I
don't know about you, but every September as the light becomes more golden and
other changes herald the beginning of autumn, my memories and thoughts turn
toward school. Local schools open their doors, traffic patterns change, leaves
turn and rustle, and I start thinking even further ahead to the holidays.
School is a pivotal part of our pasts and of our present, and is essential to
the growth of our unfolding world intelligence. As some of you know, I will
also be presenting on work with children and the "child within" in Europe next
month so these issues are very much on my mind (see the sidebar for more
details).
This
month I want to highlight some of the adjustments that you, your children, and
school professionals experience and ways to cope with related stresses. I'm
happy to spotlight some of the work of Dr. Pam Kaiser, who has specialized in
the use of hypnosis, HeartMath, and other mind body approaches with children. I
hope you will benefit from her clinical examples along with other tips provided
below.
Easing
the Transition Back to School
All
of us have difficulty with transition. Children of any age, even when they are
excited about seeing their friends again, meeting new teachers, and even
mastering learning challenges, may have a hard time accepting that the relative
freedom of summer is coming to an end.
One
strategy to help kids "over the hump" of this change is to discuss with them
what they believe they missed out on -- that is, to make a list of all the
activities they had looked forward to completing during the summer but were
unable to experience before school started. Then brainstorm possible ways of
initiating at least some of these even though school is in session. This will
only work if you encourage unbridled, creative ideas, no matter how outlandish.
Choose one or more activities that can be accomplished (perhaps with
modification) in the near future and schedule this event on the calendar.
If
a child demonstrates stress reactions related to school, be prepared to give
extra, quality attention for a week or two. Some signs of stress include:
- Acting younger than their current age
- Being quiet and withdrawn or more distressed, angry, and irritable than usual
- Symptoms of illness
- Resisting going to school
- Having trouble sleeping or going to bed
- Fixation on another issue unrelated to school
Try
to help children talk about their feelings. It's often helpful to share some of
your own difficulties with transitions and how you resolved them even though it
was a struggle. Plan a practical way of easing the transition, such as going
out for a treat after school, packing favorite food for lunch, or an activity
from the "summer wish" list. Remind yourself and your child that this is a
process and will take time to work through. If these approaches are not
sufficient, seek professional help. For more on these and other tips, visit
imageryforkids.com.
Help
for More Complex, Longer Term School Issues
School
issues for some children may be more complex and take longer amounts of time
and additional assistance to resolve. It is usually important to work with a
multi-modal approach or to seek professionals who do so. With young children,
methods that harness the child's natural creativity or imagination work best.
These two examples from Dr. Pam Kaiser's case files provide excellent examples.
Ellen
was referred to Dr. Kaiser in the summer prior to entering second grade with
dramatic over-reactivity and poor self-regulation to the mildest of normal
stressors. Parents were bombarded by her desperate demands for reassurance
about catastrophic worries ("What if...?"), accompanied by almost daily
complaints of stomach-aches, agitated clinging, and extended inconsolable
crying bouts delivered in a whiny, high pitched voice.
The
maladaptive child-parent pattern of overprotection and dependence on external
reassurance strengthened her control over family dynamics and activities. Both
parents' childhoods contributed to their strong "need to protect her",
resulting in Ellen's limited opportunity to learn self-soothing and decision
making skills, resulting in marked immaturity.
At
first meeting, Ellen looked like a frail four year old of short stature with
wispy hair, clinging to father, and exhibiting distressed posture and facial
expressions, and a squeaky-high breathy voice. Her self-described symptoms
included increased heart and respiration rates, tight throat, and dizziness.
Personal
strengths included compassion, passion for learning, athleticism, and
creativity, which suggested a capacity for persistence, a well-developed sense
of emotional awareness, and a desire to be goal-oriented.
Ellen
set four goals related to the concept of becoming a self-defined, capable "big
girl:
- Voice modulation appropriate to a 7 year old
- A focus on being a second grader, starting the day after first grade ended
- Rehearsing behavior acceptable to self, peers, and adults
-
Improving self-regulation of emotional and sensory feelings
Ellen responded well to metaphors, role-plays, and
fantasy offered with a quality of silliness and play. To work on voice
modulation, strategies included use of an imaginary dimmer switch to lower her
voice pitch and recordings of exaggerated high and low voice quality.
One age-appropriate behavioral objective was to be
able to speak up with more confidence so that she could order her own food at a
restaurant. This was accomplished through a series of pretend games with the
therapist enacting pre-selected server roles, including waiters with abrupt,
dismissive, intrusive, and irritable attitudes, and by working through a
planned hierarchy of situations, starting with giving pretend orders at home at
mealtimes to actual orders at a favorite ice cream store, and ultimately a real
family restaurant.
To
enhance her emotional self-regulation, Ellen learned to be the "boss" of her
own feelings. Tears became a faucet she could open or close in varying degrees;
imaginary "feeling balloons" helped her contain negative feelings that she could allow
to float safely away; and relaxed breathing with the image of a favorite
stuffed animal atop her tummy was a "secret trick" that she could use when
upset.
These
and other goals were accomplished in seven sessions. Parents were coached to
discontinue their attempts at reassurance ("Ellie knows what to do") and to
reward new-found assertiveness. Specific gains included confident visits to her
doctor and dentist without distress, a significant decrease in needy, whiny,
immature behavior, and increases in maturity, cooperation, and active
participation with peers.
Work with
Kip, a 16 year old high school junior who reported
recurrent transient illnesses, varying physical symptoms, and excessive school
absence required slightly different strategies more appropriate for
adolescents.
Kip
readily acknowledged an intense fear of most social situations. His strengths
included persistence, strong family ties, and an ability to work hard to achieve
goals. Behavioral hierarchies were built for specific situations such as
attending parties. Coaching and rehearsal were targeted first for less fearful
activities such as joining a conversation with pees at school and working up to
more challenging events such as attending a school dance.
Dr.
Kaiser also used a HeartMath™ approach which taught Kip to create a higher
coherence of "in the zone" heart rate variability using computer games. Kip was
able to achieve a 92% high coherence rating indicating positive balance between
sympathetic and parasympathetic responses with significant drops in anxiety. He
also learned to use HeartMath™ techniques such as the "freeze-frame" to maintain
these gains on his own (for information on HeartMath™, feel free to visit
www.HeartMath.com).
Kip
has made significant reduction in his stress responses and is now continuing
with Dr. Kaiser to focus on cognitive issues, including negative self-talk and
fearful distortions of social performance. Using a social learning model with
built-in rewards and intriguing challenges has been an important ingredient in
Kip's achievements.
To
contact Dr. Kaiser, a full-time psychologist in Menlo Park, California, please
email her at
drpkaiser@earthlink.net.
If any of you would like to propose a topic or share successes in any area of
mind body health, I welcome your contributions at
mphillips@lmi.net.
I learned something
important in setting up the "Ask the Experts" schedule of upcoming teleseminars.
I felt so excited about the quality of all the events we're hosting in the next
few months that I "jumped the gun" by announcing dates in the August newsletter
before all the scheduling issues had been worked out completely. I apologize
for that error, but not for my enthusiasm!