October 2009 
Meier Clinics E-News
 
"One of the most trusted names in Christian Counseling"           1-888-7CLINIC 
 
REFLECTIONS
 
by Lon D. Adams, MA, LMFT 
 
   "Examples to the flock" is how Peter describes the behavior desired of "overseers." (I Peter 5:2)  Obviously, Christian counselors hold no such official position in the church, but as far as the necessity to be examples, we do have responsibility.  We have the privilege of counseling the "flock" and the responsibility of modeling life before them.
   Specifically in the area of moral purity, Peter said (Acts 15:9) "the Holy Spirit purifies our hearts by faith."  Jude's epistle says, "You, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith . . . keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of the Lord . . ." Our individual purity, and the way it is perceived by others, is the result of God's mercy in our lives and our careful maintenance of intimacy with Him.
   Given the moral climate of the culture we live and work in, our examples are vital to the church, in general, and our clients, in particular.
     Author, Harry Schaumburg, in his new book Undefiled, cites shocking statistics from the lives of the 1500 couples he's worked with over the past 18 years in his Biblical Intensive Counseling workshops. These were almost exclusively Christian couples, many in leadership roles in the church, who had come to him for adultery and sexual addiction issues. A high percentage of the men are involved in internet porn, as well as affairs, leaving many of their wives vulnerable to chat rooms, affairs, and the like.
   Dr. Schaumburg characterizes their problems as "spiritual and sexual immaturity."  In his opening chapter "Sexual Redemption?", Schaumburg says, "After nearly 3 decades of helping individuals and couples, and based on a continual study of the Bible, I've reached this conclusion: To be spiritually mature, you must be sexually mature; to be sexually mature, you must be spiritually mature." In describing his clients' complaints, he quotes many husbands as saying they "feel like a little boy" around their wives and some of the wives say they see their husbands as "just one more child in the family."
   How do we as counselors tackle this breakdown in biblical respect for spouses and help them see the necessity of openness? Certainly our own personal purity and role modeling is an issue.  Our Savior said in the Gospel (it would be quoted to Him), "Physician heal yourself." (Luke 4:23). That becomes an injunction for us, as Christian counselors, living and working amid the chaos of cybersex, impersonal sex, adultery, homosexuality, and sexual dissatisfaction in marriage. Our lives are really books that others will read. We must practice the biblical principles of keeping our eyes and thoughts pure (Job 31:1; II Cor.10:5), and carefully guard appropriate boundaries.
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Lon AdamsLon Adams  is a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor, practicing since 1978.  He has worked for Focus on the Family's counseling office since 1985.  For more about FOTF, visit www.focusonthefamily.com.
 
FINDING, REMEMBERING, AND EMBRACING THE "GOOD" IN LIFE
 
by Janet Walker, MA, NCC
  
   Often when clients enter treatment, their expectations are low.  In fact, from their perspective, a "good" outcome is to not feel horrible; for the hammer to stop pounding.  The concept of joy, of the abundant life (John 10:10), is anathema.  Much of our work as therapists is helping clients grieve their hurts and losses.  But our heritage as Christians is bigger than our sorrows.  There's a huge promised land on the other side of the river.  To cross that river, we coach clients to tolerate goodness, encourage them to remember what God has done and to look for His ongoing miraculous works on their behalf.
   We are odd creatures who gravitate toward the familiar, even if the familiar is painful.  For many who grew up in dysfunctional families, there is a strong pull to repeat unhealthy patterns of behavior because it's what they know.  In fact, self-care, healthy relationships, and even desires can be foreign concepts which can feel false, boring, and/or uncomfortable.  To break old patterns, we encourage clients to engage in small experiments in healthy living.  As they sit through the discomfort of engaging in positive activities or initiating new, safe relationships, they slowly build their tolerance for good.  The good increasingly becomes the new familiar.  To cement these new, positive experiences, we exhort clients to retrain their memories.
   Our memories are fallen.  It's a common occurrence for those with painful histories to force themselves to forget on a daily basis.  For those of us familiar with old typewriters, clients often push aside the day's events as if they were throwing back the carriage of an old Royal.  But the throw is indiscriminate; the good is pushed aside with the bad.  Scripture is full of God's instruction for us to remember his goodness.  We suggest to clients, in line with Philippians 4, to proactively recall whatever is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable" as a counterstrike to the bombardment of negative thinking that so many of them battle.    
   The story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness provides a prescriptive template for building our trust and hope muscles - look for God's daily miracles.  Although the Israelites were miraculously delivered from the ruthless Egyptians, they remained distrustful and fearful of God (Ex 16: 3).  Over the following decades their trust was built through daily, miraculous provision - water, quail and manna - and God's very presence.  Likewise, we encourage clients to look for God's miracles in their lives. 
   One of our Day Program clients, a trauma survivor named Grace*, took this charge to extraordinary heights.  One day shePresent showed me three tiny packages, each wrapped in shiny paper and tied with a delicate bow.  She shared that each box contained a note recording a miracle God had done for her.  A large, glass jar houses these treasures -36 at the last count - and she said that, when she looks at the jar, it gives her a "joy buzz".  Once the jar is full, Grace said she will open each gift and read every note.  She will remember. 
   May the Lord grant each of us the discipline to recall the miracles He has wrought for us. 
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* The client's name has been changed to protect her identity.
 
Janet (Jan) Walker works at the Meier Clinics in Fairfax, VA, counseling outpatient and Day Program clients.  The majority of her clients are working through issues of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.  Jan received a BA from Vanderbilt University and a MA in Counseling from Regent University.  Jan has been married for 25 years and has three children.
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MULTIFAMILY THERAPY:
Helping Residents and Their Family Heal
 
by Catherine Weigel Foy, LCSW, LMFT
 
   Recognizing the signs of both eating disorders and substance abuse in the behavior of a loved one can be difficult. Family and friends often feel the same denial as those experiencing the illnesses themselves. Coming to terms with the illness, confronting a loved one about the problem, and finding treatment can be confusing, upsetting, and daunting tasks.
   In their search for treatment for their loved one, many family members become isolated from friends and extended family who are unaware of the emotional turmoil that eating disorders and substance abuse can cause. By the time their loved one actually reaches a residential treatment center like Timberline Knolls, they are often emotionally depleted and burdened with guilt, often asking "What did I do to cause this?" By being included in the treatment of their loved one, family members can not only become an integral part of their family member's treatment, but also find much needed comfort and healing for themselves as well.
   At Timberline Knolls, one of the most effective ways to involve family members in the treatment process are our Multi-Family Groups. Facilitated by professional clinicians, the multi-family group model is structured
to promote sharing, open feedback, and creative searches for solutions among a group of different participating residents and their families who have been through similar circumstances. They learn about the illness for which their loved one is being treated and are provided guidelines for managing the illness. The group becomes an arena where family members can practice solving problems created by the illness in a comforting and compassionate setting.
   Multi-Family Group Therapy helps families realize they are not alone in their struggles. By hearing other families discuss the same problems and concerns they are experiencing, family members and residents are more likely to open up and join the discussion. As experiences are shared, they are more likely to find a hope for the future and a sense of empowerment to help their loved one and their family heal.
   Each week, the discussion during Multi-Family Group Therapy centers around different family dynamics, including roles and relationships, healthy boundaries, active listening, and managing anger. By creating dialog between family members as well as family-to-family, relationships are strengthened (diminishing the likelihood of relapse and continuing the process of learning) and greatly increases the chance of participants becoming a part of real life again.
    Meier Clinics is pleased to partner with Timberline Knolls by providing Christian counseling services for those who request it.
 

Timberline Knolls

 
PATHWAY TO FREEDOM
An Intensive Outpatient Program for Sexual Addiction 

As our Focus on the Family friends referred to in their column this month (see Reflections), it is no secret that our culture has become increasingly obsessesd with sex.  It is inescapable.  It is plastered throughout magazines, on billboards, on the internet, in books on TV - just about everywhere you look.  While many people felt a more unrestricted approach to sexuality would liberate people, it actually has led to bondage for many.  An alarming number of men and women have experienced painful consequences and find themselves unable to stop sexual behaviors that are destroying them emotionally, vocationally, relationally, and spiritually.
 
Meier Clinics offers an intensive outpatient program, Pathway to Freedom, at our Wheaton (Chicago), Illinois and Richardson (Dallas), Texas clinics.  Using a proven treatment program designed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, and integrating Christian principles, our Meier Clinics staff will guide those struggling with sexual addiction to find renewed hope, health, and freedom.
 
If you, a family member, a business associate, or a church member, are struggling with a sexual addiction, please give us a call at 1-888-725-4642 to discuss participation in this program.  You can read more about Pathway to Freedom online on our website at 
http://www.meierclinics.org/Pathway_to_Freedom.
 
Break the chain of bondage and find new freedom!

 
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 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. . .  Romans 12:2
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Can YOU help us?
 
     God is the head of Meier Clinics and it is upon His Word that we base our counseling services.  We firmly believe in the power of prayer and gather each week to pray for the needs of those we serve as well as our ministry needs.  Would you also pray for us each week?
     Would you be able to also help financially?  Every dollar makes a difference.  Please prayerfully consider a one time or monthly gift so more people can receive Christian counseling care.  Donations are tax deductible and can be made easily by one of the following:
Mail:  Send checks or money orders to Meier Clinics Foundation, 2100 Manchester Road, Suite 1510, Wheaton, IL 60187-4561
Phone:  800-848-8872
     Thank you for prayerfully considering how God would have you respond.  Thanks to those of you who do pray for us and have contributed to the cost of client care.
Meier Clinics
Contact Info
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