Our Common Life...Words from the Conference Staff
Why is there always a secret singing/ When a lawyer cashes in?
Why does a hearse horse snicker/Hauling a lawyer away?
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The lawyers--tell me why a hearse horse snickers/hauling a lawyer's bones.
"The Lawyers Know Too Much"
Carl Sandburg
I think lawyers get a bad rap. Maybe that's because I am a recovering lawyer myself. I'll be honest. I spent 35 years practicing law; so maybe I can't exactly be dispassionate here. But bad rap or not, I think there are a few things that lawyers can teach us all about how to get along with each other.
The last lawsuit I tried before going into the ministry was a serious case. Hundreds of thousands of dollars and the fate of a small company were at stake. The lawyers on both sides were passionate in the representation of their clients. Arguments raged back and forth. Witnesses were examined and cross-examined. But never did the arguments get personal. Never was anyone shown any disrespect. Never was decorum forgotten. And, at the end of the day, when the last witness had left the stand, the last exhibit had been presented and the last argument made, the lawyers shook hands with each other and left the courtroom, if not friends, at least colleagues with a cordial respect for each other. 
Boy, if only it were like that in church. Like lawyers in a courtroom, we fight each other like cats in a burlap bag. Unlike lawyers, though, we seem to be unable to control our emotions or the aftermath of our arguments. No matter what the issue, the fight seems to live on long after the struggle is over. Angry things get said. Feelings get hurt. Emotions rage. Grudges persist. At best, old friends become strangers. At worst, congregations tear themselves apart.
Why can't we learn to fight like lawyers? Two lawyers in a courtroom can claw at each other's eyes for days or weeks and then shake hands and go to dinner together. We can't even disagree over how far apart the lines in the parking lot should be without spilling blood on the council room floor. There are three things, it seems to me, that we can learn from lawyers about how to disagree:
1. Don't take it personally. So what if you and I can't agree whether we should use The New Century Hymnal or The Chalice Hymnal? So what if you think church should start at 8:30 so you can beat the rush to breakfast; but I want to sleep in on Sunday mornings and start church at 10:30? You and I were friends before and we should still be friends afterwards, regardless of what hymnal we sing from or how long we have to wait for our pancakes.
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2. Let it go. Congregations have systems in place for making decisions and people who have been chosen to run those systems. It's far more important to the long-range health of a congregation that decisions made by those systems be respected and supported than that any particular outcome be achieved. Make your case. State your arguments. But, once a decision has been made, get behind it; and not just reluctantly, but whole-heartedly.
3. It's not about me. I may be the center of my own universe, but I'm probably not the center of yours. The sooner I learn this, the better it will be for both of us. We each have our reasons for doing things. You may not agree with my reasons any more than I agree with yours; but we owe each other respect enough to recognize the sincerity with which those reasons are held.
If these three principles sound like things we all should have learned in kindergarten, well, they are. But some lessons are harder to learn-and harder still to practice-than others. But take heart. Christians have been struggling to apply these lessons for as long as there have been churches. It was even so in the time of Paul. What else could have inspired these words (Colossians 3:12-17)?
As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Yes, we are, all of us, God's chosen. It's time we started to act like it.
Tony Stoik
Associate Conference Minister for Western Iowa
January 21, 2011
