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For Richer or Poorer


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Peace in the Home, Inc. is an organization devoted to healthy family relationships.  We exist to strengthen, equip, support and bring healing to marriages and families.

Peace in the Home serves husbands and wives, married and solo parents, and men and women preparing for life after the wedding.  We do this through casual events hosted by churches, schools or other organizations.



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November 2008
Greetings!

Everyday now, more and more homes are impacted by fallout from the growing economic crisis. That puts pressure on our most important relationships, so it is to these we turn our attention in "For richer or for poorer".

Love,
Robert & Melissa
 
For richer or for poorer ...

A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle,
That's the way the money goes --
Pop goes the weasel!
                                                                      ~ M. Goose
 
I looked at our investment portfolio the other day, and then went for the knife rack.  From behind me, I heard a sweet, familiar voice: "Now Robert, there's a lot of good value in the market right now, gas prices are down, and it's unseasonably warm outside."  As you can see, my wife is one of those glass half-full people!
 
Call me crazy, but I don't consider money to be a root cause of marital discord.  Instead, I think spats over money often expose underlying needs, or opportunities to improve communication or problem-solving skills.  Given the current economy, I have to adjust that theory a bit.  It's one thing to bicker about money.  It's quite another not to be able to make ends meet, or to have one's world suddenly come crashing down.
 
Retirement accounts in the U.S. have lost over 2 trillion dollars, evaporating the savings of good folks who had hoped to retire soon.  Financial markets are off 40-50% over a year ago.  Retailers are bracing for the worst Christmas sales in forty years.
 
Just this past week, I heard of two local families who have slipped from apparent prosperity to quiet desperation.  Without a miracle, at least one of these families will lose their house within the next sixty days.
 
As an adult-focused family ministry, our first concern is what effect will all of this have on the home, particularly on the marriage upon which its health pivots.  Anyone who's been married for more than a day knows it's hard enough having a great relationship when the markets are soaring and jobs are secure!
 
In Genesis, Adam eventually lost his garden-keeping job.  He was evicted for life from his nicely-landscaped first home.  But, he retained the responsibility for making his marriage work.
 
Increased stress on even one spouse, alters the way a husband and wife relate to each other.  When frustrated or anxious, some of us withdraw emotionally; others of us become less patient and perhaps more irritable; still others avoid the stress-producing subject altogether, refusing to talk about it.  It's helpful to know what we do.
 
For many men, internalizing feelings of insecurity about career, or rejection during times of job loss, may seem to make sense.  Protecting one's wife and family by suppressing bad news can be rationalized.  But is it a healthy thing to do?
 
"Relationships are built on trust, and trust is built on truth.  The more you withhold, the more you weaken the relationship.  Married couples need to work through crises together." 
                                                ~ Charles Swindoll

 
Like frost invading a foundation's crack, intensified stress will drive a wedge into any weakness in a marriage relationship.  Now may not be the right time to shore up a sagging portfolio, but it is the right moment to pour renewed time, energy and creativity into your marriage to strengthen its foundation.
 
Parents should keep in mind that increased stress on a marriage has an immediate effect on children in the home.  For example, how mom and dad respond to it determines whether that effect will be positive or negative.
 
"When elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers."
                                                               ~ African proverb

 
It is good for parents to coach their children through family crises, rather than trying to insulate them from all of their effects.  One recent family meeting at our house brought smiles to our faces when three piggybanks were offered as solutions to the world's economic problems.
 
So, what can we do to reinforce our marriages through this season of financial hardship?  We have a few suggestions:
 
1.  Think about how you respond when under pressure.  If you're not sure, ask your mate.  We have to be careful during times like these not to engage in activities that just numb the pain, or put distance between ourselves and our spouses.  That might include increasing our intake of alcohol, withdrawing from important relationships, or taking our frustrations and fears out on the people we love.
 
2.  Think about creating a crisis plan.  Talk with your mate and make some adjustments now to "fill your granaries" (Genesis 41) in the event that your house is hit by one of those long "Egyptian droughts".  Melissa and I were amazed to discover just how many of our expenses fall into the luxury category.
 
3.  Think about serving others whose life situations have declined.  Pride often inhibits many from asking for support, but that doesn't diminish the need.  Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves, and allows God to work through us.
 
4.  Think about laughing more in the midst of the rain.  There's nothing funny about economic hardship, but working through a tough time can be a lot more enjoyable with some hilarity thrown in.  If you have young children, it won't take much to get it going!
 
5.  Think about relying more fully on God.  Suffering, financial or otherwise, has a way of knocking us down in the dirt.  Job has taught us that down-and-short-of-resources is a great posture from which to turn and worship the one who has our best interests at heart.
 
6.  Think about deepening your devotion to your mate.  Financial insecurity can rock your world, but knowing the two of you are an indivisible team, for richer or for poorer, will help keep the enemy at bay, while building commitment to each other.
 
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.  Please let us know how we can support you and your family.
 
rgp