 Searching for our Tribe
We recently brought two new lambs to the farm. Because they arrived before the fencing was completed, they roamed freely in the pasture and woods that surround the cabin for the first few weeks. They scampered and played and everywhere that one lamb went, the other was sure to go. That's just how sheep are. If they get too far apart from each other, they bleat and baaa desperately, thrashing around in a panic until they find one another again. A sheep isn't complete unless there is another sheep in sight.
I can relate. In the past, the pain of separation or loneliness caused me to throw a sheep-like fit once in a while. And I know I'm not alone. We humans also like to be with our flock, our tribe, our herd. Too many people ache with a longing for connection, baaing and bleating in their hearts, perhaps even numbing the pain in unhealthy ways as I used to. However, unlike my sheep who need to be close to anything with fleece and sideways ears, the quality of our human connections should matter to us.
It takes maturity to understand this lesson as well as courage and discernment to implement it. Walk into any middle school and you'll see that most of the children want to fit in with the main flock at any cost, and the costs are very high. For years afterward, many crave quantity over quality and allow any acquaintance to enter the circle that should be reserved for carefully selected friends. We mistake negative gossip for nourishing conversation; confuse close physical proximity with companionship; and accept intensity as a substitute for true intimacy. Ironically, it is sometimes those with the liveliest social calendar who are the loneliest. They surround themselves with busy-ness and chatter, but lack the authentic connections necessary to thrive.
Once I learned to be comfortable with me, I found I could be silent and alone without feeling lonely. The peace and joy I had been looking for was inside me the whole time, just waiting to be discovered. When I stopped searching for my happiness in others, all of my most important relationships improved dramatically, and the relationships that weren't important to the highest good drifted away on wings of forgiveness. I only wish I had learned all this in middle school.
Do your relationships nourish you? How do you know?
How comfortable are you with you?
Are there any people in your life that drain you? What gentle steps could you take to minimize their negative influence?
I send this prayer into the air:
May all that is real become known.
May illusion slip away like water.
May all of us steadily become the love we seek.
Sharon
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