| REFLECTIONS
Linda, my wife, noticed the increasing problems I was experiencing in reading fine print, and then, progressively not reading at all from my right eye. I knew I was developing cataracts but the progress of this condition was accelerating. I could see to drive but could no longer read smaller print on many street signs, having to rely only on mental maps. I had scheduled surgery to provide a correction, (hopefully coming out singing "Come, Thou Font of Many Blessings). In the course of this experience, I described to Linda that it was like trying to look through a window glazed over with Vaseline. She thought about this a moment and said, "I think you could use this in writing a devotional column. She noted the scripture, "For now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face."
(I Corinthians 13:12 KJV)
We are remarkably unaware of how limited our understanding really is. We do not perceive reality as God does. During the final days of finishing a graduate degree, a colleague observed that what you really learn in completing a doctorate is how little you actually know. I was tempted to flippantly reply, "Speak for yourself," but I knew that he was quite correct. I was struck by his comment then and after a "few" years, I can still hear him say it in my memory.
We have a tendency to anthropomorphize all three persons of the Trinity; Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, thinking of Them as human beings, perhaps casually as "buddies," losing the awe of our Creator, Almighty God. We seem to only dimly recognize that although God invites us into a personal relationship with Him, He exists in a completely different sphere which transcends time and space - which is living evidence of how little we do know. As has been noted, we attempt to create a god in our own image rather than worshiping and relating with The Holy God. How arrogantly cavalier, spiritually pathological, and absolutely pathetic we are in so doing.
Mart De Hann, RBC Ministries, in a recent article warning about the severe dangers of misquoting God, most often by adding to or subtracting from God's words by editing in our own understanding of them, echoed this and summed it up poignantly. He did so by quoting the wisdom of Agur in Proverbs, Chapter 30. He comments that Agur "has a low opinion of his own wisdom because he has such a high view of God. He is overwhelmed with how little he understands in the presence of the One who has created everything." _______________
Phil Swihart, Ph.D., is the Director of Counseling Services and Community Relations at Focus on the Family. Be sure to visit their website at www.family.org for information and valuable resources. | |
what I've learned since I knew it all
12 Secrets to Living a Satisfied Life
Drs. Paul Meier and Todd Clements have learned a lot from their many years of counseling patients as well as from their own experiences.  They share candidly about their own lives and mistakes in presenting twelve fundamental truths to help us all through our life journey. The following selected excerpts are from the Introduction, Know-It-Alls Don't Know It All.
Nobody wants to be labeled a know-it-all. Still, many people secretly believe they do have superior knowledge and intelligence, leading to the best decisions and wisest actions. They don't foresee any consequences to their actions or fallout from poor choices.
These attitudes, based on wishful thinking instead of reality, can result in near disaster, as in the case of one young man who once thought he had it all together. . .
The subject of that revealing story is actually one of the two authors of this book. I (Dr. Meier) admit I have made mistakes in my life. . . I was so thrilled when my wonderful friend Dr. Todd Clements asked if I would coauthor this book about what we've learned since we "knew it all." The title sounds like the story of my life. God isn't finished with me yet. I learn more of his love and grace and become more humble about my own ignorance every day, even at this ripe old age.
In this book you'll read some true stories about me (Dr. Clements) too. I also admit to once having known it all, but truly knowing better today.
While we are both recovering know-it-alls, we want to use our decades of counseling experience to help you reach that state sooner than we did.
Generally, becoming a know-it-all occurs in the teen years. Something strange happens during adolescence, and most teenagers become famous for insisting they are much smarter than their more-experienced, more-educated parents.
Sadly, many adolescents carry their know-it-all attitudes into adulthood, and a few even remain know-it-alls for their entire lives. These people or their family members often end up in psychiatrists' offices like ours - suffering deep emotional trauma due to their know-it-all attitudes. . .
Mark Twain once wrote, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Mark Twain is the pen name of the famous American author and sage Samuel Clemens. Because he was an astute observer of human behavior, his words will be found at the start of each chapter, helping to underscore each chapter's point.
Human nature remains the same today as it was one hundred years ago when Mark Twain made his observations. Young people are not likely to begin listening to their parents anytime soon. Maybe, however, they will listen to two self-proclaimed former know-it-alls who've learned from their mistakes and those of hundreds of counseling patients.
This book consists of twelve truths that we have learned since that time period when we knew it all. These twelve truths have made our lives better in countless ways. They have developed us into more thoughtful, caring, and loving human beings. They have helped us learn to get along with others and no doubt have allowed others to like us and enjoy being around us. They have helped us to become more successful in every life endeavor - largely due to the fact that every facet of life requires skills in dealing with other people.
These twelve truths have actually given us more self-confidence. Many know-it-alls feel insecure on the inside, so they overcompensate on the outside by portraying overconfidence. This is seen in the animal kingdom when some animals inhale to make themselves appear larger when facing a predator or stand up on their hind legs to look taller. We call it bluffing. . .
Dropping your facade allows you to connect with others. For the first time, you can actually feel their pain. You can enjoy their successes without jealousy and worry that others are "outdoing" you. You can truly celebrate life.
A know-it-all can only celebrate his own successes, but the authentic person can celebrate everyone's successes. Think how much more celebration this allows. The know-it-all usually pouts when others receive accolades or attention. The know-it-all can only celebrate a win by his football team if he had a good game and scored a touchdown; otherwise, the victory is bitter. An authentic person can revel in the victory, even if he never made it off the sideline the whole game!
Dropping the facade allows each of us to reveal our true identity to others. For the first time, others can actually feel and help comfort us in our pain. This aspect is difficult to grasp in today's society, especially among young males. We often believe that if others feel our pain or know our weaknesses, they will expose and open our wounds even more. People in emotional and physical pain often mask their loneliness and agony on the outside while secretly struggling within.
Have you ever smiled and calmly answered, "Just fine," when asked how life was treating you, meanwhile feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown inside? We talk up all our victories and successes while hiding our pain in order to draw people to us, but in reality, shouldn't it be the other way around if we truly want the companionship and respect of others?
How much do you enjoy celebrating when a know-it-all succeeds? You might go to the party, but your celebration is most likely not sincere. Rarely does someone say, "I can't wait to hang out with so-and-so; all she does is talk about herself." Dropping the facade of being a know-it-all allows us to live in closer connection with others, which leads to a happier life.
Humans were made to bond with each other, and knowing-it-all negatively affects that bonding process. . .
The bible, written two thousand years ago, addresses the subject of human nature, which was the same in ancient times as it is today. Humanity's surroundings and technology change, but personalities remain the same. The Bible actually does more than merely identify and comment on human behavior. It teaches us how to improve it. The Bible does include lists of right and wrong, but it is much more than that. It shows us how to live as it examines relationships men and women had with each other and with God. We see examples of deplorable behavior, such as Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Jesus, and the Pharisees who excelled in know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitudes.
The Bible supports the twelve truths we have learned. However, we both learned them the hard way.
Rather than taking the Bible at face value, I (Dr. Meier) tried calling the shots myself. When that no longer worked, I found the truth in two ways. With most of my wrong behaviors, I read the Bible and realized my error. With others, I simply tried doing things differently than I had been doing them before. I later found the solutions I discovered by this method were all supported by the Bible as well.
Throughout this book we have used various Bible passages and stories to help illustrate timeless truths. The Bible was written not only to teach us about God and His ways but also to guide us in living our lives during the short time we have been given upon this earth. We believe the Bible is just as relevant to our lives today as it was to the Jews two thousand years ago. . .
These twelve truths can help you avoid some of life's potholes and pitfalls. In addition to naming and titling each truth, we provide examples of how you can use these principles in your life. We also share personal events from our lives--and most of them illustrate the less-than-pretty results of ignoring these precepts. . .
This is probably the first book ever written where the goal is to come out looking less intelligent than you did before you started.
Some of the 12 truths the doctors discuss are Life Is Not Fair, Lies Will Catch Up with You, Dating Often Leads to Marriage, Addictions Aren't Funny, and No One Likes an Adult Child. If you would like to read about these and the other truths in this delightful book, it is available online, at major bookstores, and at some Meier Clinics. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
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About the Authors
Paul Meier, M.D., is a nationally recognized psychiatrist and the founder of the Meier Clinics. He has authored and coauthored more than seventy books. For more information, visit his website at www.paulmeiermd.com.
Todd Clements, M.D. holds advanced degrees in psychiatry and divinity. He once served as the Director of Adolescent Psychiatry at the Meier Clinics in Richardson, Texas. You can visit his website at
www.drtoddclements.com. |
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