Free the Butterfly
If you've lived with an addict for any length of time, you
have probably stopped living for yourself. And that is completely understandable. It can feel like we are fighting for
our lives as we try to fix things, keep the peace, hide our shame, and just
breathe in and out. This chronic struggle is exhausting and drains energy away
from other functions such as healing, finding our purpose, and creative outlets
that are vital to our own growth and well-being. Refocusing on yourself for
even just a few minutes a day can provide a much needed rest.
What keeps you from focusing on yourself? For many, the answer
to this question is fear. There is a deep sense of dread that if we stop all of
our efforts on behalf of our addict, life will spin into chaos. I remember the
feeling well, but t+he truth is that the chaos of addiction reared its ugly head anyway,
in spite of my best efforts.
I also noticed that as I loosened my grip on addiction and started
to focus on my own wellness, my addicted loved one started having to figure
things out for himself. Sometimes he was successful, sometimes he wasn't, but I
could clearly see that he was walking his own path, instead of me trying to
drag him along mine.
Even though it feels uncomfortable at first, letting someone find their own way in life is an amazing
gift to that person and to ourselves. When we try to control the outcome of another,
we rob them of the lessons they might have learned along the way and we are
diverted from our own purpose and joy. When a child finally stops worrying over it and lets the beloved butterfly go, both are freed.
Start small. You don't need to do this all at once. What is one thing you can do for yourself today? Rest for a moment. Open your hands. Lift your eyes. Trust that whatever happens during those moments when you are living just for you is for the highest good of all concerned.
Gathering the Honeyis a resource offered by Raising Grace Coaching to help People Who Love an Addict learn valuable spiritual lessons from the adversity of addiction.
