By Phil Swihart, Ph.D.

    Most of us value friendships and think that we know what friendships are.  A simple Webster's definition of a friend is being attached to another by affection or esteem. This seems to imply a "balanced" relationship between "equals," at least in some respects. If, however, we desire to be named by the Lord as His friend, such a definition is totally inadequate.  We might imagine being a "friend" of  the Queen of England, or a "friend" of Billy Graham, or a "friend" of the President, whoever that may beat the time, but quickly discover that such fantasies about friendships with other human beings who arefamous, highly respected, or powerful, pale into complete insignificance when trying to contemplate being called a "friend"  by THE Sovereign Creator, not just of our universe but of all universes which may exist, being called a "friend" by THE Sovereign Lord of all that ever was, of all that is, and of all that shall ever be. Obviously there is nothing "balanced" or "equal" about such a relationship. In fact, our God does not live and have His being in our plane of time/space existence, thus, the idea of being called His "friend," when given much thought at all, regardless of one's level of creative intelligence, is clearly beyond our capacity to encapsulate within our finite ability to understand.  

    The question then stands.  Is it possible to be a friend of God?  God has answered "yes." When asked to give examples from His Holy Word, considering all of the billions of people who have lived on earth until now, we find such crystal clear examples to be rare. We know that two individuals are described in Genesis as having "walked with God," which is assumed to mean that they had an intimate relationship with the Lord and that He thus considered them to be His "friends."  Noah "walked with God" and a more mysterious person, Enoch, also walked with God "for 300 years."  Now that is something to think about for a moment.  Most of us find it difficult to truly and consistently walk with God for 300 days, sometimes for 300 minutes, let alone 300 years. There is one person who God named as His friend, using that term in a precise and unambiguous manner.  God, speaking through the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 41:8 ( NIV), says, "But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham My friend..."  Also in the New Testament in James 2:21 (NIV) God says,  "Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the alter?"   Continuing in verse 23 (NAS),  "And the Scripture was fulfilled which says 'And Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned (or credited) to him as righteousness,' and he was called the friend of God."  God has thus in eloquent and elegant simplicity told us exactly what is required to be called His friend. We must believe Him and then we must consistently act in accord with that belief. Obviously then, as illustrated by Abraham,  being called a "friend of God" by Him involves not only choosing not to do what He has stated is a sin and told us that we are not to do, but at least as important, choosing to do what He, perhaps in a still, quiet voice, asks us to do, that we may otherwise ignore, rationalize away or be inclined to avoid doing for a host of wrong reasons, certainly including, but not limited to, unbelief, lack of trust, fear, and rebellion. The words of a familiar hymn come to mind:  "Trust and obey, for there's no other way..."  Jesus said  in John 14:31(NIV), "I do exactly what my Father has commanded me."  In John 14:15, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." And in John 15:14, "You are my friends if you do what I command."

    I can assume there may be some who object to this conclusion. I would then note that this is not a discussion of our salvation, nor of God's love, nor of His mercy, forgiveness and grace. This discussion is not about God being our friend.  It is about our being God's friend.  These are completely different considerations and, as noted initially in the first few sentences of this column, absolutely not equivalent. Someone may say that this hinges far too much on Jewish fables in the Old Testament Hebrew Scriptures - tales about ancient people who may or may not have ever lived. I would point out that Jesus, God incarnate, repeatedly, in the New Testament, validated the authenticity, accuracy and authority of the Scriptures of the Old Testament, "the Law and the Prophets," as God's Holy Word.   

    Some may also say that since God loves everyone, that He is everyone's "friend," and, in a sense, everyone is His friend, therefore, this entire commentary is irrelevant. This not only fails to differentiate between God being our friend vs. being called God's friend by Him, but it simply is false, it is heresy.  What is difficult to understand about God's Word on this, spoken through James 4:4 (NIV)?: "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."  (and thus is certainly not His friend).

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Dr. Phil Swihart is a psychologist and the Director of Counseling Services and Community Relations at Focus on the Family.  For more information on Focus on the Family, visit www.focusonthefamily.com.

•  University Behavioral Health, El Paso, Texas
• Cedar Hills Hospital, Portland, OR