Meier Clinics
NewsletterInspiration, Insight & Information
November 2011
in this issue
:: Being the Change Agent for Your Family Needs
:: Regrets - A Devotional Thought from Focus on the Family
:: Timberline Knolls - A Residential Treatment Center for Women
:: Meier Clinics Specialty Programs
Being the Change Agent for Your Family Needs
By Shannan Crawford, PsyD
  

   The holidays are rapidly approaching and this can stir up an array of diverse emotions. Many people dread the "inevitable" of the holidays rather than taking a proactive approach. The objective of this article is to empower you to recognize that you do have the power to be the change agent your family needs!

   Family patterns pass from one generation to the next and most of us can identify habits, reactions, tendencies and patterns that we engage in that we know relate back to our family of origin. Generally, we make a vow to "never" or "always" do things like our family did. This leads to extremes and we end up losing our ability to objectively deal with situations and relationships in flexible and appropriate ways. The loss of flexibility causes us to get caught in the "extremes" (i.e. people pleasing, enmeshment, severing people out of our lives) which develops toxic roles. If we recognize that "our parents parented as well as they were parented," we see how patterns are passed from one generation to the next. As we are busy judging our parents, we don't realize that we are inadvertently passing those same family patterns to the next generation, unless someone breaks the cycle. We often wish/pray/demand that others change first and we fail to recognize that God may be promoting us to be the "Joseph" our family needs!

   The Story of Joseph is a compelling true story of how one person really can bring healing, restoration and blessing to an entire family (Genesis 37, 39-48). If anyone had a valid reason to complain about his family, it was Joseph. Growing up in a blended family with serious family dysfunction, he grew up as the oldest child of his dad's second marriage in a huge family with his much older half brothers hating him. Loved by one parent but hated for that love; Joseph was caught in the middle with no apparent advocate. Joseph had a lot to complain about. His brothers' hatred toward him intensified to the point that they betrayed him and sold him into slavery. Many of us have our war stories about our families, but few can compare with what Joseph went through. Joseph did not receive an apology, no one went after him to rescue him or make it right. Joseph was deserted, abandoned, betrayed, and mistreated in every possible way, with every right to hold on to the bitterness of the injustice!

   Finally, the opportunity for glorious revenge came. His brothers, the very ones who sold him into slavery and 14 years of devastation, are begging him for help. They are pleading with him, much like he must have pleaded with them as they mercilessly sold him into bondage. Now, Joseph is in a prestigious position, with the power to exact justice, he had the ability to finally rub it in their faces, to show them!! He could lord it over them and make them sweat like they had made him sweat! Sweet revenge is finally here!

   And yet...Joseph did none of those things. He did not recount the horror of his slavery experiences, or the atrocity of having everything ripped away from him again when he was falsely accused of rape and no one was there to defend or protect him...he was a foreigner in a nation that looked down on his ethnicity...he spent years in prison, years of isolation, having everything stripped from him. Finally he could give them what they deserved.

   Joseph did not exact justice. Rather, Joseph was the first to extend forgiveness (even when they had not apologized), to be the first to extend the hand of mercy (even when they had shown no mercy), to be the first to offer the gift of grace (even when they had been unfathomably cruel). How could Joseph not retaliate in kind (he had the power to enslave them all); why didn't he take the opportunity?!

   Is it possible that the Lord is writing a narrative much larger for our lives than we could ever imagine? Is it possible that the family drama, trial, suffering, inequality, devastation, and despair are the vehicle God may be using to cause us to lean into Him instead of our own strength or the strength of others? In that place of intimacy, when all we have is Him, He is preparing and positioning us for the magnificent destiny He created us to step into. All Joseph had was to cling to the Lord, to lean into God. What if, in that place of clinging, he gained revelation of the larger plan unfolding? Was it in those times of isolation that he grew incredibly intimate with the Lord and realized that no man holds his destiny, that even family members have no power over him, that God alone is sovereign and God Himself will redeem every heartache, provide perfect justice, and turn all things together for the good of those who serve Him.

   There is so much power in letting go of offense, injustice, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and resentment. The grudge we carry hinders us from connecting with the larger story of how the Lord desires to come in and turn the ashes of our family into something beautiful. Maybe the Lord is waiting to trust us to be the first to offer mercy, extend forgiveness and release the past so that we can be the ones to initiate change in our family.

   God is not through with you yet. Injustice and inequality in families happen. It is what you choose to do with it that determines whether you are someone God can trust or not. God is still working your story together for your good. Hang in there, you don't know how the very injustice of your family wounds may be the very thing God uses to prepare you and position you to be in the right place to receive a blessing you can't even imagine!

   Going into the holidays with a new perspective helps us to not fall back into old family dynamics, helps us assert appropriate boundaries (read the book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend for more information on this) and, over time, model to the family more effective ways to relate. Being proactive to prepare our hearts now empowers us to be the change agent God has been looking to promote!

__________ ___ __________

 

Shannan CrawfordShannan Crawford, Psy.D., joined Meier Clinics in Richardson, Texas, in 2010.  As a clinical psychologist, she works with clients eight years and older on a wide range of mental health needs. Dr. Crawford is very active in her church and community, mentoring, inspiring and helping others realize their potential and dreams.

Regrets

  

By Phil Swihart, PhD

 

   Very few people who are being honest, with the possible exception of narcissistic sociopaths, would claim that they do not have, nor have they ever had, regrets. Some time ago, I thought about discussing the topic of regrets but found it no easy task.  It began to feel like trying to wade through a pool of molasses - much more complex than it first appeared to be.  I began to reevaluate and to choose some other topic but then I found that three individuals who I appreciate and respect all made some recent remarks about it.  I decided maybe the Lord has chosen this time to make a point through a number of venues - so I had best stick to the topic. 

   In some ways, the regrets we have are rather like a gunnysack of rocks we carry around with us.  The Senior Pastor of Village Seven Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, Rev. Mark Bates, has pointed out that regrets are cumulative.  They don't just melt away but rather, as we go through life, they tend to accrue and become heavier and heavier burdens. These "rocks" are a combination of memories of those decisions and behaviors we have done that were wrong, that were sins, that "grieved" the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30) mixed with  memories of things we should have done that we did not do, of lost opportunities, which were the result of ignoring His prompting and thereby "quenching" the Holy Spirit (I Thessalonians 5:19).

   Dr. Charles Stanley recently wrote in In Touch magazine that Peter and Paul, both who carried deep regrets, "forgave themselves. They laid down the guilt of their sins at the cross and refused to carry it any longer. That's why the Lord could use them so effectively. A self-directed, unforgiving spirit is just as detrimental and destructive as holding a grudge against someone else."  Dr. Stanley suggests several "steps" to self-forgiveness and notes that each one is a "choice based on truth, not emotions. Based on God's Word, by an act of your will, in faith, choose to forgive yourself. Freedom from the prison.....of regret is only a choice away."

   Jeannette Clift George, a well known actress in the film, The Hiding Place, who has a long association with Billy Graham, recently spoke about regrets in Colorado Springs and very poignantly put an exclamation point on these thoughts.  She said that if God forgives you, and you don't, you are not in agreement with God. "If God forgives you, you forgive, even if it's you." 

________ _ ________

  

Phil Swihart

Dr. Phil Swihart is a psychologist and the Clinical Director of the Counseling Department at Focus on the Family. He also maintains a private practice in Colorado Springs, CO. Visit
www.focusonthefamily.com or call 855-771-HELP for more information about this wonderful organization.

 

Timberline Knolls  

   Located just outside of Chicago on 43 beautiful wooded acres, Timberline Knolls (TK) residential treatment center offers a spiritual environment of recovery for women ages 12 and over who are struggling to overcome eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, self-harming behaviors and co-occurring disorders.
   In partnership with Meier Clinics, TK's program is based on strong psychological and spiritual principles and includes proven therapy milieus: cognitive-behavioral, dialectical behavior, integrative cognitive, motivational interviewing, family/ systems, Christian-based, and 12-steps. Continuing care discharge planning and expressive therapy are also integral parts of the care provided.
    If you or someone you know might benefit from this program, please contact TK at 877-257-9611.  Be sure to specify if you want a Meier Clinics staff member to provide care.  For more information about TK, call or visit www.timberlineknolls.com.
 
Timberline Knolls with Tagline
Meier Clinics Specialty Programs

 

Day Program for Adults is available at the following Meier Clinics:  Wheaton, IL; Richardson, TX; Fairfax, VA; Bothell, WA.

Sexual Addiction Intensive Outpatient for Adults (Pathway to Freedom) at Meier Clinics in Richardson, TX.

After-school Intensive Outpatient Program for Teens (Breakaway) at Meier Clinics in Wheaton, IL.

Chemical Dependency Intensive Outpatient Program for Adults offered at Linden Oaks Hospital in Naperville, IL, with a Christian track led by Meier Clinics staff.

Residential Care for Women and Teens at Timberline Knolls in Lemont, IL, with a Meier Clinics Christian track.

 For additional information about these programs, visit our website at www.meierclinics.org or give us a toll free call at 888-7 CLINIC (888-725-4642).

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 Happy  Thanksgiving. . .

 

from all of us at Meier Clinics.  We hope as you enter this Thanksgiving season, you will take some special time to thank God for all He has done for you in the past year.  Many times God is at work in unseen, unknown and even mysterious ways.  Even when life is full of trials and challenges, God is at work.  God promises, "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you."  (Heb. 13:6 NIV)  If we knew all the ways God has cared for us throughout our lifetime, I believe we would truly be overwhelmed.

   We thank God for the many people who have found healing and renewed life this past year through their counseling at Meier Clinics.  We thank God that He has entrusted and equipped our staff with the abilities to help others.  We thank God for the opened and closed doors as we look to Him for direction.  We thank God for those of you who have partnered with us in helping others through your donations and those of you who pray for us and those we serve.

   If you would like to be a financial partner, know that your gift goes 100% to help those struggling financially who want Christian counseling through Meier Clinics.  On their behalf, we say "thank you."  

  • Make checks payable to Meier Clinics Foundation/ 2100 Manchester Road, Ste. 1510, Wheaton, IL 60187-4561.
  • Call us at 800-848-8872 using a charge card.
  • Make a payment online at www.meierclinics.org
Wheat field
 
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and
his courts with praise;
 give thanks to him and praise his name. 
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever."
Psalm 100:4-5a



Thank you for taking time out of your day to read our newsletter.  We hope it has been Meier Clinics Logoencouraging and helpful.  If you would like more information about Meier Clinics and how we might be of service to you, please call us at 888-7CLINIC to be directed to the Meier Clinics nearest you or visit us at www.meierclinics.org

Sincerely,
Sandy Newport, Editor