| REFLECTIONS
by JoAnn Condie, LPC, RN
"Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Benjamin Franklin
But what happens to the man (or woman) doing everything he knows to do, everything he's been told to do, and yet he does not have good health, adequate finances or feels unable to make wise decisions?
At one time or another, we all could probably identify with some aspect of that man's condition. So what are you suffering with today? Is it poor health in your body, in your mind, or in your spirit? Or is it an unhealthy relationship? Are you struggling from unemployment or the lack of money to make ends meet? Is the slowing economy keeping you awake at night? Have you sadly given up your dreams? Are you making wise choices day-to-day, or have your daily habits become life-long addictions? Are you disheartened that you lack discipline and make the same mistakes over and over again?
Well, before you become completely discouraged from pondering these things, remember your problems are not new to God! Consider the paralyzed man, 2000 years ago, lying by the pool of Bethesda among a multitude of pitiful sufferers (John 5:1-9). For thirty-eight years he watched and waited to be the first into the water when it began to bubble. If only he could react before the others; then at last, he would be healed! If only -- then his life-long dream could be realized.
Jesus moves through the crowd and asks the man, "Do you want to be well?"
"I can't," the sick man replies, "because no one will help me into the pool at the movement of the water. While I am trying my best to get there as fast as I can, someone else always gets in ahead of me."
"Get up!" Jesus answers. "Pick up your mat and walk," and instantly the man was healed. He picked up his mat and walked!
Can you picture yourself in that scene, surrounded by hundreds of fellow sufferers? Take your frustrations, disappointments, and sadness to the Bethesda pool. And then consider your restrictions in life and answer this question: What is your "if only?" Fill in the blanks: If only ____, then I could ______. I can't _____ because ______.
Maybe in some way, like the paralyzed man, we stare at only one possible solution to a problem, and say, "if only," and then surmise, "I can't."
What about: If only I had a different spouse. If only I was younger/older. If only I was healthier/wealthier/smarter. I can't, because he/she/they. . .
Nineteenth century theologian Adolph Monod said, "Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing."
J.B. Phillips' book, Your God is Too Small, is well titled. Get the right perspective. The author of God Can Make It Happen, Russ Johnston, wrote, "When Goliath came against the Israelites, the soldiers all thought, 'He's so big we can never kill him.' David looked at the same giant and thought, 'He's so big I can't miss.'"
Even now, Jesus moves through the crowd and asks us, "Do you want to be well?" No matter how trapped you feel, God can minister to your needs and give you the ability to change. Today, instead of sitting on your mats of "If only" and "I can't," look to Jesus.
Remember Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength." (NIRV)
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 Joann Condie is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Nurse at Focus on the Family (FOTF). She specializes in sexual addiction and sexual dysfunction. In addition to speaking and training professionals nationally, Joann is a counselor at FOTF and maintains her private practice, "Renewing Intimacy," in Colorado Springs, CO. | |
Building Positive Sibling Relationships
by Nancy Rivas, Ph.D.
One of the most common and frustrating challenges that parents face is how to help their children develop a good relationship with each other. Sibling conflicts are common, not because siblings are destined to dislike each other, but because siblings are the ones who are there while we are first learning how to play together, how to communicate, how to handle anger and aggression, and how to work together. Learning these things requires lots of mistakes and lots of practice; in the process, conflict is inevitable. But, it is one of the unique blessings of sibling relationships, that you have the shared memories of learning these things together. It is true that often siblings may be competing for limited parental time or attention; however, the most basic issue is not the sibling, but just that there is a limit and human nature dislikes this. None of us like the fact that we can't always get what we want, so we have to start learning to deal with it early on.
When a new baby is coming, parents can begin to lay the foundation for a positive relationship by how they talk to the older child. Talking to the older child about how excited the parents were when s/he was going to be born reinforces the importance of the eldest child in the family while modeling how to receive the new child with joy. Explaining how much work new babies are can temper unrealistic expectations about an immediate new playmate, and also help the older child feel privileged to help the parents with small baby-care tasks.
Fortunately, it only takes a couple of months before most babies are obviously fascinated with their older siblings, watching their every move attentively. And most older siblings are delighted to be more capable and to know more than their younger sibling. These qualities provide a wonderful opportunity for parents to begin helping their children notice and build a positive relationship. So while the baby is on her lap, a mother can call her 3-year-old over and say, "Could you show your little brother how you do ballet? He's never seen it before." She'll enjoy showing off and then the mother can say, "Wow, he is really watching you. He just loves to see what you can do! Thanks for showing him, honey. What a great big sister you are!" It's another short few months before the baby learns to smile, giggle, and clap, providing the older child with even more direct positive feedback for his/her efforts.
Even with older kids, parents can set up situations where enjoyment comes from cooperating together. This can be the whole family doing something fun like playing a board game or going swimming together. Or, it can be working together: "If you two can get all these toys put away before the timer goes off, I can sit and read you a silly story." Or, "This morning our family's job is to clean the kitchen. Maddie is going to empty the dishwasher, David is going to wipe the counters off, and Dad is going to mop. What a great team!" Parents can also provide situations where they teach and model to children how to be considerate of each other and kind towards each other. For instance, when a birthday is coming up, parents can take the siblings aside and ask, "What are your ideas about how to make your brother's birthday really special for him? What do you think he'd like?" Or, when one sibling is ill, telling the other one, "How do you think we could help your sister feel better? I know she really loves it when you read her stories."
As parents take these opportunities to build positive bonds between siblings, their relationship is strengthened to better weather the inevitable conflicts.
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Nancy Rivas is a clinical psychologist at the Meier Clinics in  Wheaton, IL. In addition to providing outpatient counseling for children and families, Dr. Rivas is the Director of Breakaway, an after school program for teens who need more intensive care than available through weekly outpatient counseling. She and her husband make their home in the Chicagoland area with their two young children.
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Timberline Knolls Strengthens Spirituality Focus with Appointment of Contemporary Christian Singer as Ministry Outreach Representative
The incredible power of music to touch the spirit has prompted Timberline Knolls to appoint nationally known contemporary Christian singer Todd Warren as the facility's ministry outreach representative.
 With more than 20 years of experience, Todd has provided musical outreach at large churches across the country, helping people express and celebrate their spirituality. Todd, an ordained minister whose most recent involvement has been with the nationally known Promise Keepers conferences, has used his music to inspire thousands of young people across America. Todd is using his gift at Timberline Knolls to assist residents in strengthening their spirituality through small group spirituality sessions as well as campus-wide concerts. These spirituality sessions and concerts complement Timberline Knolls' innovative clinical approach, which is rooted in helping its residents develop a lifelong spiritual strength.
At Timberline Knolls, recovery from eating disorders, substance abuse, self-injury behavior and other affective disorders means more than immediate physical and mental treatment. The center helps women and adolescent girls work to achieve lifelong recovery with a 12-step-based clinical approach strengthening them emotionally,  socially and spiritually.
Meier Clinics is pleased to partner with Timberline Knolls by providing Christian counseling services for those residents and their families who request it.
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"Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father."
Colossians 3:16-17 |
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