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As parents, it's important to help our kids
figure out that most of these images are not
true portrayals of normal, healthy bodies or
sexual behaviors and relationships. So, how
can we as parents handle our child's normal
and age-appropriate curiosity in a safe way
while sharing facts and our values around
this topic?
For many preadolescent boys and girls, an
interest in sexually explicit magazines and
websites reflects both their curiosity and a
desire to do something "grown up." If faced
with finding your adolescent's magazine under
the bed or finding them hunched over the
computer screen in the dark, take a deep
breath! Try not to make your child feel
guilty or ashamed of their curiosity. This
is a great opportunity to review your own as
well as your co-parent's values about
sexually explicit material.
You and your co-parent can take the time to
ask yourselves such questions as:
Do the pictures reflect the values you want
to pass on to your child about intimate
relationships? Communicate these values to
your child. You can share your attitudes,
feelings and beliefs about these materials by
saying something like, "I understand that you
are curious about sex, bodies, love and
relationships. That's normal at your age.
However, I find that these magazines and
websites show unrealistic sex and
relationships. I feel that sex is an
important part of a mature, intimate
relationship. It is precious and should be
valued, cared for and acted on in a way that
is respectful to your self and the one you
love. I think these images are often sexist
and degrading to women as well as men. In
real life, women and men do not have these
types of perfect bodies. Not every person
participates in these particular sexual acts,
and I believe that safer sex, which is not
usually present in these images, is a
necessity. I'd be happy to share with you
some books and information that I think will
answer your questions."
If we aren't comfortable with our child's
first views of adult nude bodies being of
air-brushed, perfect bodies of models, we can
encourage them to explore real portrayals of
different shapes and sizes of male and female
bodies through such books as The Joy of Sex,
Our Bodies Ourselves, It's Perfectly Normal,
or a human sexuality textbook, as well as
photography or art works of natural, nude
bodies.
As adults, we may have our own uncomfortable
feelings about pornography. However,
forbidding these materials doesn't mean your
child won't see them. They may turn to
friends, an older friend, or the Internet to
get the information they are curious about.
The important thing is to keep the
communication lines open and to use this
opportunity to share facts as well as express
your values about sex and sexuality. Keep in
mind that you are talking to your children
because you care about their happiness and
well-being!
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For more information on how to talk with
your child about this topic, visit these
websites:
References:
From Diapers to Dating, Debra Haffner Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be, Logan Lekoff |
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Don't forget to visit our website for helpful
tips,
information about workshops, and much more.
Don't
miss an opportunity to
be the
primary sexuality educator for your children.
Need
help? Call our Parent Education Team at
(617) 616-1658.
Sincerely,
Parent Education
Planned Parenthood League of MA
email:
[email protected]
phone:
(617) 616-1658
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