In recent parent workshops, we've been
getting a lot of questions from parents
regarding how they can explain to their youth
the different ways that people can have
children, other than sexual intercourse (i.e.
artificial insemination, in vitro
fertilization, adoption.) Perhaps children
have heard these terms, or want to know more
about how a friend was born or how they
themselves were born!
One of the books we use in our Let's Be Honest
program is It's Perfectly Normal by Robie
Harris. It
offers young people the real information they
need to
make responsible decisions that can help them
stay
healthy as they approach and experience
puberty and
adolescence. The following is a useful
excerpt that
offers specific language that parents can use
when
faced with the questions about this topic.
Remember,
it is never too late to have ongoing
conversations with
your child about sex and sexuality topics!
(This
discussion could take place after a young
person has
learned more from their parent about the
facts of
reproduction and the development of a
pregnancy. By
the age of 7 or 8, most children are capable of
understanding the mechanics and are
developmentally prepared to handle the
information.
By the age of 9 or 10, most children are
capable of
understanding the alternate methods.)
"Sometimes people want to have a baby but cannot
have one because their egg and sperm are not
able to
unite. Fortunately, there are ways other
than sexual
intercourse to have a baby. There can be many
different reasons why an egg cell and a sperm
cell are
not able to unite, such as a female's ovaries
not
releasing an egg each month, an egg being
unable to
travel through the Fallopian tubes, too few
sperm
traveling to the egg, or the sperm being too
weak to
travel to the egg. However, with the help of
a doctor, a
female's egg can be fertilized by a male's
sperm and
a pregnancy can begin.
An egg can be taken out of one of the ovaries
by a
doctor and put into a small glass dish filled
with fluid
along with sperm that have been ejaculated.
After the
egg has been fertilized by one of the sperm
in the
dish, the egg is returned to the uterus, and a
pregnancy can begin. This method of starting a
pregnancy is called in vitro fertilization.
In vitro are the
Latin words for in a glass.
When there are not enough sperm, or not enough
sperm strong enough to swim to the egg, a
doctor can
place the male's ejaculated sperm in the
female's
vagina or uterus with a syringe. In the
uterus, the
sperm have a shorter distance to swim and a
better
chance of uniting with an egg in one of the
Fallopian
tubes. Starting a pregnancy in this way is
called
artificial insemination - even though there
is nothing
artificial or fake about the egg and sperm or
the
uniting of the egg and sperm. Inseminate
means to
put a seed in, in other words, to make pregnant.
Sometimes, if a male becomes very sick, the
medication he needs to become well may lessen
the
number of sperm that he is able to make.
Before the
male takes the medication, his ejaculated
sperm can
be placed in a sperm bank - a medical
laboratory - to
be frozen and stored for up to ten or fifteen
years. It
can be used later to conceive a baby by
artificial
insemination.
There are people who are not able to conceive
a baby
at all - by sexual intercourse, by in vitro
fertilization, by
artificial insemination or by freezing sperm.
However,
they can start a family by adopting a baby or
child.
Some people who can conceive a baby also choose
to adopt children. Adoption means that a
family will
bring another family's baby or child into
their family
and raise that child as their very own. An
adopted
child becomes a member of his or her new
family.
Adoption usually occurs when a parent or
parents who
are unable to take care of their newborn baby
or child
decide to have someone else care for, bring
up, and
love their baby or child. It is a legal act.
This means
that the child's birth parent or parents sign
a paper in
front of a lawyer or judge that says that
they are giving
the child to a parent or parents who want to
and are
able to take care of the child.
There are many ways to have a baby and create a
family. But no matter how people have a
child, caring
for and loving one can be a wonderful and
amazing
experience!"
Excerpt from It's Perfectly Normal, Robie
Harris, 2004.
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