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Intergenerational Mediation, Facilitation
and Care Management Services
IN THIS ISSUE
What do you think...
Family Tensions
Conflict Resolution Month
Good Read
Workshop - Conflict Management Skills
Open House
Our Presentations
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Easing the
Tough Conversations
July, 2009 
Greetings!
What do you think will happen if you don't do anything? 
by John Rymers
 
Sometimes I feel that if I just put something off, I won't have to deal with it. I can fool myself into believing that if my car engine has a knock in it, maybe it will fix itself. If I put it off, maybe it will go away. Of course, what happens most of the time is that my car won't fix itself. As a matter of fact, the opposite often is true. By putting things off, they tend to get worse and when things get worse, they are often more difficult and expensive to fix.
 
The same dynamic happens around elder care issues. Thinking about our parents getting sick or dying and having to make critical decisions can be very stressful. Perhaps the stress also involves the need to have a conversation with a sibling or two you are not close to or whom you have been in conflict with. It is understandable why you might not want to think about these issues. Not only is it painful, it is difficult to know how to even begin to address these issues. It may seem easier to just ignore the issues.
 
The stress of these issues can be paralyzing to a family.
 
When we encounter this dynamic in a family, we often ask, "What do you think will happen if you don't do anything?" Unfortunately, the answer is often that things will get worse and may be more difficult and costly to address later. This is where mediation and facilitation can be very useful. As mediators, we can help you discuss these issues in a safe environment where everyone is heard.
 
We have found that by addressing eldercare conflicts early, we can better help families reach resolution around conflict and develop a plan for moving forward. Involving a mediation team can help you to be more proactive in addressing these difficult issues. If you don't know what to do, we can help you decide what is best for your family.   

It is easy to procrastinate around issues that make us uncomfortable.

Common causes of family tensions and disagreements                                                                                    (posted on www.caring.com)

It shouldn't surprise anyone that sensitive family dynamics can be one of the most challenging aspects of caregiving for an elder, given the tremendous financial, physical, and emotional demands involved. This doesn't mean that family squabbles are inevitable. In fact, if managed well, the experience of caring for an older family member has the potential to bring relatives closer as you help this person through this final stage of life. Here's how to avoid conflicts with family members and work through them when they occur.

Typically, disagreements arise because of:
  • Disagreements over an elder's condition and capabilities.
  • Disagreements over financial matters and other practical issues.
  • Burden of care

    Read the Whole Story  
Planning for Conflict Resolution Month
 
Conflict Resolution Day has become Conflict Resolution Month!
 
October will be Conflict Resolution Month.  This "extended" proclamation by Governor Ritter gives professionals who provide alternative dispute resolution services the opportunity of a whole month to spread the word about solving problems effectively.  
 
We are members of the committee that is planning events. We are seeking elder care organizations who would like to participate in Conflict Resolution Month by hosting an activity or event, such as a class, a workshop or a demonstration. We are available, along with our colleagues, to provide presentations on effective conflict management of elder disputes.  The inclusion of elder mediation is new to this year's events and we are excited to take part this year.
 
Please let us know if you are interested in participating this year!
 
Good Read
 
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
by Kerry Patterson by McGraw-Hill
Paperback
List Price: $16.95
Our Price: $8.65
Buy Now
 
This book illustrates how to approach necessary conversations in a way that not only averts disaster, but also explains how to handle them well!  Learn how to prepare YOURSELF to talk, listen, act and to create a safe environment for all.

Save the Date!

Conflict Management Skills Training
for Eldercare Professionals
September 30, 2009
  
We are offering a training specifically for eldercare professionals --  geared to people working in marketing/admissions, clinical/direct service, management roles or anyone with face-to-face interaction with older adults and/or their families.  This training would be appropriate for anyone who might witness or be in the middle of intergenerational squabbles.
 
Barb Hahn, elder law attorney/mediator is joining John Rymers,  mediator with 25 years experience and Debbie Reinberg, geriatric specialist/care manager to provide a rewarding and practical experience.
 classroom
Learn about:
* Conflict Management Styles
*  The Anatomy of Conflict
*  The Impact of Aging on 
    Conflict Resolution
*   Tips and Tricks for Managing 
    Conflict 
 
Role plays, demonstrations and exercises - very interactive!
 
Participants will have the opportunity to discuss difficult cases and receive case consultation from the trainers.
 
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 
8:30 am - 4:30 pm
Classic Residency by Hyatt
2850 Classic Drive
Highlands Ranch, CO 80126 
Open House at Capabilities
August 10, 2009 4pm - 6pm
 6805 W. 88th Avenue
Westminster, CO 80021
(720) 214-0339

Got squabbles?
Tips for Families to Ease Conversations about Elder Issues
 
Open House and Presentation for families struggling with eldercare conflicts and the professionals who work with them. 
 
You may have things you would like to say to family members, but you may be worried about how the others might respond. Or you may be concerned that talking wouldn't make a difference anyway.  Important conversations may never be initiated or if they are - emotions may get in the way of effective communication. 
  
Learn tips to approach family members and family meetings in a productive manner.  And, discover when professional facilitators may be helpful.
Our Presentations
 
UPCOMING 
 
August 10, 2009 Presentation and Open House at Capabilities. 4 pm - 6 pm Capabilities
 
September 13, 2009  Senior Sundays Presentation at Tattered Cover - Highlands Ranch -  hosted by Clare Bridge Highlands Ranch
 
October 30, 2009  State ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution) Conference  BUILDING A BRIDGE TO ELDER MEDIATION (How to Shift from Family Mediation to Elder Mediation) with Martha Ridgway, Esq.

 
 
SELECT PREVIOUS PRESENTATIONS
 
March 26, 2009, KGNU Radio show - Elder and Intergenerational Conflicts featuring Debbie Reinberg (ELDEResolutions), Martha Ridgway (Martha Ridgway Law) and Louise Phipps Senft (Baltimore Mediation)  
 
May 8, 2009
  Alzheimer's Association 20th Annual Education Symposium   
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door, that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
 
-- Helen Keller 

 
Please feel to contact us if you believe we may be of service to facilitate any elder-related conflict you are aware of.  And, remember that it is always better to work towards resolve early in the process.  Thank you!

Very truly,
Debbie and John
                                       Send to a Colleague
 

Looking for A Speaker? 

We are available to provide presentations and/or trainings for families and for eldercare staff.   Free presentations are typically up to 1 hour and are more generic in nature.  Trainings can be anywhere from 2 hours - 2 days!  Our range of topics includes a) How to work with families
in conflict, b) Building conflict management skills (for professionals), c) Tips for families to ease conversations about elder issues or d) Conflict and Dementia. 

Please contact us at (303) 268-2280 or at [email protected] to discuss your speaking needs.