For those in the helping profession, we know the difficult and heart-breaking circumstances that can bring people into our care. Offices turn into mini war zones and hospitals, where people come to both fight and heal. As Christians, we know sin is a major factor that brings clients in for counseling. Whether the sin of others, the sin of self, or the effects of a broken world brought on by the original sin of Adam and Eve, we must address the role it plays.

   Often, a client's personal sin is a large component in the therapy process. The client who cheated on their spouse, gossiped and lost a friend, let the love of money come between family members, harbored bitterness or abused their children; whatever the situation, they enter our offices needing healing and forgiveness. When someone is dealing with the consequences of their own sinful choices and seems stuck in the process, I often hear this comment, "I know God can forgive me, but I need to forgive myself." I am both saddened and frightened by this remark. I am saddened because I mourn and ache with the person who continues to feel regret and pain. Most of us can relate to emotions, at times feeling like quicksand. I am frightened because the idea of self-forgiveness is not biblical but is a veiled form of pride and shame that comes with placing our thoughts and emotions as primary instead of God's Word.

   Scripture speaks over and over to the idea that we are habitual sinners and Jesus Christ is the once-for-all sacrifice for our sins. God is the one, ultimate, gracious forgiver.   I believe there is little support in Scripture that backs the idea of self-forgiveness. Through Jesus Christ dying on the cross, absorbing the wrath of God for our sins and raising from the dead, our payment has been made in full. Meaning we don't need to add anything else to the cross. Am I the only one who wants to shout praises at that thought?! No more offerings need to be made! The author of Hebrews teaches this idea: "But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until His enemies should be made a footstool for His feet. For by a single offering He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." Hebrews 10:1-18

   Hebrews instructs us that the altar is closed and no more offerings for sin need to be made. When we encourage our clients to "forgive themselves," we are subtly telling them what occurred on the cross for their transgressions was not enough. We are letting our clients reject God's gracious gift of complete forgiveness and are saying "you need something else to feel better, go forgive yourself." Instead, we need to encourage clients to believe and freely receive this complete and precious gift bought on our behalf!

   When someone claims they need to forgive themself, what their heart is communicating is the struggle to believe they could be totally forgiven. They desperately want to know they aren't too bad, haven't crossed some line that keeps them from being wholly clean. The statement "I need to forgive myself" is usually spoken out of a heart struggling with shame and unbelief. It cries out "I'm too dirty, too damaged, and I need something else to help me feel better!" It places our emotions as primary and compels us to add something else to the idea of forgiveness of sins through the cross. Pride is putting oneself in the place of God; when our emotions trump scripture's claim that Christ's death on the cross is the only way to receive forgiveness for sins, we are walking in pride.

   Instead of yoking our clients (and ourselves) with the idea of self-forgiveness, let us encourage them to go deeper into the love of Christ, examine the reasons behind why they are not fully accepting grace, and look into their hearts to uncover unbelief and shame. We all can resonate with the man in Mark 9:24 when he cried out to Christ, "I believe, but help my unbelief!" This is what we pray and cry out along side our clients. In Christ, we have received grace upon grace and His mercy has no limits. Let us impart that truth to those in our care.  

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