) 

-Repeat what they said                                                         -React when people speak to you

(paraphrase, focus on the emotion)            (sounds, body language, nodding head, eye contact)


                                                                       

                                              triangle                                                                                                  

                                                                                                          

 Request (Mouth)
-Ask specific questions
(this is the point where you get the info that you are looking for)
                                                                                         
Due to the session's interactive nature, Al provided no powerpoint presentation, handouts or flipcharts - so my listening skills were surely put to the test.  He shared many anecdotal stories, gave examples and drove home his point through various audience participation activities. Please be sure to visit Al's website www.speakerspeaker.com for more detailed information.

This was the second annual New Jersey event for the chapter. For many years, NJ planners have trekked into NYC for all chapter programs.  We made our requests known to the Board and they took action in 2009.  On behalf of the NJ members of NYPCMA, thank you for crossing the Hudson again and allowing us to partake in a chapter event in our own backyard.  This effort went hand in hand with the topic of the day.  As committed colleagues, we spoke, and as chapter leaders, you "Effectively Listened".