HOW TO STOP WORRYINGWorry and anxiety are highly related to the experience of emotional and physical pain. I sometimes tell clients, "If you could reduce the worry and stress in your life, I predict that your pain levels would be cut in half." For many of them, this prediction has more than been proven true.
In general, excessive worry can make any illness, disease, or disorder stress-related. One of the most effective steps toward the healing of any health imbalance, including pain, is the reduction of stress and worry.
When does normal worry become a problem? It's important to understand that anxiety is a continuum, with one end being "normal" anxiety and the other being a diagnosable anxiety disorder. Somewhere in the middle is a tipping point, where "normal" anxiety grows to be a problem. This point varies with every person, depending on their resilience, the way they handle stress, and how they control their anxiety.
Some experts have mused that what separates "normal" worry from dysfunctional worry is the level of difficulty a person has in "turning off" or regulating the worry process.
It's also not so much the content of the worry that matters, it's the degree to which the person worries. We all have some tendency to worry a great deal about specific events, but we can usually get "back on track" by putting things into perspective fairly easily.
Worry that is so excessive, distressing, and intrusive that it interferes with normal functioning so that it's difficult or impossible to control the anxiety and focus on something else is the dysfunctional type.
Here are some common worries:
Making a big mistake Parents dying Getting fired My son or daughter marrying a person whom I don't like
Sound familiar? Any of these could keep us up at night. Worry is part of the human condition, encoded in our DNA to help us survive. While there is value to vigilance and to planning, most of us would be happier and healthier if we worried less. Whether you are an extreme, frequent worrier or an average, once-in-a-while worrier -- or you fall somewhere in between -- there are several strategies that can help free you from worry and anxiety. The key is not to control the worrying itself, but your reaction to it, proposes Dr. Jeffrey Rossman, an advisor to Rodale.com.
Instead of "worrying about worry," consider these strategies instead:
#1: Differentiate between constructive concern and unproductive worry. Ask yourself, "Is this worry that can lead me to some constructive action?" If it doesn't lead to some action, set it aside.
#2: Don't suppress your worries. Recognize that a worry is just a thought; it is not a reality. In other words, don't always believe what you think.
#3: Learn mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness techniques can help you pull back to the present moment, rather than obsessing over things that may go wrong in the future. Focus on your breathing and observe your thoughts without becoming entangled in them. This can diminish worry, especially as you become more skilled in mindfulness practices.
#4: Put things in perspective. When worries overwhelm you, ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen? What's the real chance of that happening?" Challenge your fears. "Am I overestimating the risk that this might happen?" Also remind yourself about the transient nature of worries: "Will this matter to me next year -- or even next week?"
#5: Learn to accept some risks and challenges in your quest for certainty and control. Notice the many uncertainties and things you cannot control throughout the day, and practice mindful acceptance of each. Remember, certainty is only a feeling and rarely is a reality. You can't prepare for everything. The bad things that happen to us are rarely anticipated through worry, and rarely allow us any control. A compelling worry is still just a thought that will pass.
#6: Expose yourself to worry. Practice saying or writing whatever you fear most, such as "the plane is going to crash" or "I'm going to lose my job." That may sound like the opposite of what you really want to do, but even the most worried brain can't hold on to the worry forever. Repeat it over and over again slowly, in a lifeless monotone or in a funny voice, and the fear will begin to subside. Eventually, you'll just get bored with it. After all, we know from neuroplasticity that the brain craves novelty!
#7: Give a worried thought your full attention for five minutes, but then do something physical and/or social. Exercise and interpersonal contact on the heels of worrying (not seeking reassurance from someone, just spending time in someone's company) help you feel better, and usually make your worry much less compelling.
#8: Schedule your worry time. Try using scheduled "worry periods." Give your worries your full attention during 15- to 20-minute periods at set times during the day or week. When worries intrude at other times, try to defer them until your next scheduled worry period, perhaps using a written list. If you can postpone worrying, you are exercising control over it, rather than letting it control you. And knowing that you will later be spending time on the problems that worry you makes it easier to put your worries aside until that time.
#9: Let go of your need for reassurance. Frequently seeking reassurance (searching the Internet, checking your body, or repeatedly consulting with a doctor or friend, for instance) often stimulates more worry and doubt. The brief relief provided by reassurance only perpetuates the worry cycle. If you repeatedly seek reassurance from your physician or spouse, encourage him or her to gradually withdraw the reassurance that only perpetuates the problem. Stop "investigating" the issue on the Internet.
#10: Relax your body. When you accept worries as a type of negative thinking, your body will respond accordingly. Likewise, relaxation and diaphragmatic breathing skills can help you release the physical tension that often accompanies worry. Discover what calms you, (massage, yoga, exercise, music, a hot bath, journaling, prayer, nature), and turn to that when worry overwhelms you. When your body relaxes, often your mind will, too.
For more information about putting an end to worry, please join us for the January 26 teleseminar with Dr. Marty Rossman on The Worry Solution.
Remember, your good intentions are not sufficient to sign up. Join us now by making one click of your computer mouse to reach www.maggiephillipsphd.com/courses_teleseminars_mr.html.
Thanks so much for taking time to read this newsletter.
My very best to you,
Maggie