January 2010 
Meier Clinics E-News
 
"One of the most trusted names in Christian Counseling"           1-888-7CLINIC 
REFLECTIONS

by Glen Lutjens, LMFT

       Now that we've moved into a new year, let me take a moment to reflect upon this past Christmas season. It hit me when I was saying the Apostles' Creed recently for the umpteenth time, "Whatever happened to the dash between the two bookends of Christ's birth and death? "  ...Born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate. . .The Bible says nothing about Jesus' life between those 33 years!  Don't think you'll find more about his life if you look at the Nicene Creed, it's not there either.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think it means that the Church fathers thought Christ's life was unimportant.  But it appears that his life validated his "God came in the flesh" status-the incarnation, and pointed to his sacrifice on the cross for the elimination of our brokenness and sin.

    But it's different for you and me.  Unlike Jesus, we didn't choose to be born into this world.  And rarely, if ever, do people make a decision about dying the type of death Jesus did.  But we do get to make some choices about the time between our birth and death.  The incarnation of God in human form to suffer, die, and rise again gives us the chance to live life the way God intended.  It's not about earning His favor. For those who have received God's free gift of salvation, we are secure in His grace.  Secure to honor Him and delight in His love.

     So let's remember the choice Christ made to humble himself to become one of us, and to die for a lost world.  Had Jesus not come, you and I would be in a world without any hope.  Let's live our time between the bookends through the Spirit's power and to the glory of God.  Oh, come let us adore him!
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Glen LutgensGlenn Lutjens is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Colorado Springs. Along with his private practice, he is a counselor with Focus on the Family. Glenn and his wife, Elizabeth, have been blessed with three children.  Visit Focus on the Family at www.focusonthefamily.com


REAL LOVE VS. DEPENDENCY

By Richard Meier, MA, LPC, MDiv

   Love is defined as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing another's spiritual growth (Scott Peck, MD).  Love is an action of the will - namely of intention and action, but also of choice.  We do not have to love; we choose to love.
   To use the biblical word "agape," love is a commitment to meet needs and best interests of another with the goal of ultimate spiritual and emotional growth without any expectations.  It is a commitment of the will.  It is not necessarily emotionally motivated.  It is a concern for the needs of another, such as love, acceptance, and respect, and that those needs are attached to the other's best interests.  The giver reserves the right to judge what is in the other's best interests.  Love includes the ultimate goal of growth and maturity, both emotionally and spiritually.
   A common misconception is that dependency is love.  Dependency is the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another.  All of us have a desire to be babied, to be nurtured without effort on our part, to be cared for by persons stronger than us who have our interest truly at heart.  But these desires or feelings should not rule our lives.  They should not be the predominant theme of our lives or our existence.
    An example of what love is not:  A timid young man reported, "My mother loved me so much she wouldn't let me take the school bus until my senior year in high school.  She was afraid I would get hurt so she drove me to and from school every day, which was very hard on her.  She really loved me."  What seems to be love is often not love at all.
   Specifically, one whose life is ruled and dictated by dependency needs suffers from a psychological disorder which has a diagnostic name of "passive dependent personality disorder."  People with this disorder are so busy seeking to be loved that they have no energy left to give love.  They are takers without a balance of give and take.  They are like starving people scrounging wherever they can for food with no food of their own to give to others.  It is as if it does not matter whom they are dependent upon as long as there is just someone.  They are looking for their knight in shining armor who devotes 100% of his time and strength to actively filing up a vacuum but which ultimately can not be satisfied with that approach.
   If you find you are a dependent person, get connected with a Christian counselor who will help you re-program your self-talk.  Repeat this affirmation several times during the day, "I want my (insert family member's or friend's name) approval but I do not need it to be worthwhile.  I am free to be me, to think of others, and to give love."
  
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  I Corinthians 13:4-7
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Richard Meier
Richard Meier started working at Meier Clinics in 1985 and is a counselor at the Richardson, Texas, clinic.  He is an ordained minister and was a senior pastor for 22 years prior to joining Meier Clinics.  He is the older brother of Dr. Paul Meier (co-founder) and Nancy Brown (President).


When Holiday Meals Aren't a Gift
How to Cope with an Eating Disorder During the Holidays

   The holiday season can be a time full of joy, cheer, parties and family gatherings. But for many people, especially those recovering from an eating disorder, it's a time of self-evaluation, loneliness, reflection on past failures and anxiety about an uncertain future. Family gatherings with a loved one in recovery from an eating disorder can be challenging and sometimes awkward. 

   Even innocent exposure to overeating with the family and during the holidays can often mark the beginning of a problem or even trigger a reoccurring one. Since overeating during the holidays and for special occasions is commonly dismissed as traditional, for those in recovery, the holidays are an especially hard time. And because the holidays can often be a stressful time, it's important for those in recovery to do what is needed in order to make it easier on themselves and not be pressured into eating more than can be handled.

   It's also important for those in recovery to continue to get support from support groups, sponsors, etc., during these stressful months. Be in close contact with your sponsor or others in recovery before or after social and family gatherings.  Bringing along a support person, someone who knows what you are going through, is also a good idea.

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Meier Clinics provides Christian counseling services at Timberline Knolls in Lemont, IL, for those residents and their families who request it. For more information on Timberline Knolls, please visit http://www.timberlineknolls.com.


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We Need You!

     We need your prayers as we start another year ministering to those who are suffering with real physical, emotional, and relational problems.  God is the head of Meier Clinics and it is upon His Word that we base our counseling services.  We firmly believe in the power of prayer and gather each week to pray for the needs of those we serve as well as our ministry needs.  Would you also pray for us each week?
     We need your help financially too.  If you would like to play a part in healing lives, please prayerfully consider a one time or monthly gift so that we can reach out to more people in 2010.  Donations are tax deductible and can be made easily by one of the following:
Mail:  Send checks or money orders to Meier Clinics Foundation, 2100 Manchester Road,
            Suite 1510, Wheaton, IL 60187-4561
Website: www.meierclinics.org
Phone:  800-848-8872
     Thank you for prayerfully considering how God would have you respond.

Man praying at sunrise
 
 
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

 
 
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