10 ways to reduce and handle conflict at work

As we have discussed conflict is a normal, and sometimes positive, human experience and cannot be eliminated completely but if you would like to become better at handling it here are our top 10 tips:

1. Set clear expectations of performance including individual and shared objectives and targets; ensure these are defined with clear timeframes and accountability. Clear objectives can help to motivate both individuals and teams as people know what they are expected to do and can see when they've achieved it.  They also help you to pick up on issues early and address them before they become a problem, thereby avoiding potential areas of conflict.

2. Provide ongoing coaching. If you do coaching early enough, then many of the things that could become a problem are sorted and worked through before they ever escalate.  The earlier you can have conversations, the better for the individual as it helps avoid them going through the painful process of not performing as required, and for you, as the manager, because you can avoid the time, effort and emotional energy it takes to deal with difficult situations and poor performance issues.

3. Provide regular developmental feedback to raise your team members' self-awareness in order to modify or reinforce their behaviour.  If you ask someone if they would like some feedback, probably their first assumption is that it will be negative, but good leaders provide positive feedback to reinforce behaviour as well as constructive feedback to change or redirect behaviour.  Feedback is a great tool for being clear about ongoing expectations and should be two-way between you, the leader, and your employees.

4. Empathise. All of us have our own unique 'frame of reference' which influences the way we interact with others and behave in certain situations.  Our frames of reference are developed through our beliefs, experience, values and upbringing so you and one of your team may be looking at the same situation but your interpretation of it will vary according to how you both process it through your own unique frame of reference. By considering the situation from the other person's point of view you can show you are listening and understand their perspective even though you may not agree with it; this in itself is a great diffuser of potential conflict situations.  As Stephen Covey so eloquently put it 'Seek first to understand, then to be understood'.

5. Use alternative approaches to deal effectively with a variety of conflict situations.  Thomas Kilmann argues there are five main conflict handling modes based on the degree of assertiveness and cooperation someone demonstrates.  These are: competing; collaborating; compromising; avoiding and accommodating.  All conflict modes are effective if they are used in the right situation but can be ineffective if used in excess or in inappropriate scenarios.

6. Set out the red rules versus the blue rules.  Red rules are those with no give; they are absolutes with no room for manoeuvre, for example, health and safety regulations and legal compliance.  When communicating red rules it is always a good idea to explain why you are taking such a strong stance such as personal safety or compliance.  Blue rules are areas where there is an element of flexibility and conflict can be avoided or reduced by looking for areas of common ground and resolving it through collaboration or compromise.

7. Choose the words you use carefully.  When we are in a conflict situation we become emotional and it is easy to misinterpret the language we use.  Some words are known as 'trigger' words as they are likely to trigger an emotional response from others; words such as 'can't' 'won't' 'should' 'must' often provoke a negative response from others.  Blaming others also escalates conflict situations quickly.

8. Acknowledge that conflict is a natural part of human interaction and look for the positive aspects.  Sometimes it may seem like a bonus, but you don't want to be surrounded by 'yes people' who are afraid to challenge your ideas and the status quo.  Organisations and leaders who encourage healthy debate within and across teams will be rewarded with greater innovation and diversity of ideas.

9. Avoid becoming 'entrenched' in your position.  Be prepared to change direction if the situation and/or information warrants it.  Sometimes you may take a stance that, following subsequent information, turns out to be incorrect; be willing to admit you were wrong and acknowledge the value others have added by bringing it to your attention.  No-one is perfect and being authentic means owning up when we have made a mistake.  

10. Focus yours and others' attention on what you can influence.  In his book 'The seven habits of highly effective people' Covey talks about the concept of circle of influence and circle of concern. He differentiates between proactive people who focus their efforts on the things they can do something about (circle of influence) as opposed to reactive people who spend their energy blaming and accusing others leading to increased feelings of victimisation (circle of concern).