Bin There, Recycled That - August 2010  
(If stress is garbage, I've...)
Bin There, Recycled That!
Non-toxic tips to recycle your stress, reduce negativity, and repurpose your life.
How hot has it been? It's been soooooo hot, I've started wearing
waterproof mascara just to drive my car. Bobbe White
Score:  Lycra 1, Bobbe 0
During grade school, mom made me pick out my clothes for the next school day. A time-saving habit...unless you pick clothes that don't work for what your body has become in the morning. Last week, it seemed simple enough, a blouse and skirt for work. Unfortunately, a glance over my shoulder into the mirror, revealed seams and ripples that should not be visible. I added a slip, seamless underwear, and untucked the blouse. Nothing helped. My last resort was Spanx, known by our mothers as girdles. (circa 1900's). On a Lycra strength scale of 1 - 10, Spanx are a 37.  And the bottom line is a much improved view for those behind us. As for the blouse, our bank's dress code has  zero tolerance for exposed cleavage; not a huge problem for me, but I comply when I must. So, off came the blouse. I nearly dislocated my shoulder squeezing into a camisole, formerly known as an undershirt. I don't have many of them, but sometimes, I acquire used camis from the old clothes box that my daughter packs for the thrift shop. One last look in the mirror revealed a smoother, sleeker me. It should have been! I mean, between the Lycra content in my cami and in the Spanx, I felt like a sling-shot.  8 am: my Lycra meter was edging higher.  11:30 am: I peeled the cami away from my ribs. 1:30 pm: I couldn't breathe. Why does Lycra  tighten every hour?  And without getting too graphic, let me just say, that avoiding the restroom was easier than wiggling the Spanx off and on. 3 pm: my Spanx were strangling my flanks. I would've screamed but the cami was a vice on my lungs. I grabbed scissors and headed for the ladies room. I ripped off the Spanx as fast as possible. Then I cut off the cami, from waist to sternum, threw it in the trash can and headed back to my desk to face the rest of the work day with  a little less support, a little more cleavage and a great deal of relief. The Lycra may have won the battle, but I won the war!

Tip: Regardless of the issue, don't suffer to a point where it distracts your day. Be resourceful and correct your aggravation. Oh, yes, and keep a sharp pair of scissors handy!
You say it's been a warm summer? Let me say this about that: I would pay my air conditioning bill before paying for groceries. I mean, when you think of it, who can eat when your "eyeballs are sweating"? (Donovan Cashen) Given these circumstances, it's not totally out of the question for me to go from the pool to the grocery, on occasion. Recently, I had a half day off and ran into Dot, a co-worker, and her five-year-old daughter, at the grocery. She was dressed from work; I was fresh from the a sensible floor length t-shirt dress over my swimsuit.  Sometimes, I'll throw this frock on after a shower and Jeff will ask, "Why do you have THAT on?" (Meaning: it's a dress, are we/you going out somewhere? Also meaning, it's not a rag.) Dot's daughter asked (1)who was I? and (2) how did her mom know me? Dot explained that we worked together. Kaley looked my dress up and down and asked, "Mommy, is she laid off?" Hey, Art Linkletter, are you laughing too?!?
Tip: remember to laugh at yourself and enjoy the lovely, logical minds of children.
Can you say "S-T-U-P-I-D?"

In looking for some stress relief, from the daily grind, don't forget to read your newspapers for unintended humor. This month, our grocery store got held up. Here's the way it unfolded. Apparently, she purchased some small item with her Illinois "Link" card. It's like an ATM card for residents getting assistance for food. Then she decided to rob them, at BB gunpoint. (Okay, so those of us in the dark about guns would come to attention, yes, even for a BB gun. I'll give her that.) The kicker was that she hired a cab to get to the store and to hightail it out of there. A cab! ("Excuse me, can you wait right here, just a moment or two? I just need to run in for a couple of things. I'll be right out. I promise!")
In the very near future, she was arrested. Between the Link card, which identified her and the cabbie, who delivered her to her residence, this was a slam dunk. Don't watch for this episode on NCIS. The only mystery to me is, "What was she thinking?" Oh wait, she didn't. (As reported in the Quincy Herald Whig, August 2010). You can't make this stuff up people. Isn't that great?

Tip: As you read the news - online or on paper - enjoy the absurdities of the human condition. Or as I say, "Play attention!"

Bobbe's Book Bin:

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, by Aimee Bender
This book was recommended my More Magazine and the title intrigued me, so I bought it. It was engaging - but disturbing - to glimpse such dysfunction! Only an author, who had similar  experiences could have written about them. What a glob of humanity we all are! 

Many blessings of normality,

Classic college frat boy t-shirt of the month:

"Joe's Bar:
Time Well Wasted"

(They'll drink to that! Heck, they'll drink to anything!)

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College Move-in Day:

It had to be the fourth floor. And a temperature of 94. Up the stairs, down the stairs. And up and down again and again. After 17 trips, I quit counting. The added punishment was that one must climb half a flight of stairs before you even got to the first floor of apartments! It was exhausting. If I lived in my daughter's apartment for just one month, I could quit the gym. My legs would look like firm toothpicks. Not only that, once in her apartment, Korey's room is on the fifth floor and to get there, you must use a spiral, uncarpeted staircase. I don't even want to think about her coming down one morning, when running late for class. In socks. These girls would be better off with a fireman's pole. Whoever designed these apartments
apparently never lived in one. As for Korey, she was on the ground floor her first year and is now on the 4th floor. With post-grad work in her future  is it too much to hope for an elevator? (pant, pant)

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Bobbe White
Try Laughter! Inc.