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Issue No 17
February 2012

Handling difficult conversations at work 

Greetings!   

 

This month we're pleased to publish our report Handling difficult conversations at work which brings together the results of our 2012 survey of over 100 managers and HR professionals. The report also includes practical guidelines for managers to follow when preparing for difficult conversations and handling difficult reactions, drawing on our own experiences as well as the advice of 13 learning & development professionals who kindly contributed.

 

 You can download the two-page executive summary here (PDF) - if you would like a copy of the full report please email enquiries@lcp.org.uk with 'difficult conversations' in the subject line.

We'd like to sincerely thank everyone who took the time to complete our survey - we have picked three respondents at random who have won a telephone leadership coaching session with our managing partner Claire Walsh.

This month's newsletter suggests five steps to help managers turn difficult conversations at work into positive experiences. 
 

On LCP's blog this month: 

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This Month's Caption Competition
The theme for February's caption competition is "Difficult situations at work".   Click here to take part - best one wins a �5 Amazon voucher.
  

5 tips for turning difficult conversations into positive experiences

Preparing for the conversation

1. Get the facts straight:
Before beginning the conversation, take care to gather all relevant data to ensure the issue can be presented in a clear and neutral manner that doesn't seem personal. This is particularly important for conversations that may have an emotional or defensive response such as behavioural issues or poor performance. In addition, clarify exactly what the message is and what the goals of the conversation are; consider the potential responses and determine exactly how far you are able to compromise.

2. Look to yourself first: How does your body respond to conflict and what are the warning signs? Remember that you may communicate feelings such as impatience or annoyance through non-verbal communication, such as body language and tone of voice. Also consider how you respond to others, for example you may prefer a concise high-level overview and tend to become irritated when a direct report goes into a lot of detail.

Having the conversation

3. Use 'I' rather than 'you': Avoid suggesting criticism or blame and inviting a defensive response by using 'I' e.g. 'I am concerned that these targets are not being met, what do you think can be done?' is more helpful than 'Why is it that you're not meeting targets?'. A clear and productive statement is particularly important when opening the conversation.

4. Validate all sides by using the 'And Stance': Remember that whilst you may appear to agree on the facts, what these actually mean may differ, such as who is at fault, what the intentions were or what the consequences are. Douglas Stone (1999) recommends using 'and' to ensure all perspectives are acknowledged e.g. 'So you think we should change the process and I think we don't need to - let's talk about this'.

5. Actively listen throughout: Difficult conversations will not move forward unless the individual feels their perspective has been not only heard but also understood. Whilst you should look out for the other's emotional response, you should also avoid presuming what their feeling are and ask clarifying questions e.g. 'You don't feel happy about this - why is that?'. Remember that whilst you wish to address the facts of the matter, feelings must be heard and responded to first throughout the conversation. Then you can summarise where similarities lie, in order to encourage collaboration on a solution.


These tips are based on our new report Handling difficult conversations at work - please just email enquiries@lcp.org.uk with the subject line 'difficult conversations' if you would like to receive a free copy of the full survey results and guide for managers, including extensive practical advice. The two-page executive summary is available to download here (PDF)

 

 

 

In This Issue
Caption Competition
5 tips for turning difficult conversations into positive experiences
 
For current or aspiring managers wishing to gain a recognised management and leadership qualification, LCP have partnered with Link Consultancy to offer ILM's NVQ level 5 Award in "Leadership and Management Skills". This is a concise qualification designed to advance the confidence and competence of newly qualified or aspiring managers, by applying learning to workbased situations with the support of experienced tutors.
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LCP is a Sussex-based firm that provides bespoke management training, leadership development, business consultancy and coaching.

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