EASING THE
TOUGH CONVERSATIONS
NOVEMBER, 2011
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Hi!
Thank you for taking a look at our newsletter. We are excited to offer two new training programs in February 2012 - Elder Essentials and a three day Elder Mediation Training. You can read about them in this issue.
As we enter into this upcoming holiday season, a time for connecting with family and friends, we wish you all the best.
Happy Holidays!
Debbie Reinberg and John Rymers
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Aging in Place:
A Place for Mediation
"Aging in place" means growing older without having to move. According to the Journal of Housing for the Elderly, aging in place is NOT having to move from one's present residence just to secure necessary support services in response to changing needs. Obvious advantages to aging in place include staying in a familiar environment, maintaining independence, preserving family relationships and staying close to needed services.
Aging in place is not without its challenges. Natural changes due to normal aging such as reduced vision, lack of mobility and balance issues can threaten elders' independence. And, illnesses such as dementia, strokes and heart problems make it more and more difficult to live independently at home, without assistance. Our ability to maintain as much quality of life as possible as we age can pose many hurdles. To be able to remain where we are amid these challenges requires working together as a family or as a neighborhood toward a common goal.
Read more
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 Disputes Involving Persons with Diminished Capacity: The Mediator's Role
We presented as part of a group at the 2011 Colorado Statewide ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution) Conference on November 4th.
We provided an overview of Alzheimer's and other dementias. We explained that each person is an individual, on their own dementia continuum. Therefore, each person should be evaluated as to their appropriateness at a mediation - they may be able to be present for an initial session, or perhaps participate with an advocate. We reminded the audience that it is not just older adults who may have diminished capacity. Other family members with substance abuse or mental health issues may also be inappropriate to advocate for their own needs in a mediation setting.
Red flags to be on the lookout for include:
- parties that cannot clearly and effectively communicate with others
- passive individuals, who don't seem to be tracking
- people who cannot describe their own goals or whose goals seem inappropriate
It is important for mediators to make accommodations for parties:- Discuss one issue at a time
- Allow time for gradual decision-making
- Repeat, paraphrase, summarize, clarify and check in regularly
- Hold shorter sessions
- Schedule meetings at optimal times of the day
- Provide information and written notes
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Little Things Can Cause Big Fights
When A Relative Dies
Deborah L. Jacobs, Forbes Staff Recently a woman who attended an author's talk that I gave at the Westport, Conn. Public Library, told me about the item that had been a lightning rod for conflict when her mother died. It wasn't the fine china, sterling silver flatware and crystal goblets that her own three children bickered about. 
Rather, the source of the ruckus was a little blue bowl that Grandma routinely used to serve them breakfast cereal when they slept over at her house as young children. The ceramic piece, circa 1950, had been a freebie - packaged with a store-bought Christmas pudding.
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Mediators Help Families Settle Care Disputes
An elder mediator can help squabbling siblings and elderly parents find resolution before conflict tears a family apart.
By Erin Peterson, Contributing Writer,
Kiplinger's Retirement Report
March 22, 2011
In 2007, John and Ginger Price knew that it was time to move John's mother, Mayna, from an assisted-living facility in South Carolina to a nursing home near their home in Seven Hills, Ohio. John's sister, who lived in South Carolina, could no longer shoulder the increasing caregiving responsibilities. But Mayna was having none of it. "She didn't want to move," says Ginger, 65. "If anything, she wanted us to move down to South Carolina." ...Elder mediators can help family members hammer out a process for solving problems, says Debbie Reinberg, a partner at ELDEResolutions, in Denver. For example, once the family decides Mom will move, she says, "an elder mediator will help the family determine what kind of place she needs to move to, who's going to do the research on those places and how that information will be communicated so that decisions can be made."
EDITOR'S NOTE: This article was originally published in the January 2011 issue of Kiplinger's Retirement Report. To subscribe, click here.
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Good Read 
A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents--and Ourselves
by Jane Gross by Knopf
List Price: $26.95
Our Price: $15.32
Buy Now
A memoir about the journey of an adult child, written by Jane Gross, who launched a blog for the New York Times called The New Old Age, to which she still contributes.
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