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Conversations about sexuality can yield many
benefits when you talk with your
developmentally disabled child. The positive
effects for your child include not only an
understanding of sexuality, but also
opportunities to learn, grow, and build
skills for life. These talks enable young
people to understand behaviors that are
inappropriate in public or that are
destructive to relationships, trust, and
self-esteem. They also allow young people to
recognize and prevent abuse and exploitation.
Remember to include the 4 Themes of Let’s Be
Honest! in your ongoing conversations:
Rights & Responsibilities; Values; Feelings &
Self-Esteem; and Facts & Knowledge.
Young people who have developmental
disabilities deserve accurate, age and
developmentally appropriate sexual health
information. This can sometimes be
challenging for parents and young people if
some learning channels are blocked or if
commonly used teaching tools (such as
diagrams and charts) are less than useful for
children who learn in non-traditional ways.
Nevertheless, the numerous benefits are worth
the effort. Here are some tips and ideas for
beginning your conversation:
- Use pictures as often as you can.
Photos
of family or friends can be a springboard for
talking about relationships and social
interactions. These give important and
immediate context to your discussions, which
is key for these children who have success
with concrete ideas.
- Use repetition in providing small amounts
of information over time. Check that your
child understands by asking questions that
put the information in a practical context.
Use opportunities to repeat key ideas in
other settings—for instance, while watching
television programs that deal with
relationships or sexuality issues.
- Draw, copy, or buy a full body drawing or
chart. This is a concrete way to show where
body parts are and what they do.
- For more involved tasks (such as personal
hygiene related to menstruation), try to
break down the activity into several steps.
Frequently review the steps with your child
and always provide feedback and praise. If
you are unsure whether your steps are
concrete and
understandable, write them down and try
following them yourself. Did you leave
anything out? Using a pad or tampon during
menstruation or cleaning beneath the foreskin
of the penis may seem straightforward, but
these activities require several separate
steps in a particular order.
- Repeat information often, and offer
feedback and praise. Reinforce important
concepts frequently.
- Practice! Make sure your child has
plenty
of opportunities to try out his/her skills.
- Use existing resources. Visit the
library
and check out books, videos and websites
about talking with your kids about sexuality.
- Network with other parents. Share your
insights and listen to theirs. Involve others
by communicating with teachers, coaches, and
caseworkers about the topics you are
discussing. Share ways they can reinforce
these lessons at school, work, or on the
playing field.
- Recognize and validate your child's
feelings. This is a unique opportunity to get
to know your child better.
- Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know the
answer to that question." But, be sure to
follow up with, "Let's find out together!"
Then do so.
There is no single approach that is always
best. As a parent, you have the opportunity
to investigate and experiment, to be creative,
and to learn from your successes as well as
your missteps!
By Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Consultant
and Trainer: Reprinted with permission from
Advocates for Youth
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