By Jason Hithersay, MA, LPC Intern

     Okay, so stereotypes abound surrounding gender. These stereotypes sometimes say that women are more emotional, they talk more and they are more willing to go to counseling than men. Men are supposed to be strong and silent; we keep our emotions close to the vest unless expressing them will present us as stronger or braver. These are all most likely true based upon my experience in life, although not always. The fact is that many men do not seek help for mental health issues. There is a distinct gender imbalance in the counseling room and the man tends to be the one missing. The need is there nonetheless for men to seek help for a multitude of issues. What, you may ask, will talking about your problems result in? Well, it may result in actually changing your brain for the better. You may be able to finally resolve an issue that has been troubling you in your relationships, or it may help you find out the reason that you feel listless and unmotivated. Maybe you feel like the people in your life don't understand you in the fundamental ways that you need to be understood. I think there is a tendency in our culture to try to remain independent and find your own resolution to problems. Unfortunately, this all too often results in treating problems with alcohol, illegal drugs, or pornography. Ultimately you may be trying to fill a void you feel you have inside where the connection to others really belongs.

     God made men and noticed that we need to connect to other people.  As he said in Genesis, "It is not good for man to be alone." So he gave us companionship with other people, with our wives and our families. Unfortunately, before Adam and Eve had their first child, they chose to disobey God and sin, creating the beginning of the disconnection that still pervades our relationships today. Fortunately, he sent his Son to die for our sins and gave us the ability to reconnect with him by sending his Holy Spirit. The story doesn't end there though, as I'm sure anyone who has ever lived has experienced. I think sometimes we expect that our worldly problems will immediately be solved once we accept Christ. Becoming a Christ-follower does not immediately result in a man being perfect in his relationships. It requires time and connection to others who can help you when you reach a lull or barrier to your development.

     Some times, an analogy is helpful. Think of that barrier as a river that is too wide and deep and swift to cross on your own; you need a boat and a guide to cross. Often times, that guide can be a counselor if the river is one of depression, anxiety, or family conflict. Licensed professional counselors who are Christians feel a calling to help people recover from the problems of everyday living and, right now, men are not seeking that help often enough. Perhaps as men we need a challenge. I enjoy a challenge as a man, so let me pose this one to all the men out there: Come and try to make things better. The real reason you aren't doing it is because you are scared, and that's okay. It's part of the original sin, when Adam was too scared to come out and see God and then pointed the finger at Eve; she did it, she's the problem. We don't accept that we are the problem too. But you need to find the courage to overcome that fear. Make that initial appointment; try it out. Share your story. The results may be life changing and that's worth trying out.              

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