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Gathering the Honey
Inspiration and Healing for People Who Love an Addict
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Let's Make Some Lemonade
They say that in every adversity lies an equal or greater
benefit. After my own dances with addiction I can tell you that it's true. The
surreal chaos, the nightmare moments, the chronic dread forced me to practice
new ways of being. Life, it seemed, was giving me lemons, so I could either pucker up and die or make lemonade. My enormous discomfort motivated me to make lasting changes that brought benefits on every level - peace, wellness, creativity, joy, purpose, energy, love,
spiritual connection, you name it.
Like many of you, I had become traumatized by the behaviors
of my addicted one. I felt betrayed every time he left me for his
"mistress in a bottle" or for the stash of pills he'd hidden in a toilet
paper tube. I tipped wildly between feeling such a deep connected love for his
beautiful soul ... to making myself sick with obsessive thoughts about what he
might be doing ... to engaging in CIA-level tactics of my own as I sought to
discover and prevent the next episode. After a lifetime of walking tall, I
began to slouch under the heavy weight of my life. Even the good times weren't
good anymore; they were just moments of anxious quiet as I waited helplessly for
the next storm. Does any of this sound familiar?
It was a simple question that helped me shift from being a
victim in a bad situation to being a powerful creator of my own life. I'll ask
you that question now:
What do you want?
When I ask clients, there is often a long silence and I can
easily remember the blank I felt at first. After so much time focusing on our
addict and living in emotional survival mode, we have forgotten how to want
anything for ourselves. The best you might be able to come up with at first may
be: "I want him/her to stop drinking." I challenge you to go deeper
and ask, "Okay, if that happened, what would I want then?" Keep asking until you get to
the core of what you really want. A clue that you've found it will be that it
will be something you can get all on your own - it won't depend upon anyone
else's actions (or sobriety) - and no one will be able to take it away once you
have it. It is impossible to turn lemonade back into a lemon.
For me, the answer was JOY. I finally was able to say,
"I want more joy in my life." And before long, I got it in miraculous
ways. What's your answer? Try journaling about it or sending me an email or
telling the dog. Write it. Speak it. Pray about it. Bring it into the light. Turn this seed of
intention around in your mind and give it permission to grow when it is ready.
Don't underestimate the power of this seemingly small
step. Start paying attention to the many ways what you want shows up in your
life. Be grateful and expect even more.
You are loved,
Sharon
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