| REFLECTIONS
Let's Talk About Our Anger
by Glen Lutjens, LMFT
Just this morning I felt that adrenaline-pumping emotion, anger, when my son wasn't ready for school on time. It's an emotion that tends to follow all of us, counselor and client alike.
Each one of us has been created in God's image. That includes our anger. If it's part of our image-bearing, it can't be all bad. And it's not. Counselors realize the goal is not to bury this emotion, but to deal with it constructively. Good things can come out of anger.
But is there any moral component involved? We frequently hear that anger is neutral - it's how we deal with it that's right or wrong. Often, anger is neutral. Yet, if emotions reflect our thinking, then when our thinking gets messed up, so will the anger that results from it.
When Jonah was angry because God showed compassion toward the people of Nineveh (Jonah 4:1-4), was his emotion morally neutral? In verse 4, God asked him, "Have you any right to be angry?" It had a question mark at the end, but God was really making a statement.
Anger is like the oil light on the dashboard of a car. It tells us something somewhere is wrong. The problem may be out there (in the engine) needing to be addressed. Or, it may be internal (in the wiring). Comparing it to anger, I may have good reason to be angry at something external, or my anger may be the result of internal distorted or sinful thinking. I guess you could say that the oil light coming on is not the real problem, it's only telling you what the problem is - the way I'm thinking about it. So the emotion itself may be morally neutral, but not always the mindset behind it.
Counselors may voice the moral neutrality of anger because they don't want people to stuff their feelings. But if we understand that our loving Father can handle our emotions, we can bring Him our anger and it's underlying mindset openly and honestly. He's big enough to handle it! And when we're wrong, He's big enough to forgive us! The question remains, are we humble enough to ask for it?
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 Glenn Lutjens is a licensed marriage and family therapist at Focus on the Family in the Counseling Department in Colorado Springs. Glenn and his wife, Elizabeth, have been blessed with three children. | |
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THE COVENTRY CAROL
by David Livingstone Henderson, MD
One of the most celebrated aspects of the Holiday season is its Christmas Carols. Their timeless words of peace, joy and hope along with their heartfelt and engaging melodies instantly revive memories from our past and encourage us to hope for our future. The constancy of their message and music assures us that no matter how our circumstances may change, Christmas itself will be waiting for us when the year comes to a close. But not every Christmas carol conjures up images of cozy mangers sheltering sleeping babies and cuddly farm animals; and not everyone has Christmas memories of chestnuts roasting on an open fire and halls decked with boughs of holly. For many, Christmas Carols are not the resounding celebrations of new beginnings; instead, they are the clanging tolls of a broken past.
In moments of deep suffering, it is comforting to know that we are not alone. Christmas has been a bitter-sweet holiday for thousands of people from the present all the way back to the very first Christmas. In fact, one little-known Christmas Carol speaks of the pain that a woman felt not just during Christmas but because of Christmas.
"The Coventry Carol" was written in the sixteenth century as part of a larger play called The Pageant of the Shearmen and Tailors. Ironically, the carol is the only part of the play that survived. In short, it is a lament - a woman's sad cry over the loss of her child:
Lully, lullay, Thou little tiny Child,
By, by, lully, lullay.
Lullay, Thou little tiny Child,
By, by, lully, lullay.
O sisters too, how may we do,
For to preserve this day
This poor youngling for whom we do sing
By, by, lully, lullay.
Herod the king, in his raging, 
Charged he hath this day
His men of might, in his own sight,
All young children to slay.
That woe is me, poor Child for Thee!
And ever mourn and day,
For thy parting neither say nor sing,
By, by, lully, lullay.
It is usually not part of our annual Christmas reading, but Matthew, Chapter 2, details what led to this tragic massacre of innocent children. After the wise men visited the baby Jesus, God warned them in a dream not to return the way they had come. He knew that if they did, Herod would question them about the whereabouts of Jesus, jeopardizing God's plan of salvation for mankind. Verse 16 of Chapter Two says, "Herod was furious when he realized that the wise men had outwitted him. He sent soldiers to kill all the boys in and around Bethlehem who were two years old and under based on the wise men's report of the star's first appearance. Herod's brutal action fulfilled what God had spoken through the prophet Jeremiah: 'A cry was heard in Ramah - weeping and great mourning. Rachel weeps for her children, refusing to be comforted, for they are dead.'"
Wow, talk about ruining the Christmas Spirit. The birth of Jesus, an event that would ultimately bring about the way of salvation for all mankind at first brought only more pain. How true that is today. Many people look to Christmas for relief: relief from the pain of a failed marriage or broken family, relief from a job that seems meaningless or insignificant, relief from worries and doubts over an uncertain future. They hope that this Christmas will finally usher in true peace and goodwill toward men, but when January 1st rolls around, the hurt remains, often worse than before.
If Christmas seems over-rated to you, there is a very definite reason. It is because you haven't finished the story! Christmas alone can never heal our wounds. Those women from Bethlehem who lost their sons would never have found comfort from their loss had Jesus remained a little baby himself. Only his willing sacrifice on the cross could give meaning to their own sacrifices. Only his resurrection could assure them that their pain need not last forever.
As much as we celebrate this season, no amount of carol singing, gift-giving, or good-will making can take what is wrong in this world and make it right. The only hope we have is to follow the Carols of Christmas from the hushed whispers of a lonely manger to the resounding echoes of an empty tomb. If we can do that, then and only then will we be able to proclaim openly and honestly that "the hopes and fears of all our years have been met in Him tonight." Merry Christmas!!
Dr. Henderson is a full-time psychiatrist at the Meier  Clinic in Richardson, Texas, and an adjunct professor of Biblical Counseling at Dallas Theological Seminary. He also serves as an advisor to the board of directors of ROCK International, a non-profit organization seeking to be the lap of Jesus for impoverished children around the globe.
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