When Melissa and I founded this family ministry, we struggled with what to name it. Many of the cool biblical phrases were already taken. A colleague suggested a variation on a wedding vow: "til death do us Partington". That didn't fly. Around that same time I discovered the concept of "shalom bayit". Shalom bayit means "peace in the home" in Hebrew. It's the overarching model for the family grounded in Genesis, reflected throughout both testaments by its Jewish authors, and embellished in later Rabbinic writings. So, "peace in the home" became the name of our ministry. It has a hopeful ring, doesn't it? Today I just want to focus on the last word, "home". While our culture tends to minimize it, what happens at home is hugely significant. Many believe that a marriage, healthy or unhealthy, affects three or more generations. It's not just about two warm bodies. In Hebrew thought, the home is a mini-sanctuary. It's where a husband and wife worship God by how they live and relate. It's the center of the universe for children's, youth and family ministry. It's the foremost school in the land. It's where the rubber meets the road. "Whatever else may be said about the home, it is the bottom line of life. The anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. The single most influential force in our earthly existence. It is at home, among family members, that we come to terms with circumstances. It is here that life makes up its mind." ~ Chuck Swindoll Since the home is so important, how we build it is also important. How many times have you seen couples split up during construction, renovation, or after completion of their "dream" home? As the house expands, the home collapses. It happens far too often. Melissa and I began building a house in North Carolina two months after we married. We weren't consciously trying to cut short our relationship! We just couldn't find the right house, so we decided to build one. After the land was cleared, a flatbed pulled up with all of the materials -- bricks for the foundation, lumber for the frame, windows and doors, shingles for the roof. As the walls rose, so did our excitement ... until we noticed something. Instead of covering the framing with plywood or OSB, our builder used a thin, foil covered material. Essentially, it was made out of paper. As construction progressed, it was punctured by ladders and forklifts. A few holes were patched, but most were just covered up by the siding crew. While nothing could dampen our excitement about moving into our first home together, we were a little disappointed that our builder compromised on the materials. Of course, shoddy building materials can't weaken relationships anymore than granite countertops can strengthen them. "By wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." This beautiful passage from Proverbs 24 names three house-building materials: wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Many writers and preachers rightly deal with each individually. Since this is Hebrew poetry, there's another approach we can take, without compromising the text. Both, I believe, end up at the same destination. In Hebrew poetry, the primary device isn't rhyme or metre, but parallelism. When an author repeats the same idea in two or more ways, he is emphasizing the importance of one idea. The message for us in this passage may not be in the uniqueness of each building material, but in the one big thing being emphasized. But, what is that thing -- the one thing upon which the success of our homes pivots? I believe it's "wisdom", the first component named. There seem to be a lot of confusing messages out there for couples who are just starting out, or searching for answers. Everywhere we turn, someone is offering worldly-wisdom on how to "do" relationships. Is every piece of home-building advice wisdom? In "A Pilgrim's Progress", Christian followed the advice of Mr. Worldly Wisdom. Believing his slick pitch, Christian took a detour that would have destroyed him. Fortunately, he was intercepted by his wise friend, who encouraged him back onto the right path. I have a friend who married the first time when he was a week short of his 21st birthday. He wanted to get a head start on building his dream home! His parents and (a few others) had the wisdom to try and influence him to change his mind, or at least wait. Unlike Christian, he lacked the wisdom to listen. He lacked the understanding of what it took to have a good marriage. He lacked the knowledge of what a healthy relationship even looked like. Five years later his house was in shambles. "By wisdom a house is built." God, through Solomon, says it takes wisdom to build a dream home. So, where do we find this precious building material? Not the worldly variety, but the real thing -- the one that enables us to navigate the tough times, and build our dream house. I haven't been able to find it at my local building supplies retailer. From our sidebar article, you'll note that it's totally out-of-stock at Home Depot! You can't get a degree in it from Harvard or McGill or Cambridge. The entire 28th chapter of Job is devoted to this question. One of the many signposts is found earlier in Proverbs ... "For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." ~ Proverbs 2:6 Wisdom is found in God's word! He is the source. His revelation to us (and the wisdom it holds) is the essential building block for our homes. So, what's our responsibility as home builders? - Find out what God's Word says about marriage and relationships. His blueprint is highly counter-cultural, but it's also available and understandable.
- Execute on the home-building wisdom which the master architect has given us in his word. Sometimes that just means thinking and acting differently. Other times, it might mean inviting a trusted someone to come alongside of your marriage for a time.
No one articulates these two points better than Messiah ... "Everyone who hears these words of mine, and does them, will be like a wise man who built his house on a rock." ~ Matthew 7:24 Some men and women reading this are just starting their lives out together. Others of us are a little further down the path. All of us want our homes to succeed. Our children need our homes to succeed. Their children need our homes to succeed. Few of us would try to build a house without a plan -- without consulting an architect. Yet many of us go it alone, building marriages and families without consulting the designer of the family. Your home is a sanctuary. Your marriage is a way to worship and obey God. Pray for his wisdom, seek it in His word, strive to follow his radical teachings, and ask Him how He might like to use your marriage to show the world what He is like. Blessings on your home, robert
Peace in the Home, Inc. is a family organization whose mission is to strengthen marriages and equip parents. In addition to writing articles on marriage and parenting, Peace in the Home conducts seminars, workshops and retreats for engaged couples, married couples, and married and single parents. | 
