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| Newsletter | Inspiration, Insight & Information
SEPTEMBER 2010
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BEATITUDES FOR LIFE WITH A BELOVED ADDICT
By Barry Levy, LCSW-C, CCDC, LMFT, BCN
Loving a family member or friend with an addiction is difficult. Love wants to protect, defend and take care of the beloved. When the beloved is an addict, this can lead to denial of the addictive disease and to enabling the addiction to continue. What would Jesus do? Let's look at His words in the eight Beatitudes to give us some guidance in this difficult situation. The beatitudes, found in Matthew 5:1-11, are the summary of the life Jesus lived and what he taught us to live in order to find happiness, even in the most difficult circumstances of life. In the beatitudes, we find a representation of Jesus himself who promised to be with us and see us through this life all the way to heaven.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." The poor in spirit know that they don't have what they need without God's help. Spiritual poverty brings us to our knees. To admit our powerlessness over the addict is to accept our poverty. When we are poor and weak, Christ can be strong in us by giving us the wisdom to know what to say and do.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." There are untold losses in living with a beloved addict: time, money, and comfort, to name a few. We must grieve our losses so that we can come out of denial. Then we can face our situation and receive the comfort that comes from living in the truth.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Meekness is not weakness: it is the strength that comes from humble submission to God. When we come to the end of ourselves, we learn that "my way does not work." We learn to place God at the center of our lives, not the addict. Jesus said, "Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart." (Mt 11:29)
"Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." Jesus, the humble Son of God, entered our world and experienced hunger and thirst in the desert, teaching us that our real hunger is for the word of God. No matter how wrong, how unrighteous our lives may become, God's word promises to "restore us to sanity."
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." After being lied to for the umpteenth time, it's hard to be merciful and forgive. Mercy, too, may be mistaken for weakness or seem to enable the addiction. However, it is mercy that keeps our hearts from becoming hard and vindictive in response to recurrent abandonment and betrayal. We can speak the truth in love. We can say what we mean without saying it mean. Jesus empowers us to not close our hearts in resentment even when we set necessary boundaries with a beloved addict.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." The heart is our deepest interior: the center of our consciousness, freedom, thoughts, and decisions. The heart is where we are fundamentally open or closed to God's love and to others. Our relationship with an addict can actually help purify our heart through what we endure, when we stay out of denial, do the next right thing, and keep God's will at the center of what we say and do.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." This is not a peace at any price, but an absence of rancor and malice that can easily slip into life with an addict. This peace comes by not trying to control the behavior of others, but by holding our peace when wronged or provoked so that we can speak the truth in an acceptable way.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." When we stop enabling the addiction, we help put out the fire by limiting its fuel source. We can be sure that this behavior change will be met by opposition, ridicule and persecution. We need to remember we have the promise of the kingdom that not playing along with the addictive behavior and setting boundaries in the right way will eventually have a good outcome.
You didn't cause the addiction, and you can't control or cure it (only the addict can, with the help of God), but you can cope with it. The peace and power of the word of God in the beatitudes helps us in living with a loved one suffering with an addictive illness. At the Meier Clinics, we have many counselors trained in helping you live through the addictive nightmare and, with God's help, live a life of beatitude in the process.
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 Barry Levy is the Clinical Director for Meier Clinics in Rockville, Maryland. Prior to joining Meier Clinics in 1990, Mr. Levy was a youth pastor for six years and also worked in several psychiatric programs including an Inpatient Chemical Dependency unit. He has been trained in Family Systems, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Traumatic Incident Reduction, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Sexual Identity Issues, EMDR, EEG Biofeedback, Brain Mapping, and Substance Abuse Counseling with a Chemical Dependency Certification.
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The Hard Ones
By Lon D. Adams, MA, LMFT
"Come boldly to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb. 4:16) "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
My family and friends are not the only ones concerned about others struggling with substance abuse addictions. I've attended the 12-step groups, and continue to do so. I've followed the wise counsel of those people and that body of literature. And these friends still represent an unfathomable challenge to me.
I take comfort that they aren't a challenge to God. He has their destiny worked out in accordance with His holy word, and His will. I do come boldly to the throne of grace, ask God for wisdom, and pray for them daily. But, I also understand that I can't DO for someone else what they must DO for themselves, i.e. the codependency struggle.
Several of these people are still not sober, nor in the fold, nor living for Jesus. One of them has been homeless, living on the streets since March. What must we think about these "hard ones"?
Senior Professor, Dr. Jim Means, in a "Seeds of Change" devotional (July 19, 2010) of Denver Seminary says: "The truth is that God does not instantly and always meet all wants and needs of Christians. Such thinking about God is incorrect. We must surrender such erroneous notions." He continues: "Like the apostle Paul and innumerable others, we must learn to live with deprivation and necessity, crucial ingredients in God's design." And he quotes Romans 8:18 -"Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us".
Interesting isn't it, that I'm not citing verses on prayer, and "believing God for the answers". My view has become that God wants for these not-yet sober ones what I want, and He's allowing them to experience their own deficits. A puritan writer in the 1670's made the point that if God were to answer every prayer uttered in desperation immediately, that needy person may not continue to seek the Lord. God is sovereign, and available, but, He's left us with assignments to "ask, seek, and knock".
We can be faithful to pray for those "hard ones", but God's correction will ultimately prevail.
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 Lon Adams is a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor, practicing since 1978. He has worked for Focus on the Family's counseling office since 1985. For more information on Focus on the Family, visit |
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HOSPITAL PROGRAMS NOW AVAILABLE
The Meier Clinics Faith-Based Inpatient Programs are designed for individuals who need more intensive treatment than is available through Outpatient or Day programs. Patients will receive personalized care through individual and group counseling from dedicated and caring professional staff. After completion of the inpatient program, patients may continue building on the skills they have learned by attending the Meier Clinics Intensive Outpatient or Partial Hospitalization programs.
Some of the common issues treated include: suicidal thoughts, anxiety/panic attacks, bi-polar disorder, alcohol/drug addiction, depression, delusional thinking, eating disorders, co-occurring disorders, schizophrenia, self-injury, sexual abuse and addiction, anger/rage, and more.
There are two programs to choose from:
Cedar Hills Hospital, Portland, OR
University Behavioral Health, El Paso, TX
If you or someone you know might benefit from a brief inpatient treatment program, please contact our Intake Specialists at 888-7CLINIC (888-725-4642).
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"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who. . .made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant. . ."
Philippians 2:5-7
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Anorexia Treatment and Recovery Journal Detailed in New Book
Timberline Knolls Staff Member Describes Impact on Faith and Family
Women and families struggling with an eating disorder or another addiction should never lose sight of the need to sustain the spirit, according to a new book by Jena Morrow, an author in recovery after more than 20 years with anorexia nervosa. Morrow, a behavioral health specialist at Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center, details a battle with anorexia that begins in early childhood in Hollow: An Unpolished Tale, recently released by Moody Publishers.
Morrow, who is also a Christian musician, emphasizes the role that her faith played in sustaining her through periods when she resisted recovery, and even planned to relapse following inpatient anorexia nervosa treatment. Hollow's message is important for Christians and non-Christians alike. Whether one is unaware of eating disorders, currently struggling with anorexia or bulimia, or supporting a loved one with an eating disorder or co-occurring disorder, Hollow provides potentially life-saving insight. Important themes in Hollow include:
Eating disorders can appear in early childhood. At times, lots of media attention is given to signs and symptoms of eating disorders in teens and adult women. Jena's detailed account of her early childhood memories can help parents, doctors and clinicians frame indicators of body image distortion even in pre-school age girls.
Inpatient and residential treatment can be life-saving, especially when the patient isn't fully committed to recovery. The seven months she spent at a residential anorexia treatment center ultimately helped save Jena's life. Even though she wasn't fully committed to stopping anorexic behaviors, residential treatment bought Jena time to sustain herself physically and spiritually by providing medical care and support to mend relationships with her family and lifelong friends with a common experience in treatment.
Eating disorders are chronic, addictive diseases. The addiction that led Jena to starving herself is no different than the compulsion felt by men and women who abuse drugs, alcohol or prescription medications. The physiological side effects of anorexia nervosa can also produce a "starvation high" marked by manic energy and thinking, and a sense of invincibility. As with chemical dependency, with the right type of treatment, symptoms of anorexia and other eating disorders can be addressed, managed, and eventually remitted.
Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center will be sponsoring a series of events around the country where Ms. Morrow will share her story. The first three events, co-sponsored with the Meier Clinics, took place this summer in Dallas, Seattle and Virginia.
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Timberline Knolls is a residential treatment center for females, ages 12 and older, nestled in a wooded area in a southwestern suburb of Chicago. Meier Clinics provides Christian counseling services for those residents who request it. For more information about TK, call 877-257-9611 or visit their website at www.timberlineknolls.com or on facebook www.facebook.com/TimberlineKnolls. |
| Can you help? Meier Clinics Foundation has provided charitable care to thousands of people over the years who needed counseling services but did not have sufficient financial resources to get the help they needed. A portion of this care was made possible through the donations of caring individuals like you. If you would like to be a part of a worthy ministry, you can make a tax deductible donation today. Thank you for your prayers and support of this ministry and the people that are served.
Three easy wasy to donate:
Mail: MCF, 2100 Manchester Road, Suite 1510, Wheaton, IL 60187-4561
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MCF is a 501(c)(3), non-profit. Donations are tax deductible within IRS regulations. |
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now on
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Thank your for taking time out of your day to read our newsletter. We hope it has been encouraging and enlightening. If there is a topic you would like us to address in the future, please feel free to contact us at info@meierclinics.com.
If you would like to speak with one of our staff members, please call us at 888-7CLINIC to be directed to the Meier Clinics nearest you. Or you may contact us by e-mail at intakepost@meierclinics.com.
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